How to ask if he is seeing other people?

I think to ask a guy if he is seeing other women would be pointless, no matter how you ask him because he will never admit it, if he wants a relationship with you. I don’t know a guy, no matter how honest he normally is with other things, to say, “oh, yes, I sleep also with so and so…”.

But if he doesn’t try to hide you in front of his friends (and perhaps family) and publicly goes out with you, chances are he is not dating anyone else. Don’t focus on messaging….they don’t mean anything because men usually don’t like messaging anyways and keep it to a minimum. To tell you the truth, I personally also don’t like messaging, unless it’s something very important or emergency. I prefer to talk to that person face to face or at least call. But lives are busy, so many people don’t have time to send messages all the time. It’s normal when a man doesn’t respond to a message for 1 or 2 days (let alone hours) if he is busy or finds a message unimportant. Don’t take it personally. You will feel it if a man loses interest.

Or you may just mention to your guy that you never dated more than one man at the time in your life and definitely don’t sleep with anyone you are not in relationship with….that it’s against your values. Then ask him innocently if he feels the same.
Some men however feel that if they are not married or don’t live with anyone, that they are free to date other people or even sleep with. They don’t feel fully committed if they just date someone. It depends…

Honesty, this conversation should have started on date 2 or 3 as it’s a big part of getting to know someone to determine where their at emotionally. The ‘talk is a mood killer—- if some dude brought this up “hey, just want to make sure we’re on the same page and not sleeping with others before we bang each other.” Sorry but it’s not going to solve your dilemma but only put him in a pressure cooker….your essentially bartering for sex and that’s not the way to a man’s heart.

You know the analogy about putting a frog in cool water and let it boil slowly v. Throwing it in a pot of boiling water so that it jumps out? Same concept works with dating. These conversations should have been discussed, In a question answer form wher you start small and then build up to the harder questions to see where a man’ at emotionally.

Such as, when was yiour last relationship? What’s your career aspirations? What’s your thoughts on marriage? Are you a cat r dog person? Have you ever cheated? What’s your favorite place to visit? Are you still playing the field or thinking about settling down?

His answers will tell you what you need to know by just asking seemingly simpl questions. Just know that a man has to emotionally bond with you first—-they bond/fall in love with their BIG HEAD, not the little one.

I have only ever had this ‘talk’ one time that worked in my favour and it was because the guy kept asking me stay over at his place and I knew I wasn’t ready to have sex with him so I laid my cards on the table and I told him that I didn’t think it was a good idea because I don’t like to have sex outside of a committed relationship (even though I had in the past that’s not the point!). His reponse was positive and he said he totally respected it. We didn’t ever end up in a relationship for other various reasons but I was so glad that I had been honest and I got a respectful positive response from him and if I hadn’t then I would have known that he wasn’t even worth someone going forward with.

Thanks guys for all this.I’m 100% not rushing anything and a lot of those questions have been mentioned in general conversation just not this biggie I guess my bad.

its just a few things have occurred that made me wonder is all.

and your right about not getting bent over 5 hours. Which I wasn’t. Sure it seems kinda crazy. However it was out of the ordinary patterns & It so happened I was online & noticed I’m not a stalking freak by any means

Agree you should always be communicating to a man what YOUR boundaries are and go from there. I’m not sure when you’ll talk to him next. It will be hard for you since you two haven’t been discussing it already… and in person is best, but if that isn’t practical, then next time you’re on the phone, if you can find a way to say it naturally —maybe if he flirts with you or mentions how attracted he is to you or whatever just say “I find you incredibly attractive too. I thought it would be good to tell you — I made a decision a while ago that I only sleep with someone I am sexually exclusive with. Helps me keep my head straight and really explore something. It’s just what I’m comfortable with. Just wanted to give you a heads up.”

Then LISTEN to what he says. If he doesn’t seem particularly interested in talking about it and just says – Oh, I understand. Or, Ya, that seems right. Then change the subject to something fun and let him think about it. Most men will skidattle pretty quickly afterwards if they don’t like those terms. Wait and see what he does.

Meanwhile — reading Why Men Love Bitches is an incredible book about how to speak to men. I highly recommend it. Doesn’t teach you to be an actual bitch — just a woman who’s assertive, confident and peaceful! Best of luck and let us know how it goes!!

I am with Anne here, if he’s been courting you for 10 weeks, he can wait another few weeks.

And I applaud you for wanting to talk about exclusivity BEFORE having sex.

It is quite something that these days women feel awkward and almost embarrassed to talk about something that should be there for granted. In the past when we dated it was assumed that once you start seeing each other for more than 2-3 days, you are an “it”, an item, and you are exclusive. This was the decent normal thing to do, and if one partner starts seeing someone else, this was considered cheating. These days, you have to ASK.

Do not apologize or feel even a tiny bit of embarrassment for making absolutely clear that you require exclusivity to have sex.

Granted he can lie, anyone can lie, we can’t protect ourselves from deceiptoin, but this will make him a a-hole, and most men aren’t a-holes. Most men do not cheat, but many would use an opportunity if there is a “legal loophole”, such as no title, no agreement, you did not ask, we did not talk, I assumed it is ok.

The best way for you would be to make him wait longer for sex and to make sure you two have a verbal agreement about sexual exclusivity.

The thing is about exclusivity that some men will value and respect your boundaries but it doesn’t mean they will do the same in their own case. Men think differently. If they fell like it, they might get sex from someone else before you are ready for sex with him, and you will never find out. To make a long story short….if you are not ready for sex, most men will find it somewhere else. Every relationship coach will tell you that.

I agree with the others that u should hold off. Never assume a man isn’t seeing or sleeping with other women. I was seeing a guy very steadily, lots of dinners out and sleepovers at least 3 or more nights a week. Me bad for assuming I was the only one. There were 2 exes he was still sleeping with, and he was also lining up POF dates. Not saying your guy is doing this, u just never know.

Before I slept with my current BF I made it clear that sex means a lot to me emotionally and I think the exact words I used were that although I had no interest in rushing things, I was into monogomy, so before we do this I want to be sure we are both “just focusing on each other”. He immediately said yes, that is what he wanted to and that is how I knew we were “exclusive”… we made it “official” a few weeks later.

I think it is incredibly important to be clear on these things if you are uncomfortable with him having multiple partners. Its a grown up conversation to have. Avoiding it can only lead to potential misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

again, there is a difference between “we are only sleeping with each other” and ‘we are boyfriend and girlfriend’. For health reasons alone you are perfectly in line inquiring about if he wants to be monogomous, and then take it from there.

@ Ali, it wasn’t facebook & i wasn’t snooping, i was online myself & noticed lol

Thanks for all the advice everybody. I feel more comfortable going foward