Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Huh? Disabled Profile?
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Vanessa.
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Melissa
I’ve been talking to and texting this guy I met on OkCupid. We had a plan to have our first date this weekend. I asked him yesterday if things were still looking good for this weekend (I have a child that I have to make arrangements for) and he said “It looks to be so.” We got along great and had similar interests. I sign in on OkCupid this morning and I noticed his profile was disabled. I haven’t heard from him yet today but I’m wondering if he’s met someone else. Which I know shouldn’t be a big deal since we haven’t had a date yet. But like I said, if we’re meeting I have to have plans set for my child to be cared for. Should I ask him about this?
Lane
Hi Melissa.
Maybe his subscription ran out and doesn’t want to renew it? If he hasn’t ‘checked in’ at least a few hours before the date, then just send a quick text “My babysitter is confirmed for this evening and look forward to meeting you tonight.” Keep it short and simple. Don’t say anything about “let me now if we’re still on or not” as that’s insecure talk, need to be CONFIDENT that it will happen :-)
miss independent
It could be a million reasons as to why his account is disabled. If he hasn’t said anything then chances are you guys are still on board.
talllady
Melissa,
Have you given him your number or email? If so, the above thing is totally irrelevant, he can contact you outside the system.
If not, well, hopefully, he will turn it back on. I would be not be worried at this point, but I would also get some backup plans so that you don’t waste your sitter….
M.
Melissa
Yes talllady. We have talked on the phone and text daily.
Andrea
I would say if he doesn’t confirm 1 day before the date, do not make any arrangement for your child. Let him schedule another time if he still wants to meet.
Ivy
Forget about him being online, or offline, I don’t see the significance of that.
The best road for the date is to be confident and assume that it will happen. I don’t think he has to confirm again, it sounds like it is already confirmed. He said yes, get the babysitter unless he cancels. It is a risk, sure, just like everything.
And I wouldn’t mention it again, I would assume it’s confirmed unless it was confirmed tentatively. And if you are talking or texting daily what is the issue?
Melissa
“And I wouldn’t mention it again, I would assume it’s confirmed unless it was confirmed tentatively. And if you are talking or texting daily what is the issue?”
Ivy, Well I haven’t heard from him yet today. It seemed it was disabled over the night or early this morning. I only noticed because his messages are among the most recent I’ve gotten. So, when all it showed was a shadowy figure and it said it was disabled, I noticed.
I know I have some insecurities. Just a few weeks ago, I had went out with another man. Had a good first date, made plans for a few days later, and then within a couple days, he already had found a girlfriend (even had the nerve to say he’d like to pick up with me if he didn’t work out and I said don’t bother and good bye). So I guess that is where my insecurity comes from. It’s like things change so fast. This is a guy who I’d like to get to know and keep around, so I’m really hoping our date is still on. I just hope he’s not the type who just disappears without explanation and would have the decency to let me know what’s going on (good or bad).
Ivy
Melissa, Actually I have to say, if I were you and a guy said he found a girlfriend but if it didn’t work out can he contact me, if he was a good guy I was interested in seeing again, I would say sure and good luck. You took it personally because of your insecurities. Maybe he had 5 dates with that girl and you just 1 and he is a rare breed that actually doesn’t want to multi-date and I think what he did was actually cool. But your insecurities led you to believe that you were being second choice when he barely knew you. It’s ok, though, it takes a lot of lot of confidence to be the kind of girl that would be like, good luck. Also, love is a funny thing, if it’s meant to be it will be and he could have had a date 6 with that girl and found out a deal-breaker then went on a date with you and was like wow, I am so lucky she gave me a second chance.
And you are hoping for way too much too early. You shouldn’t be so invested that you will be at all disapointed if it doesn’t work out for this date. But you should assume it will. A tad bit of dissapointment is ok, but not to the point you are stressing about it.
Get into a confident, happy, fun vibe for this date….and get out of the mindset for needing it to move fast, that is early dating killer.
talllady
No man makes you insecure. You make you insecure. That does not mean you should be with any man, it means if you have a base confidence and your are insecure around someone, then it is a sign that maybe you are not a fit.
As to a man who went on one date and said, I met someone else sorry. The correct response is – “Oh, thanks for telling me! While the timing is a bummer, if it doesn’t work out, give me a shout. Best of luck to you!”. Why burn a bridge?
You want to keep this new man/him around? You have not even met yet. Slow your roll.
There is 0 reason for you to think that the date is off other than your imagination. This is not your boyfriend, he does not owe you any contact. I had a man I met on a friday, he asked me out and we sorted out details on a monday, he contacted me Friday morning. No contact in between. I just assumed we had a date. That’s all. All of our dates were like that, and as he got more comfortable, by date 3, he simply checked in at 3 day of (but we had specific plans).
M
Generally, if a man has a date set (with a time and a place) he will be there, and may not confirm. That’s not to say he shouldn’t confirm because that is the polite and courteous thing to do with a woman, but he may be ignorant of that.
Do you have a time and a place set up to meet or are you waiting to set up the specific details? If you don’t have details set up, I would NOT book that baby sitter until you have that information. If you do have a time and location, then I would assume it is a go but you may want to have back-up plans in case it falls through. Whether that’s meeting up with a girlfriend at the last minute, going to a movie on your own, etc… try to plan a back up activity that you will enjoy in case he flakes. That is ALWAYS a possibility with online dating, even if the man confirms that same day. I have had guys call and confirm that same day and STILL stood me up. Also it has happened to girlfriends… where she is there at the place, he’s a few minutes late, she calls him and he says he’s on his way and still doesn’t show up. With online dating, you get all sorts, so especially if you have to go through the trouble and expense of getting a sitter, make sure you have a backup plan.
As for the guy who went exclusive with someone else and asked if he could call you… the others have already given you the information you need for that one… just had that happen to me yesterday. A man was supposed to call for a date on Monday. He didn’t call so I kind or wrote him off. He called me Tuesday and said the woman he’s been seeing very infrequently for 3 weeks had called and asked him to be exclusive, so he is giving it a chance. He apologized for wasting my time, etc. I said he had no obligation to contact me and let me know so I appreciated that and I hope it works out for you, but if not, feel free to get in touch. I even asked him how it was for him having her be the one to ask, and he said he was cool with it but he didn’t know if it was going to go anywhere. We parted on good terms and it feels like we both felt good about it, and have respect for each other (and it’s rare for a guy to call to explain this, even after one, two or three dates… you’re more likely just not to hear from him again). If a guy takes the time to tell you what’s up, that shows he’s a decent guy who is courteous and has at least some care for your feelings.
Karen
Hi Melissa,
I’m on ok cupid too and some how i can’t log into my account that might have happened to him too. It kicked me out and its not accepting my email or profile name,just saying it might have happened to him too. Good luck.
Karen
karla
hey girls! I have the same problem…
I was talking to a guy for 5 days 24/7, everything was going well.
We had arranged to speak the next morning but suddenly I realize that he desabled his account!
I tried to find him on facebook but nothing :( plus I do not have much information about himVanessa
Karla, create your own thread under forum, click on a category, then scroll all the way down. Otherwise, it gets confusing and people will comment on the original post.
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