Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › How to reach out to the guy I am dating after being vulnerable about my issues?
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 4 years, 10 months ago by
Lane.
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Jeni
We had our 7th/8th date recently and things got pretty intense where we spoke about exs and etc. I also told him about the fact that I deal with anxiety, and told him about very personal times where its affected me intensely. He took it pretty well in the moment and we had a very involved discussion about what it entails and what not.
It was pretty mentally exhausting to discuss that. And here I am the next day worried if I have scared him off because we haven’t spoken all day. It felt like the right thing to do to share what I deal with and I don’t regret sharing it at all. I just don’t know if he’s processed it and decided to just back off.
How do I reach out and find out? Should I even reach out?
Tallspicy
Do not reach out. You are a woman and now you feel anxious, so you are trying to close that gap by getting reassurance. You need to learn to be there for you, not to wait to see if you are ok, by making him responsible for your okness.
The reality is it might be too much for him, and it is ok if he exits. He would have learned about who you are sooner or later.
Until a man is your boyfriend, you should not be initiating anyhow.
Option A – he comes back, great!
Option B – He disappears, and that is actually great too because he is not the man for you. But ok to be disappointed.AND no matter what, do not make this an ongoing topic of discussion, men can get overwhelmed easily, so let him process and ask questions if he wants to.
Khadija
I agree let him come to you. At this point you would be reaching out of anxiousness and needing reassurance.
Dating is about getting to know the other person and deciding if they’re right for you.Worse case scenario he decides that topic was too heavy and he isn’t interested in continuing seeing you. That’s his choice and nothing you did or said was wrong.
If he does reach out and wants to keep dating don’t make topic something you continuously discuss. I’m sure it will come up but, you don’t want to overwhelm someone with your issues.
Are you currently seeing a therapist? If not, I think it would be a good idea.
Take a deep breath and keep in mind things will work out for the best.
T from NY
What Tallspicy said all day long
Emma Ritter
According to me, if you want to meet your guy so firstly you have to find their close friends who knows about their daily routines and all. After that you will go to their house or if they have working some place so you also can find that place.
You have to clear all the issues and all personal things that you think you haven’t share till now. Because every relationship based on trust, loyalty and understanding.
So I hope you’re getting my point and trying to sort out your all issues with your current mate.
Good Luck!
Ss
@emma ritter – what now?!!! Stalk him? Sure ….
Lane
I would not get ‘that heavy’ so early in the dating process!!! It’s actually a turn off and if I don’t know you well enough it could very well be the reason I exit.
My BF told me some heavy childhood stuff (his stepfather was physically abusive) when we were together around four months. If he told me that so early out of the gate I don’t know if I would have continued seeing him as it was ‘too much’ even at that juncture. I actually needed some time to process it and then see if it had a negative affect on him as it made me leery.
All you can do is wait for him to check back in again. If he doesn’t then I would make a mental note not to get that heavy in the early dating process but keep it light and fun until you’ve bonded long enough that it won’t scare the other off haha.
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