How to change my expectations of men?

How are you putting yourself out there to meet new people?

And why do either of you need to “chase” each other instead of simply getting to know each other and building a connection? Expecting someone to chase puts a lot of pressure on them right away. A man can take the lead and you can be true to yourself without it being about chasing. You still need to make yourself approachable, open, and warm enough for him to feel comfortable taking the initiative, too. Men don’t like rejection just as much as women don’t, so try ways to express your interest without asking them out or being aggressive about it. Just enough so they know their initial advances are welcome.

I have heard that in certain areas men are uncomfortable approaching in person now because they don’t know for sure if you’re available or open to romantic connection, and they save dating for apps. That way they know for sure you’re looking to be approached.

As an experiment, you can try to mix things up a bit and look to try to socialize outside of a bar setting. Try out online dating if you haven’t already (though read up on red flags to avoid first and always meet in public places at first); try joining an activity or two that you enjoy so you can meet like-minded people who are either single too or who you make friends if you hit it off with since you never know who can introduce you to their friends (perhaps volunteering or a recreational sport or music or whatever hobby you’re genuinely interested in); if you’re at all religious or affiliated with a culture that has some social gatherings or even singles nights try that out; Toronto almost definitely has social groups for people who are interested in the international community or ex-pats, some of who are going to those to meet women; Toronto also must have cultural nights out for younger people (20s-40s), like mixers at museums and the symphony that end up being date nights or singles markets if you’re into those cultural things; and you can try targeted singles events or speed dating (though your mileage may vary with those).

Point being, in a big city, you should have lots of options for getting out there if you’re a social butterfly. It’s worth exploring a couple outside of what hasn’t been working for you so far and see what happens! Men are everywhere, you just need to meet the right one (or the right bunch of them) who you click with in your approaches.

Is there anything to your friends telling you you’re too picky if someone does express interest? You should have standards, but it’s also harder to make a connection if you’re too fixated on having only one type or have too many check boxes for anyone to get through your own walls. Another thing to be honest about with yourself and consider if it’s contributing.

Maybe you are being friend-zoned…playing pool and ping pong at the bar could be “painting” you as one of the guys… There is a book called something like ” Why he didn’t Call You back” by Racheal Greenwald-funny and entertaining and insightful advice from a dating coach. Could give you some idea of what to do/change up to improve your odds. Check it out! Good Luck.

I feel you need to relax. You are putting too much energy on your “wants” and “desires”. Remove that energy and replace it with gratitide. See what happens. In hindsight I wish I had gone down the sperm donor track.