Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › How to stop being over sensitive
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mila.
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mila
I’m dating a super sweet guy for 4 months. Things are doing great, he is very attentive, caring and into me.
Thing is, he has a bit of a dry sense of humor. For exemple, I posted a picture of me at the beach with white dress. I have a pale skin but I managed to tan a little bit.
My boyfriend sent me a message on messenger saying that “You would look transparent in the north pole with your pale skin and your white dress.”
I don’t know why but I took it badly… I’m not confident with my pale skin and I took it personnaly.
I told him, “are you so envious that Im having a great time that you send me this negative comment?”He answered that it was just a joke…
I felt silly after that… How can I be more laid back with dry humor like this? This is not the first time it happens… Anything that is said about my body or personnality with a dry humor I take it so badly…
Thank you
Lane
This is part and parcel of getting to know another individual, romantic or not. If he is the ‘joking type’ which many men are, including my BF, then learn how to joke with them! Men love to have fun which they do through joking, sarcasm or even dry humor. The funner you can be around them, the more they fall in love with you! I love when my BF jokes around because it makes me laugh and there’s nothing more appealing to a man who can make his woman laugh!
A comeback is great as long as you make it just as witty as theirs, whereas your response was actually good until you made it personal by taking a jab at him as those could close him down and start seeing you as being the not fun too serious girl. I’m very white too yet I’m perfectly happy in my pale/white skin! You have to love who you are, white skin and all, or you’re going to make yourself miserable. There’s beauty in being pale/white no differently than there’s beauty in darker skin types—so own your beauty and learn how give it back to your BF by owning it but having fun with it too :o)
Newbie
Its a pretty funny joke. It has to do with insecurity, like you said but also with the fact you somehow feel you have to be perfect. And if someone points out a ‘flaw’, you feel you got caught. But its very hard to chance your reaction to it. Try some selfmockery. If you have a pale skin for example, you cant change it into something else.
To accept yourself for who you are and be totally happy with that, takes time and selflove and knowing that looks dont define how loved you will be. But you can tell your bf you struggle with these jokes and explain why they bother youmila
Thank you girls!!
I appreciate your feedback so much!I have still a little work to do on my insecurities… I will work on them.
Thanks for the tips Lane, I will improve my repartee ;)
Usually I’m joking with him but this time I felt attacked haha… I react like this when its a joke when on my “flaws”/body on which I feel insecure about. I will talk to him about it…
So you are very right newbie. Im a perfectionnist and I need to let go of control to be perfect.
Thank you :***
mila
Also, since it was by ‘text’ its easier for me to believe that he wasn’t joking as I don’t see him face to face.
When he makes jokes face to face I can see he is teasing me so I kind of laugh witv him…
But by text I always have this “hurt” feeling that comes… :/
Newbie
Yeah i can understand how this comment in text might come across as unneccesary. I think telling him you like face to face banter is just fine and fun but getting a comment like that is not very appreciated.
A sidenote: guys are really good at reading womens true intentions. Your response was: cant you handle me having a good time? Makes me think you posted it for that reason and he could ‘sniff’ that. All in all, i wouldnt focus too much on this comment but more about general attitudeLane
Mila you need to learn how to not misinterpret texts as its far too easy to do and one of the TOP reasons relationships fail today btw. The one thing my BF and I made a pact on was to not take texting too seriously as its too easy to misinterpret a word or message incorrectly and that has helped us immensely because sometimes we shoot it off without checking it so we’ll make a laugh or joke out of it which has allowed texting to be easy and breezy with us.
Be careful with texting. Truly try to use it sparingly and primarily for logistical purposes until you get to know each other super well, and leave a bulk of the communication in person or by phone (its that call thingy feature) when not together. This way you have the verbal (tone, inflection) and non-verbal cues (body signals) to know what kind of mood they are in when happy, tired, bored, busy, driving, and the context in how they speak when in those moods because through over time you will be able to attach that mood/tone to their texts and know when their tired, bored, busy, etc. This how you get to know your partner on a deeper level….through trial and error :o)
mila
Thank you Lane and newbie!
I communicated that to him and he took it very well :)
We are both not into texting that much, he often let me vocal messages on watsapp which I find much better!Have a good summer holidays girls!!
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