Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › How to ask is he’s serious?
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 4 years, 7 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
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Jenny
I’ve been dating this guy for 3 months, we went out a couple of times right before COVID happened. Since then we’ve been texting pretty much everyday and FaceTiming.
I’ve always felt we were on the same page when it came to what we wanted in a partner. He told me on the first date he wanted and relationship and is not looking to play games.
But the more my feelings have progressed I’ve noticed he still seems pretty active talking to other women. I even caught him on a couple of other dating sites.
I feel like I need to ask for real if a serious relationship is what he really wants…but I don’t know how to say it without scaring him away. I’m not asking for him to commit to me now just give me an idea if he’s really interested in me. How should I say this?
Peggy
Hi Jenny. You are NOT dating this guy. You went out a couple times and because of covid or maybe other reasons,you are currently “penpals”. He is still checking out others apparently. You sounded stalkerish when you said “you caught him looking at profiles”.
Keep virtual talking if you want and see what happens when people are okay to meet up again,but I do not think there is really any kind of dating situation with him now and I would not ask him at this point.
Keep looking to meet others to date yourself as well. Keep your options open and do not get too attach. Time and getting back to the “real” world will tell you by his actions what he wants/is thinking. Leave suggestions of meeting up and dates at that time to him,to give you a clearer idea of things.Ss
Um, you shouldn’t!
He has told you he is looking for a relationship and it seems he is since he is active on dating sites … he is dating around, chatting to women and seeing if he meets the right person. That may end up being you but 3 dates in and during lockdown is NOT the time for having a DTR conversation…
Obviously you like him and thats great, but he hasn’t decided if he likes you yet and thats ok because thats the point in dating.
Things are a bit up in the air right now with Covid but just chill and see what happens… pushing will just push him away x
Lane
Say nothing! Get back up on your pedestal and start talking and meeting other guys pronto. Only give that kind of time and attention to a BF! If a guy’s putting in 50% you give %0. He’s not the only man on this planet, there are loads out there, and need to treat him like you have better options, because you do!
Tallspicy
From my observations – People who mention game playing are usually game players, unheralded, doormats or choose/are available people. It is a red flag. At least an orange one.
Newbie
Your mindset is not working in your favour. Youre afraid to scare a guy away. Meaning youre already dead set on wanting him as a bf and you turning into a pretzel to fit him. You really need to raise the bar: you date to see if its a fit. Being yourself. It doesnt sound like the two of you dated a lot in those 3 months so that shows a luke warm interest on his side. If he is still on dating sites that tells you one thing: he is not convinced youre his match. So you already Have all the information. If you ask if he is serious about looking for serious, he would probably say Yes. But that doesnt mean its you he wants. Thats dating. I do agree the Corona stand still makes this weird. So i do think you can ask some questions about him regarding relationships just like you would on a date. But more important: lose the mindset you can scare a guy away, go snoop and truc to fit in a mold. Those are all habits that will actually scare a guy away. Confident women wont
Liz Lemon
@Tallspicy– ha, true! It’s not like guys are gonna tell a woman on a first date “And by the way, I’m a total game player.” LOL!
OP, i agree with the others. You aren’t dating this guy. You two had a couple dates before the Covid shutdown, & you’ve been in a state of suspended animation since then. It sucks, but everything has been on pause.
He has every right to talk to other women since you aren’t exclusive (and has already been explained, you aren’t even really dating).
You say your feelings are “progressing” but they should not be, because you haven’t been able to date or get to know this guy in person. Staying in touch is fine (the texting & facetiming) but you should be keeping your emotions in check until you can see this guy in person again & pick up where you left off. You should definitely not be having a DTR conversation with a guy you met twice, 3 months ago! Just relax, check your feelings & wait for him to ask to see you when the shutdown ends. It’s ending soon in most places and has already ended in some areas.
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