How to deal with an inconsistent guy

Heavy texting or not. We’re still human, and we all react to a different set of stimuli. You want to touch him deep? Call his sorry ass. Let him hear your voice.

If the two of you can’t carry on a verbal phone conversation for more than an hour, give up. If he’s interested, he’ll ask all kinds of questions, you’ll ask questions. Sparks will fly, emotion will heighten, you’ll laugh. These are some of the things that help people bond. Verbal conversation in a relationship has been around since the beginning. The phone made it easier with distance. Texting is taking that out of the picture, and people wonder why they’re having so many problems. Wake up! It’s just cold and can be taken out of context.

I completely understand where you are coming from and I’m 30. I think texts thru the day are nice. I feel like it’s an easy way to communicate (yes communicate lol) that you’re thinking of the other person while you are apart. It takes one minute out of your day to send and it doesn’t have to be anything profound. I like receiving random texts, so I see where OP is coming from here.

Crystal – And let’s say IF this guy texts you back and forth? What if he just talks about really mundane, non-relevant stuff?? my point is – it doesn’t MATTER. don’t get so caught up in the amount of time that it takes for a guy to get back to you. your BIGGER focus is — is he trying to get to know me on a deeper level? does he ask questions? does he take the intitiative to see me, or hang out? these are the bigger concerns. NOT the time it takes for a guy to get back to you. because chances are, (from my own experience with guys and my guy friends) they HATE texting, and only text really straightforward messages. they will not text you sweet messages UNLESS you’ve known him for quite some time OR you’re official bf/gf. all of this doesn’t matter. what this boils down to is – he’s busy and you want someone who is fulfilling your emotional and physical needs – the better way to gauge a relationship is to meet in person or THROUGH THE PHONE. if you’re asking for him to be a more frequent texter, it probably won’t happen AND back/forth texting DOES NOT help with progressing a relationship. continuously texting gives the guy a “free pass” to skip meeting with you, because he already “Feels” like he can have a convo with you behind a screen. what you should be more focused on is getting to know him behind the screen and seeing if he’s a match for you. you’re not gonna find a match by talking to someone behind a screen. it means nothing, and if anything, will ruin your connection by making you guys distant. texting is cold and can be misleading sometimes.

I’m currently seeing a guy that is a little bit like this. When we first met he would message probably every day, but after a few weeks he got really busy with work and the texting dropped to every other day or every couple of days.

Now, usually I am VERY insecure when this happens. I check my phone constantly, gripe about how they haven’t messaged, check all their other social media etc. I did this with a guy a few months ago and it sapped all the enjoyment out of the dating process. I ignored what the time spent together was like and only focused on his texting habits. Needless to say, it didn’t work out as I was in a needy mindset. But I caused myself so much emotional turmoil because I refused to stop focusing on his texting habits and I got used to having speedy replies every day so a small drop to every few hours was torture.

With this new guy, sure it niggles at me a little bit when he doesn’t text me back (especially when I ask a question) but now I can compare it to the previous situation and I can tell myself “why care so much?” I have taken to ignoring his texts a couple of times just to balance things out and focus more on the time we spend together. In between the texts I just do my own thing.

At the end of the day, a LOT of guys deal with one mental box at a time. When they are working, they’re working. They don’t want to engage in idle text conversations. Eric wrote in an article that texting will be frequent in the beginning and then die down once they have settled back into a routine and are working you into their lives. These guys are probably grateful that when they do text you you are there happy to chat and not going to bite their head off about a late text.

Just tell yourself – he is busy, he treats me well in person, this lack of texting means nothing. And make sure to be aware that you have your own life to focus on (which it seems you are doing already!)

Some of these responses are excuses. 100 hours a week is a lot. I don’t buy the whole “some people just don’t like texting” bull be issue if that’s the case, why would HE text you to ask about your day? People make time for what they want to make time for and though texting is informal, it shows the other person that you are thinking about them. Doesn’t have to be every day, but it should be consistent. If he’s busy living his life and you are of value to him he would include consistent communication with you. As a graduate student who is swamped and working two jobs, I’d still communicate with someone if I value them and genuinely want them in my life. I’m never glued to my phone but how can you make arrangements to meet up with someone or break the ice ?!? Duhhhh a phone. So that’s bs. People ESPECIALLY men will make time for a woman he feels as though is one he doesn’t want to lose. Period. He may be into you but you’re an option right now not a priority. I’d say move on period.. I hate when people make excuses about people not Liking to text.. Still doesn’t justify him texting you and taking two days to respond because I’m POSITIVE he saw the text prior to two days passing. Save yourself headache and just move on and do you…