Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › How to be the prize and also keep the respect principle
- This topic has 10 replies and was last updated 9 years, 9 months ago by
alia.
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Dee1968
Please can anyone give me advice the question is in the topic how can I be the prize and also show him the respect principle I’m finding it difficult to find a middle ground
Elisa
Happily receive, always! But don’t give! Let him give, and pleasantly receive. Let him draw love out of you rather than giving it away for free.
Jessy
Hi Dee1968,
My opinion (and this is only MY opinion) glad to get that outta the way…
Is that in order for a man to “respect” you he has to consider you worthy or of some special regard. The best way to get a man to respect you is to first respect yourself!
There are however some men out there that cannot give respect to anyone, regardless of what you do so try to avoid these men.
CalLady
I’m still working on figuring some of this out for myself, but where I’ve got to so far:
Be the prize: don’t cling, stay aware that a relationship should enhance your life not be your life. Keep going out with friends and doing your own thing, don’t rearrange your life to accommodate him. By all means compromise when needed but don’t consistently drop everything when he asks or always do what he wants as a date, make sure you are being true to yourself as well as being with him. Don’t have sex unless a) you’re prepared for him to disappear straight after and you don’t have a problem with that or b) you already have some form of commitment from him (BF/GF status, exclusive) – in both cases it should be your decision not because you’re afraid he’ll walk otherwise.
Respect: Thank him nicely when he does things for you (especially the things like holding doors, carry groceries, cleaning up after dinner, that can be taken for granted a little), don’t make sarcastic or derogatory comments about him, his family, friends etc. Admire his achievements when he tells you about them (tackled a difficult issue at work, won a sports game,……). If in doubt, show him respect the same way you’d show anyone else respect, if you don’t respect him you shouldn’t be dating him so I find that part is quite easy. Just be a little more vocal about it than you may be with other people, make sure you express what it is you respect at that moment. Guys tend to be more detail orientated so specifics are better than generalities I’ve found (“thank you for clearing the dinner dishes tonight” seems to work better than “thank you for clearing up”).
The above is just my take on the two ideas, but one major thing I’ve found is that if you believe you are worth having a decent guy and you show respect for yourself (as Jessy said) both parts tend to come a lot easier. Value yourself, don’t take any BS, and don’t let him become the entire focus of your life and you should find the rest is fairly natural.
alia
I am still learning as well, but it has somewhat worked for me in the past, that if I feel disrespect at least, I voice it. I voice my needs and boundaries, or show my needs and boundaries, they don’t have to be spoken, of course, can be touch or body language.
I still have a problem of being too giving, I feel like I have to contribute, and it’s why I have attracted the wrong guy in the past. It’s hard for me to sit back and receive, it always has been. It’s from my upbringing, of course, but I am learning that my company should be enough and if I decide to contribute, it’s in reciprocation, but not go overboard with it.
You kind of have to be a little passive, which is hard for the go-getter type of person (like me, I’ve been independent not by choice since I was a teenager, I live in NYC, work full time and more, make art, supervise a bunch of men, take care of a lot of people, talk to about 20 people a day, try to make a lot of clients happy) so as I am gearing up to date again, I am going to let the dating be your opportunity to relax and receive. Receive gifts, dinners, their appreciation, and thing is I will very much appreciate it back.
Just a ramble, but maybe it helps..
Misty
Great advice Jessy. If you would only take it yourself.
Jessy
Misty,
I don’t know if you’re trying to be sarcastic but I’m really not in the mood!
Jessy
What is it with these women, you just don’t stop, always trying to start something.
Damn it!!
alia
We’re all on a journey here, we are learning as we type. We help each other, we love. The nasty ones are giving love, too, they are just resentful. But they are getting there as well. This whole board has been a positive movement for all of us.
Jessy
Alia,
I was trying to mind my own business and give Dee1968 some helpful advice and here comes Misty telling me to take my own advice.
Question…was that really necessary??
alia
Necessary – no, but we forgive her ;) I’m on a forgiveness streak. Receive people’s negativity with acceptance and love.
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