Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › How to get what you want out of dating
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 4 years, 10 months ago by
Phoebe.
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Phoebe
I’ve been seeing someone for several weeks now. He’s great in some ways – he checks in day and night by text and calls every night we aren’t together. He reassures me and wants to spend a lot of time with me. He keeps telling me this is important to him and he wants it to work. We’ve had a couple of hickups but gotten past them (mainly due to him – he is mature and knows how to discuss things and work them out).
I have noticed that we don’t really go out on dates anymore. I keep dropping hints to him that he should take me out to dinner, in a joking way, but we haven’t done anything nice for a couple weeks now. Last weekend I made all these suggestions – ice skating, going to a festival, etc. But nothing ever eventuated.
He’s gone away this weekend and is due back this week but I am worried all we will do is watch TV and have sex. Don’t get me wrong – I like these things too – but I still wish we would do more.
Essentially, I don’t really know how to get what I want. Apart from making myself very busy with my own activities – maybe going to bookclub, seeing friends etc. and not being as available and hoping he will get the hint and offer to take me out? Or would it be better to try to be more direct with him? Or would that seem like I have a sense of entitlement? I’ve notice when I jokingly suggest a dinner date his voice gets very stiff and his manner changes.
Anon
It sounds like he is checking out and not really interested in a relationship with you- perhaps sex, but nothing more
T from NY
Or he’s just a lazy bf! A healthy relationship is one with good communication! You should be able to say Babe – I wanna get out of the house next weekend. Would you prefer dinner night or a festival? (or whatever) Why is it always up to him what y’all do? If this continues acting like this consistently – it could be a sign you are not compatible. Some people truly just want to work, come home and eat, sex and TV and that makes them content. But also it is not a good sign that he doesn’t seem to be concerned about your needs and what you want to do.
It is not needy to tell your partner what your (reasonable) needs are as long as you are kind about it and not make a big drama. I would try to harness any major emotions if he doesn’t respond well or make a plan to make you happy — it’s important to ask for what you want and then sit back and see what the guy does. Watch to see if he’ll follow through and work to make you happy. If he doesn’t – it’s on you if you stay.
Phoebe
Ok T thanks I will try to say that and see what he says.
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