Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › hurt his ego, how to fix
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 5 years, 7 months ago by
Sari.
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Meg
i unintentionally hurt this guy’s ego- it was a huge misunderstanding and he thinks i rejected him. Now he thinks i was leading him on.
i apologized but he doesnt believe me- i really dont know what to do.
For the record, he was friends with me for a couple years and we started seeing each ohter differently and “fell” for each other. so its not like we dont know each other.z
You apologised. you can’t make him accept the apology, actions do speak louder than words. so what I would do is somehow show him how apologetic I was… but you may want to give him space and wait for him to reach out to you. how did you hurt his ego if you don’t mind me asking?
Meg
First was a month ago- he had a bad day and I guess was looking for some love and validation from me- sent sexy pic. I was distracted and guess didn’t respond in a way he expected and that resulted in a huge ego bruising.
Next was a week ago- I had plans to attend wedding set before we started dating. He forgot I told him about this and planned a romantic weekend- he was going to surprise me. I came across info on the trip- told him how much I loved that and appreciate this but I have to go to this wedding- it had been on the books for a year. he thought because I wasn’t putting him top priority that I was rejecting him. huge bash to his ego.
I love him to death but he’s been really sensitive to validation from me and his ego lately. I don’t know what to do. the fact im even thinking about “validating” him so his ego isn’t hurt tells me something is off- it shouldn’t be a thought, it should come naturally, and it used to. Now it seems like he needs it or he breaks and gets mad at me. he wasn’t like this the first 8 months we dated so I don’t know what’s going on. He now says I should treat people better I claim I care for and that I should make sure my actions line up with my words.Breaks me :(
Hannah
This sounds a little bit controlling to me. You don’t act just how he wants, he makes it into an issue and ignores you. Then you have to be all apologetic when you haven’t done anything wrong! People can be controlling in needy and demanding ways, rarher than loud and aggressive, and it sounds to me that’s what he’s doing. It’s definitely manipulative.
If you haven’t done anything wrong, which it doesn’t sound like you have on either occasion, personally I wouldn’t back down. I would point out I hadn’t done anything wrong and leave him be until he’s being less childish. Otherwise this behaviour will get worse and he’ll start having tantrums about smaller and smaller things.
Anne
I agree with Hannah and think that she has given sound advice. My ex was like this and would dissolve into a baby as well if not validated and it only got worse. In the end, the need for validation escalated and everything would hurt his feelings or make him feel “bad about himself” if I didn’t react the way he expected. It was tiring. Can you live with this? If not, have a conversation with him to address this or realize that this is who he is and decide if you can live with that.
Sari
Hi,
I hurt his ego so badly… And I feel tetřívek about it. We went on teo dates, which were really nice. But I got scared, I know its bad:( After few days he sent me nice videotape, where he was sending me kisses. It was really sweet, but I was so scared that after 5 DAYS I just sent to him Lol and laughing emotikon. I felt terrible. After few days I saw him again, he was totally different. I saw that he got hurt a lot and he doesnt want me to see again. i apologised to him, I said: I wanna say sorry for my messages, i am so distant… And he said no no no and doesnt want to talk about it… we talked abou other thing, it was nice but I saw he isnt interested in me…:( after this I sent him a messege: I had a nice time with you and wish you luck. And he replied to me: good luck to!I am so sorry that I hurt him. Do you think is it the end? i think he would never write me again.
Sari -
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