Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › How to get him back?
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 1 year, 9 months ago by
Tallspicy.
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Jazz
My bf has fallen out of love, and doesn’t want a relationship. It’s a long distance situation. Recently we are meeting to celebrate our 5 years of knowing each other. I am writing this post for ideas on what I can possibly say or do to somehow find his love back to me? I know the best thing to do is leave him alone and not try and prove my worth but i am totally lost and want him back. Anybody who has ever tried what I wanna try? He already knows I love him and would do anything for him but he still doesn’t want me. Sometimes he does try talking naughty with me though. But no relationshippy thing. How can I turn the situation around? Please help.
Ewa
5 years of long distance ? did you guys have plans to move to be closer to each other ?
why would you want someone who doesn’t love you? Love yourself enough to know you deserve someone who does, someone who will be there for you no matter what.
No words will change someone’s decision, in normal circumstances is the absence that make people realise what they lost but with this being long distance , he realised in your absence that he doesn’t feel it anymore.Jazz
We were long distant for only 9 months.
I just love him too much and cannot let him go. I want him back at any cost.Ewa
men run away from desperate women , the only way you can get him back is by having an amazing life without him. I know it sounds strange but being desperate and not letting go will only push him away , in fact it can completely ruin your chances of ever getting back with him.
Jazz
But i am having depression because of this breakup, idk how to have a good life without him.
Gaia
Why would you want someone who doesn’t want you? And who is trying to just use you for sex? What could he possibly be bringing to the table that makes him so wonderful that you can’t live without him?
Here’s your reality check: You are already living without him and you are going to be okay. You don’t need him and You can do better with someone who will reciprocate your feelings!
Raven
“I want him back at any cost.”
What is it about this guy that would turn you into a doormat? Cos that’s what you’ll be if you follow through with this statement…
AngieBaby
No, you do not “love” him. This is not love. This is codependency and when you are talking about wanting to get someone to do what you want with no regard for what they want, you’re unhealthy and frankly pretty selfish. When you genuinely love someone you want the best for them and you respect what they want, even when it’s not you.
You are very unclear about what this “long distance” thing is about. But what it boils down to is, if you were together 5 years and the relationship hasn’t progressed by now, it isn’t going to.
Being a Stage 5 clinger is deadly to a relationship and I suspect this is one of the reasons if not the only reason he’s ended it with you.
For the good of both of you, leave him alone and focus on yourself. Please get with a counselor to deal with the depression and codependent behavior.
Jazz
I treated him very bad after he cheated on me virtually. I ignored all his efforts at reconciliation. And then after a year i was over his cheating. But by that time he fell out of love. I know it sounds desperate and bad but i am unable to function properly without him. I am too depressed. Feels like only having him in my life again as a lover again can solve things. I deeply believe he will reconcile with me someday as he still says he won’t be thrilled if I started dating anybody. One day I went out with a friend and she brought her boyfriend and his friend along. My ex did get worked up about it, saying things like now it will become a regular thing with you, you will meet that guy. This means he is still not totally over me.
Jazz
We have been together for so long. I completely understand him now. He did a lot of things for me in the past which made me believe he is the one. But one fine day he simply decided to move on. He was always hell bent on sticking around with me. God knows how or what made him fall out of love. I am having a really very hard time accepting it.
Liz Lemon
“i am unable to function properly without him. I am too depressed. Feels like only having him in my life again as a lover again can solve things.”
This isn’t love, this is codependency as AngieBaby already said. And it’s completely unhealthy.
If a man doesn’t want to be with you, if he “simply decided to move on”– then he’s not the one for you. You should never have to beg or manipulate someone to be in a relationship with you.
You’re not going to find the advice here that you’re seeking. No one here will tell you that you should pursue this man or try to get him back. We’re all going to tell you to focus on loving yourself, seek counseling for your depression, and value yourself enough to want a healthy relationship with a man who wants to be with you.
Tallspicy
Please get some therapy. You ignored him after he cheated? And now you want him? None of this is love, it is control and attachment issues. The only way to get a man back is let him miss you, be the best you can be, and take responsibility for your own emotional house
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