How to redeem yourself after "needy" behavior?

You’re so busy focusing all your attention on ‘whether he’s losing interest in you’ that you’ve forgotten to actually enjoy the relationship.

You need to change your attitude. Stop desiring this constant reassurance from him.

Have your own life outside of this relationship. Have your own hobbies, your own friends, your own interests –this will help you realize that you are an independent person and your happiness does not lie just within this guy. And thus, this will stop you from clinging on to his every text.

Your boyfriend needs to add to your happiness, not be the source of your happiness. Once you have this mindset, it will help reduce your ‘needy’ behaviour.

Stars- kinda hard for my specific life situation, but thank you! I will definitely try to focus less on him.

Raven- well I have been overanalyzing his texting pattern for a while now and he has overall decreased when it comes to flirting and trying to impress me, as well as in jut regularly texting in general. Regardless we had a visit planned and followed through with it. First day was good- he seemed into me and glad I was there. Second day seemed opposite. Shortly before I left on third day I asked why the difference. He said I needed to initiate as well. Long story short, at the time I was convinced another girl had come into the picture in the mean time or something and he wasn’t interested any more. I got home Monday, texted him today to say hi for the first time since return and haven’t heard back. I don’t know if this confirms my suspicions or if I’m just paranoid.

I’ve done the same thing countless times in life! all you can do is change, meaning don’t initiate contact (especially when you feel needy, if you don’t feel needy & you feel confident, it’s fine once in a while) and try your hardest to focus on other things even just listening to music, a magazine, anything.. when your focus is on you and what you like to do, you won’t put out a bad vibe. I know, easier said than done, I’m guilty of doing this 20 million times lol but the first step is to just not initiate contact, and in general act towards guys as if they’re one of your guy friends :)

Katie, good luck. I try to think of it as the ball is in his court. Either he plays and lobs it back or he doesn’t.
I am, or just WAS, in the email phase with a guy. After almost two days of not hearing back I was getting so anxious I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I realized I was metaphorically holding a medicine ball and the more anxious I got the heavier it got. So I imagined rolling it to him and he emailed later that night. I think it was a coincidence but it helped me calm down and ease up on MYSELF.
Give him the ball and see what he can or can’t do with it.

Lane, you are so right, and it’s hard to hear.
It’s hard to be patient in a world of instant gratification. And it seems a lot gets lost in translation.
Good luck to you all!

Hi Katie,

I am sorry but I don’t understand. If a man does not show interest I am breaking up with him…I don’t hang on every word (text) as though my life depends on it.

I know this is radical in thinking but I value myself and a man needs to be chasing me (shows consistent interest) or I automatically lose interest in him.

I want someone who wants me and shows that. I have a life so if he flakes I just say, “Next”.

I’d say just move on. It just means that ‘He’s just not that into you’. Guys never speak in code. If they are into you they will go all out in staying in touch and taking you out and if not, well they either act flakey like this one or just disappear.

You guys are commenting on a very old post.