Home › Forums › How To Get My Ex Back › How to redeem from being the crazy
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AngieBaby.
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kate
I was seeing this guy for 3 months, which started shortly after finally making myself happy after another relationship. I called it off because he wouldn’t put a label on it even though we were extremely happy. I really think he is the one…Here’s where it gets complicated; we stayed friends and talked for 2 months now after it was called quits. Made me happy and felt like one day we could work it out again, however ive became so unhappy and depressed I have been so cranky toward him lately and he finally said enough is enough. I send 5 mes. W.o. a reply. Get drunk and text him. Tell him 1 min. I miss him then the other id be just f**k buddies (just so I could see him again). Ive also torn him apart and pointed out his flaws. Ive appologized 5 times today w. No response and told him this wasnt like me and im just in a slump. Im afraid ive dug myself in to far to save this one but not a day goes by without me thinking about how happy I was which makes me sad now because im a mess. I need help!
Lexi
Hey Kate,
Gonna give you some tough love here. First off, give him some space, and by that I mean don’t contact him unless he contacts you. That sounds tough but if he’s telling you enough is enough he’s really telling you look, the way you’re acting is stressing me out and I need you to leave me alone right now. You didn’t need to tell him you were in a slump cause he probably already knew you were based on the way you said you are acting. If thats still difficult to do think of it this way: put yourself in his shoes and his in yours. Imagine a guy you dated for 3 months and then stayed friends with had been friends with had recently been whining to you all the time and being generally negative. Eventually that would drain you right? And then, say you’re like look that’s enough you can’t keep acting like this and his response is to keep texting you and then apologizing a bunch of times. You’d probably get more annoyed and think he was being needy, and that the profuse texting was unnecessary. If you’re already drained and/or annoyed that’s just gonna piss you off more girl or guy. Guy’s aren’t that different than girls. Any person is going to get drained when someone is negative, and after a while just needs some space.
On another note something I’ve learned in my relationships: Your own emotions are your own responsibility. Yes, its okay to tell someone you’re upset or be in a bad mood from time to time. But if you’re down, its not appropriate to be continuously taking it on someone else and that includes venting, getting angry, being generally mopey, making constant excuses for your poor behavior. Again, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Say you have a girl friend who just was in a breakup. That first week that she’s upset you’re there for her, help her out, let her cry. But if she continues to do that week after week for a month, it becomes too much for you as a friend to handle. You know that you supporting her at that point isn’t helping her or you. When it comes down to it, the person that can make you feel happy or depressed is you, no one else. Emotions come from inside. Yes, situations can effect them, but ultimately its you who controls how you feel.
So stop worrying about this guy. If he cares about you too he’ll come back. And if doesn’t you’ll be happy again. Emotions go up and down in life, and every slump ends. Instead of worrying about ruining things with him, because in truth you have no control over his emotions or life, and he already know’s you’re sorry for how you acted, just focus on the things in life that make you happy. Yeah, you might not feel your best right now, but trust me, just doing things that make you a little happier can make a heck of a difference.
Lexi
Sorry about some of those typos, it’s a little late.
kate
Thanks for your help lexi…do you think if I apply the no contact rule for 30 days I should text him with a nice text that draws back from the fun we use to have or have I dug myself to far in to be redeemed?
LAgirl
Kate,
Not sure I understand … Was he your BF or were you just attempting to see each other again after a break up?I would stay silent. See if he comes back to you. It seems you were not happy in this relationship or you would not have gone off. Did he really make you happy or are you just upset it’s finally over. Sometimes trying to fix a relationship that isn’t working results in more heartache …
See if he comes back to you, but don’t count on it… Just keep living your life.
kate
He was my boyfriend for 3 months and helped me through a lot and helped me realize my previous relationship of 7 years was unhealthy. I had issue with my past exes too, but just feel like this time I really lost something I want. This guy and me stayed close at first but I kept saying I didnt want anything because I did not want to seem needy or desperate…and 1 day I just blew and got mad about not being anything even though we both would contact each other at least 3x a week. Then when we would talk it just constantly turn into me nagging. Ripping him apart. Drunk texting him etc. And i knew i had to calm down but its not easy. I finally made the initiative to stop texting him after talking to him yesterday about things and leaving things on a better note then my drunk text from the weekend. Im just hoping after 30 days of fixing myself I will be able to talk to him but I dont want to be the girl who gets ignored because all my fixing could get ruined from 1 day. I just really dont want to let this one get away.
Sonia
I was seeing this guy for about 6 months, things were going really well. I may not have recognized that he had a slight drinking problem, until one night he got super drunk, embarrassed me completely in front of my closest friend, and decided to pick me up, only to drop me on the ground leaving me with severe wounds on my face and a broken shoulder. Now I know he did not do this to me intentionally, but he did drink out of control to cause all this havoc. He then proceeded to go out the very night I ended up going to the hospital, into the next day. I still kept my patience until I had enough, and decided to break up with him. I had to miss work for six weeks, and upon returning to my job, the pain in my shoulder was unbearable. I know I was raised to be a lady, but I texted him and cursed him out for the physical pain I was feeling, and the fact that I was so far behind in my job. Now I feel terrible that I stooped so low. I feel very guilty, how do I stop feeling this way? I’ve blocked his number, I do not want to contact him ever again, but I need and want to get over him and the relationship, but just don’t know how to.
JR
Give him space, no more contact from you. Don’t even bother. You did what you did, you can’t take that back. Don’t sulk in your mistake just keep you head high. If he has his space he may reach out and prob laugh at it. Don’t reach out to him, even if you don’t hear from him after your 30 NC. You sounded so desperate, you need to give him his space.
redcurleysue
You have the right to feel that your misery was his fault – cause it was.
He has a drinking problem? Say no more…out to the curb.
Monique
Well my situation is a little different
I ve been with my ex for six years and we
Had our ups and down like any other couple
Let’s just say my mouth can be reckless but
Please understand with his cold ways cause me
to react that way. Well he dump me a month ago
and I was so hurt.He gave me the whole its me not you bull crap. What is crazy is in May i was
in the hospital for three weeks. And he stood by
my side and took care of me and gave me so much love . I got out of the hospital and spent the whole weekend together and things were good
until I found some numbers with names and i was so upset about it when I brought it to his attention he got so mad at me and I left his house so we didn’t talk for a couple of days
and bam I found that I am pregnant long story short he does not want me to keep our baby.Now here i am pregnant and alone just recently i went to his house and acted a damn fool he never open the door he never answer my texts its like we were never together im just so angry with him
for leaving me after six years. I’m just emotional right now and I don’t know what to do i need some advice.Nana
So I’m sure a lot of women have gone through this but I honestly don’t know how to handle this situation. I met a guy, I’m 27 and he is 26. We had so much fun together and I thought he liked me. We would hook up and it was amazing, he told me so many times that he couldn’t wait to see me and he would text me several times. I have 2 kids and recently divorced, I don’t think I’m ready for another relationship but I didn’t want to lose home for good. Anyway after the last time we hooked up he didn’t call or text for days. Then finally I text him asking if he wanted to get a drink with me that weekend and he said he had to work (which I know was a lie). I then asked him what the matter was and he said he saw I was getting feelings for him and he needed space. I didn’t understand that, why was that a bad thing? I know initially we got in this thing as fwb but isn’t it normal to develop feelings eventually? Since then he has been so cold, barely answering my text and acting like I don’t have emotions what so ever. It just hurts and I don’t know how to approach this because I really like him and saw us together. I sent him another text a week later to see if we could talk about it and he blew me off by saying talk about what. I just don’t understand what went wrong. Is it too late to get him back, he never really gave me a chance and I can’t live with that. I miss being around him, he made me feel happy again and now he’s just gone.
Hannah
Hey everyone! I’d suggest starting a new post with your problem. It makes it easier to focus on helping just you
Monique
Well my situation is a little different
I ve been with my ex for six years and we
Had our ups and down like any other couple
Let’s just say my mouth can be reckless but
Please understand with his cold ways cause me
to react that way. Well he dump me a month ago
and I was so hurt.He gave me the whole its me not you bull crap. What is crazy is in May i was
in the hospital for three weeks. And he stood by
my side and took care of me and gave me so much love . I got out of the hospital and spent the whole weekend together and things were good
until I found some numbers with names and i was so upset about it when I brought it to his attention he got so mad at me and I left his house so we didn’t talk for a couple of days
and bam I found that I am pregnant long story short he does not want me to keep our baby.Now here i am pregnant and alone just recently i went to his house and acted a damn fool he never open the door he never answer my texts its like we were never together im just so angry with him
for leaving me after six years. I’m just emotional right now and I don’t know what to do i need some advice.Ms. Johnson
Ok dear let me give you some honesty
Just let it go and move on with your life it
sounds like what you two had was a friendship
with benefits. In the beginning did you make it
clear you wanted a relationship? Or did you just
go with the flow? Regardless of what he has
made it clear that he doesn’t want to be
be with you. Respect the fact that he is
being honest instead of leading you on
its not like you guys been dealing for
years and besides if you and him never
had a understanding its just better to
walk away.olivia
Kate,
What ever happened with this situation? I am currently in one very similar.Khadija
Olivia,
This post dates back to July 2014. How about you create your own post.Sara
Hi, I need some advice
So I have been seeing this guy for two months now. He is a friend from class…I was in a relationship for 2yrs so I always turned down the idea of us until the end of August after my break up. I went into it knowing it was probably just gonna end up being a fwb situation. We’ve had fun so far and things have been all casual. Last time we hung out, I asked if he was seeing other people and he said he was seeing another friend also. That day I didn’t say much…we had sex and I left the next day. I got home and started thinking about it and the more I did the more I realized I wasn’t ok not being exclusive. So my first question is (1) am I wrong for feeling this way?
Well i messaged him two days after saying I needed some me time to decide if that was something I was ok with but here’s the tricky part..when I sent that I just meant I didn’t want to come over for the weekend but we could definitely text but I think he took it as no contact at all. I saw him in school two days after and the vibe was just different so I decided to text him when I got home and asked if I could call to talk on the phone (ps we have never had a phone call) but he declined saying he wasn’t feeling it and I said ok I guess it will have to be till when next we see. So now I’m stuck cause I feel I scared him off by asking for some time and in the text I sent I said I liked him and maybe I shouldn’t have. I’m just wondering where this leaves me. I feel I’m being misunderstood , I don’t want any sort of commitment and I feel that’s what he might think at this point…I know if I text again then I will look crazy so I’m stuck and I don’t know if I wanna wait till I see him cause what if he never sends a text to hang out.I just wanna go back to the fun part like this never happened.Christine
You can’t redeem yourself from this one. You sound really unstable. Get professional help. You can’t hide these kind of issues and you obviously can’t currently control them. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, but I have seen plenty of women who act just like you, and they can’t hold onto a guy for more than a short period of time. You need to get normal and stable to have a good relationship with a man.
Sara
Just a quick update. He called today and I cleared the air. So so yh thanks but no thanks @Christine .
Pandora
Sara, I think Christine was replying to the original post…
sometimes people dont take notice of the dates and are not reading the whole thread, they just reply to to original postanyway, how you cleared the air? good for you
but be aware, fwb situations can be tricky…. and nobody likes the idea, that they have sex with somebody and the said person has sex with somebody else as well and dont even deny it…
Alexa
I left my husband less than two weeks ago. He immediately jumped into a relationship two days later from an online dating site and he only got this girl to talk to him because he mentioned his job and how much he makes. He did that to get back at me. Two days after he met her he was telling her he loves her and he’s spending money on her and her kid. Now, I love this man with all of my heart. I left him because I felt like the children and I were being a burden. I turned it into a fight when I left though. I don’t know why, I was just so hurt at that moment. Well he’s liking her pictures, telling her he misses her and things like that. I wanted him to see that his family is what he needs but how can I when he’s already moved on? Is it really just a rebound and what he’s doing will stop? Is there a chance that I could get him back?
Nat
You walked away from your marriage, took the father of your children away from them because you wanted to prove something?
He goes and hooks up with someone immediately.
You deserve each other. But I feel sorry for your kids.
One of you has to grow up.
Kat
OK so we arnt dating but this guy say he likes me but I did a stuff up and got my friend to ask him out but the first time he said nothing then, my friend shouted out that I liked him, then my friend asked him out again for me anc said no so I decided to give up but my friends r like u can’t Grove up and that but I’m like he said no well shook his head. And my friend send him a message on fb asking if he wanted to go to the movies with us (I had no part in it) and I’m afraid he thinks I’m some creep that don’t take no for an answer and my friend added him on my Facebook but he didn’t except soooooo…. Now I think he thinks I’m a phyco 😥
Kat
Sorry probably thinks I’ve never actually talked to him
Brittany
Can the OP update and fill us in on how the situation ended up and how you’re doing.
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