How To Make A Man Feel Emotionally Safe With You

Thank you Mistral! Keep it coming. Much appreciated. This makes a lot of sense.

Oh yes… And how old are you?

Hey Fayfay, glad you like the post. All of us have the potential to be in a great relationship and be capable of doing EVERYTHING on my list because if I could do it, trust me, ANYONE can.

Granted, it took some major screwing up for me to learn my lesson and truly “get” this whole unconditional love/compassion for another/putting yourself in their shoes (empathy) thing, but I consider myself blessed that I did get it in time to save my relationship and was extremely lucky that my boyfriend is a very spiritual and compassionate man.

But, to my credit, I did finally realize how I was screwing it all up (drinking and then getting angry) and that if I ever wanted to hear from him again, I better quit drinking right then and there and forever. Besides, it was good for my health too…won’t have to worry about sclerosis of the liver now! :)

Keep working on yourself. It gets easier as you keep doing it. What really helps me with the faith is waking up every morning and just saying a very simple prayer. “Thank You Creator for all the blessings and all the wonderful people in my life.” and I also ask for help when I feel sad or frustrated or even feel bad for someone I like. I say “Creator, please help “____” to work through this if it is in your plan for it to happen.” or “Creator, please help him to understand why I did that if that is in your plan for us.” :)

Patience for me comes with knowing that we have a lifetime together still left to live. A few minutes or hours apart is not going to ruin that lifetime of memories that we will still share.

Think of the bigger picture…you and him happy together, having fun. But don’t get too detailed about it as in making up fantasies that lead to expectations that are unrealistic. Live in the Present. Don’t dwell on past mistakes and don’t project or try to control future outcomes.

Hope that helps.

Yup…agree with RCS. The more Intel we have on men…The better men we chose and have better relationships.

Thanks Mistral.

I like your list Mistral. Don’t forget that the guy should put in as much (if not more) effort though :) …

Oh, trust me, I don’t worry. I just think it’s important to point out that a relationship requires teamwork – it takes two to tango.

So many of these type of articles don’t mention that.

Hi Kim,

We have to let go of control. When I say control here, I mean let go of the ILLUSION OF CONTROL. Most of us at one point or another thought we could control people, places and things outside of ourselves because our egos and self will fooled us into believing we can change others even against their own will simply because we want to without regard for the consequences.

Yore right. There is an element of surrender here. It is surrendering what hasn’t worked well so far and giving something else a try. Surrendering our self will for Creator/God/Universe’s Will.

The only person we have control over is our own self. We can change how we choose to see our present and future. Usually just by making some minor changes in our internal dialog with ourselves we can change the dynamics of how we see others and how they see and react to us.

I usually try to think positively yet realistically. My perception is my reality so I try to be as happy and positive as I can. I make myself crack a smile every few minutes because it just feels better to smile than to frown. Besides, they say smiles add years to your life while frowns take away years. :).

You’re very welcome Kim! Yoga is awesome as exercise and meditation. It will help so much with calming and stilling your mind and helping you with being patient and letting things happen as they are meant to happen without self will butting in and mucking things up. :)

I’m bumping this thread up since I was talking about spiritual awakenings and the 12 steps of AA/Al-Anon/NA

whaaaat??? Tara, I think I didn’t understand you, this is a BS post?
I actually copied what Mistral wrote and reread it.

simple…if you don’t like it, then leave it. It wasn’t written for you. It was written for every woman that may take away something positive from it.

Mistral, this post meant so much to me. I’m serious. I have recently reconnected with a man I dated briefly two years ago. We both weren’t in a good spot then and I basically bailed on him. He looked me up and told me he always felt like he missed the boat with me and has been working on himself a lot. And so have I. And the connection we have already is so incredible, so much better than it was. Its both comfortable and exciting.
So, I feel ready to enjoy a healthy relationship now. I’m not going to get insecure or overthink…just be. And I am going to pull this post out and remind myself of it as much as I have to.