How to deal with ED

I understood from your other post you dont want fwb and this guy has substance abuse issues. Now also ed issues. And you think he is addicted to porn. Plus take the fact he specifically told you he doesnt want a relationship. What he is saying now about maybe bladibla is designed for you to stay not for him to make it real.
You come from a difficult marriage where you suffered mentally. I think you are not recovered from that and therefore picked up this weird stray with issues just because you think you cant do better. You can do better. Just stop working on this fixer upper. Its a waiste of your time. Invest in yourself and your new job. You find a way out. With this guy you can do the same that cuddling this guy into a relationship wont work.

Porn? I said nothing about that unless it goes and in hand with his hand? He is 43 and I am 49. I am pretty naive as well. As far as his past issues, he has been nothing but upfront. I respect that, maybe I shouldn’t. He knows I am not friends with benefits material. He said he didn’t want a relationship and has since backtracked, we have fun together, I am not pushing for any certain status. I think he has a medical issue personally. I don’t need to fix him, he can do that all by himself, he is a big boy. Sure he has some issues who doesn’t. For now I am content to see where this goes because he is a really really nice person. I have my finger on the launch button.

Sweet or stupid lol….. there is something about him….. I don’t know. He could have chosen not to disclose as much as he has about either of his failed marriages or his issues with alcohol. His addiction cost him is military career. He stopped drinking abt 10-15 years ago. I am not a person that holds someone’s past against them when they clearly have taken steps improve their life. His issue with relationships stems from his feeling of picking the wrong woman. He said I am unlike anyone he has ever been with. I am smart, educated, I make him laugh like no other. I am currently making zero effort here. He calls and texts me. As I mentioned we currently work at the same company. My resignation sent shockwaves throughout the company. I am a key employee and our boss told him that to replace me they will be hiring 2 ppl and it will take months for them to get up to speed. Then they approached me yesterday. Basically said I am too valuable to let walk out the door. In the last 3 months our production has increased 30%. Sam told them much of that is my doing. He is pretty upset with me right now because they made me a very attractive offer to stay on and I am seriously considering it. I would be stupid not to. He has been witness to some of the BS I have dealt and cannot get why I would consider staying. He says nothing will change. He might be right, or he could be wrong. I can’t figure out why he is so invested in me leaving he knows it is going to make his job 100x harder. Plus I have two teenage kids and I have to make the decision on what is best for them as well. There are some things that came to light after I accepted the position with the other company that has given me pause. He knew I was mulling something over this weekend and it was my gut nagging me that something isn’t right. I didn’t tell him what it was because I was still trying to figuring out what I was feeling. He is biased on the situation and therefore I did not ask his input. He knew I was meeting with the owners yesterday afternoon and called me last night. We got into it. I told him he is strangely invested in me leaving. That I needed to consider the facts of both options and that whatever I chose does not impact just me. I told him until he pays my bills and supports my kids he has no input and then hung up on him. I did not tell him all the details of the offer on the table, it includes a change to my compensation package and a full time assistant, among other things and he is pissed. Whatever he really doesn’t get a say

The Ed/performance issue has been present all along. He finally spoke about it. I chose not to, I imagine it is ia touchy subject for him.

He says it is not me. If it was why would he come back? I believe him at his word. He has not given me reason to doubt him

No worries. I am processing a lot right including him being angry with me. I chose to stay at my current job for reasons he doesn’t understand. He can’t comprehend it because he does not have the responsibilities I do. There were some glaring red flags at this new company that my gut told me it was not the right thing to do. Yes I I have been mistreated and I blindsided my current employer into action. I can only hope it will be better for us all. Time will tell