Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › How to get over him?
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 2 years, 9 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
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Ellie
3 weeks ago I ended things with a guy I fell in love with after dating for 9 months as due to circumstances in his life, he wouldn’t / couldn’t commit.
He said he had feelings for me but wasn’t at the love stage due to mitigating circumstances (including new job where he had no free time due to having to study alongside work and with other commitments etc).
This man was my soulmate and I’m devastated. I think of him every second of every day and all the good memories we shared (we didn’t have one argument or disagreement and only good times together as we were so connected).
How do I learn to live without him? I feel he is my person that the universe had for me. He’s the only person who has ever ‘got’ me and accepted me for me. We laughed constantly and had so much fun together. Everything was easy and now I’m heartbroken.
I only ended it due to him not being able to commit to me (not now, but at some point in the future).
I tried to reach out but he’s cold towards me so I’ve stopped as it hurts when he’s cold towards me after how we were together and in the 9 months.
I’ve been meditating, keeping busy and doing things I enjoy with my children but every thing reminds me of him 😞
mia
I would wanna follow this thread this as I am also having serious problems keeping my ex out of my mind I seriously feel like I have to get into a relationship, to not think about my ex now. It ha been a year now since our breakup. But I am so scared to open up to anyone new or try anything with anyone.
mama
Ellie,
I’m sorry for the pain you are feeling at the moment but it will pass with time. Perhaps it’s just the way you write but this comes across a little dramatic. Soulmate after 9 months of a non-committed relationship? Raise your standards of soulmate. It might be good for you to talk to a counselor/therapist and figure out why you were so willing to hang your life (and your children’s lives) on someone who wouldn’t commit to you.Demand better for yourself. Be proud of yourself for ending things. Focus on your own resilience and with time the pain will lessen. Good luck to you.
Liz Lemon
I agree with mama. A guy who won’t commit to you, and isn’t at the “love stage” with you after 9 months, is not your soulmate. I’m sorry for your pain, but it would be better for you to reframe this situation. Look at it from a different angle. You dated and enjoyed each other and had a lot of good times, but it had to come to an end because he was not the one for you.
“we didn’t have one argument or disagreement and only good times together as we were so connected”– not having one argument or disagreement in 9 months is NOT indicative of connection. In order to truly connect with someone, you MUST have hard conversations. When I think back to the first year or so of dating my bf, we definitely had some hard conversations and disagreements. But this is how you get closer to someone! This is how you develop depth to the relationship. I’m sorry to say this, but the fact that you only had “good times” for 9 months makes me think the relationship was probably rather shallow. Or at least, it wasn’t on the level of soulmate, for sure. To develop a deep understanding of each other you MUST have disagreements and difficult moments.
I’m not trying to minimize your pain, or the importance of this relationship for you, so I’m sorry if I come off that way. But I encourage you to reframe things in your head. And like mama said, have higher expectations of yourself and your relationships. The guy who’s the one for you will commit, he will love you, and he won’t shy away from disagreements and difficult moments.
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