Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › How to seduce him
- This topic has 15 replies and was last updated 5 years, 2 months ago by
Lane.
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Julia
Hi guys, my boyfriend and I haven’t had sex in over a month. I’m feeling really insecure and unsure of why. We don’t argue or have issues. I don’t understand what has happened.
I’m so nervous of being rejected from him that I avoid it all together. I feel like if I start to try something or make a move he is going to tell me no.
I’m feeling very ugly and just weird about it. What did I do to deserve this? I tried asking and he said nothing is wrong. I even asked if there’s someone else and he said of course not. I don’t think there is but it’s very weird to me. How can I become attractive again?
Miss_A
How often did you have sex before? Has he been rejecting you, or do you just worry that he might? How long have you been together?
Julia
We have been together officially since June 1st. We didn’t have it that much we are doing distance. It’s tough I just can’t place why he wouldn’t want to.
Lane
I would break up over this personally as its sounds like a case of sexual incompatibility.
This is the *purpose* of dating and relationships—to determine if your a good match in the way both parties are getting most of their needs met, including working as a team to solve problems or issues that arise.
There are a lot of reasons why a man can’t or doesn’t feel like having sex which doesn’t always mean they aren’t attracted or desire you but due to a decrease in testosterone, ED or other personal issues that may have caused problems in his prior relationships as well. If he’s not willing to discuss or work with you on it then I don’t see how you can be happy in this relationship long-term which is the ultimate goal.
Your relationship priorities need some tweaking. Its not about being in a relationship, its about being in a relationship with the right person.
Newbie
Your timeline and being long distance sort of matches woth the post why wont he post pictures of me? It would make sense they are from the same person since both posts ooze insecurity and anxiety. Doing long distance you have to have a rock solid trust, good communication and not leaving the other person hanging. In your case you dont seem to have any solid ground and im even wondering how many times you saw this guy. In general: if a relationship causes insecurity and anxiety its not the relationship for you. You dont go try to seduce him but you find a man who will throw you on the table every time he sees you
Liz Lemon
If you are long distance, how often do you see each other?
And you didn’t answer the previous question, how often did you have sex before?
You’ve only been together less than 5 months and you’re doing long distance–without knowing how often you see each other, it’s hard to comment.You do sound very insecure and anxious. I can tell you that confidence is very sexually attractive. If you feel weird and ugly, your boyfriend is probably picking up on that, and to be blunt, it’s a turn off.
But, this isn’t to say everything is your fault. Like Newbie said, if you’re insecure and anxious– if you don’t feel confident and secure in the relationship– then it’s probably not the relationship for you. You should be with a guy who makes you feel beautiful and sexy. A relationship that leaves you feeling ugly, where you can’t communicate about sex, is not a healthy relationship.
Julia
It’s just thats how I feel now because my physical appearance hasn’t changed at all, and it doesn’t make sense.
I just don’t understand because I tried to bring it up but there’s always a reason. I’ve never had this issue before. I don’t want to lose him, and I just don’t get why he won’t tell me what’s going on.
Lane
At this juncture, if you don’t want to *lose him* then you have to accept it for how IT IS, not what you hope, wish or want it to be.
He’s clearly indicated to you he is not willing to discuss or improve upon this area of your relationship, so all you can do is suck it up, accept it, and stop bothering him about it or he will lose you if you keep demanding more sex than what he’s willing to offer you thus far. This is what he’s offering—take it, or leave it. This is your choice, not his, as he’s already made his.
Better off single
Go to the gym and eat healthier
Julia
I am only 115 pounds, I cook a lot and am healthy. I also go to the gym! I take good care of myself, always shower. Etc. I smell good, he even says so.
I don’t believe it’s a physical issue, but it’s making me insecure.
LJ
Newbie’s observation is on point.
Julia, if you are the same poster as the topic “He never posts pictures of me”, you should tell us. There was some good advice in that thread, and I think if you are the same person, it would help people frame their advice to you here, too.
Julia
I think your comments about me being insecure and anxious are extremely rude. How would you feel if your own boyfriend rejected you?
It would make anyone feel insecure. Not *be insecure. It’s a feeling. It makes me sad. And I’m just looking for honest help.Newbie
I dont understand how it can be rude when you are saying the exact same thing about yourself. Its not rude, its something a lot of women deal with and is so inside them that its hard to fix. Its easy to say become more confident but hard to do. But in the meantime you are given very limited information. Which is fine, you can reveil what you want. But to me it looks like you are in a somewhat relationship with a guy that is not all in. If you are also the girl from the other post yoivalso question if you are a side chick and seeing his family more than him. If you also feel he doesnt want to have sex with you and its only 6 months in then what is the logical solution here? Leave him and find a guy into you. Its really that simple.
Newbie
But i do apologize if i offended you
Liz Lemon
You said you were feeling insecure in your initial post. And you do seem anxious. But I said it wasn’t your fault, and if you are in a relationship that’s making you feel unattractive and weird, then you are in the wrong relationship.
As Newbie said, you’ve given us almost no information. So it’s hard to give you a good reply. How often do you & him see each other? How often did you have sex before this became an issue?
To answer your question, if my boyfriend had stopped having sex with me 4-5 months in and wouldn’t tell me why, I would have had to end the relationship and move on to someone more compatible….You’re looking for help but we can’t make your boyfriend have sex with you. If he’s not willing to communicate with you about this, there’s no way to force him. The only person you can control is you. As others have said, maybe you’re just incompatible, and perhaps you need to end the relationship and find a man who doesn’t make you feel this way.
Lane
OP, you can’t seduce a man if they don’t want to be seduced! There is no magic potion formula no. 9 that you can sprinkle in a guy’s drink where he suddenly wants to see, be with, and have sex with you 24/7! Life doesn’t work that way, no differently than a man you don’t feel attracted to or attraction for can suddenly make you feel attracted by simply saying or doing something, but can easily lose attraction when one does too much!
I don’t think this has anything to do with physical attraction but emotional attraction. I think you are acting way too “wifey” and he’s feeling the pressure from you trying to over integrate yourself into his life too fast, and he’s resisting (pulling back). Let go of the need to control this relationship, and he may naturally step back if you take a major step back or he won’t and has already checked out of this relationship, he just doesn’t have the guts to tell you yet.
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