I am really sad…

I know there are more good men out there…it’s just taken me so long to find him, now back to the drawing board. :(

I know that my life is a good life and he certainly doesn’t make me happy in my life. I am happy with or without him. I am very sensitive and I try not to show it but recently I have been working on myself to be more “vulnerable” and expressive in all aspects of my life and I feel like I did this with him and it didn’t work out. Yes, I have learned a lot from this relationship and I am glad I did. It just hurts.

I have to respectfully disagree with Anna on this one.

I believe you are giving false hope. A man knows after 3 or more months if you are the one. This man is mature and honest. So was S. They both want different things and to suggest she continue seeing him in hopes that this could develop into something is not fair to S.

Anna I know you are into open relationships, free sex, love everyone… Yet that strategy is the exception and not the norm. Applying principles of that to regular one on one dating and relationships is not a fair comparison.

I’m afraid that if S disregards what this man is clearly saying and continues down this path she will miss out meeting the man who wants to be serious with her.

It’s true ultimatums don’t work and I would not have had any of this conversation over Email. But the fact remains, this man isn’t wanting a serious relationship with S .

It’s not about you, S. I’m sure you have had men feel the same about you, yet you could not reciprocate. It’s about finding the one.. And sometimes the one YOU find isn’t the person that wants the same. I’m glad you stepped up and were clear on what is important to you. While it feels painful.. It just means he wasn’t the one and you simply are yet to meet that perfect man for you… It will happen.

There is a great article on this forum called he likes you, just ” not enough”

I do not disregard what this guy has said. I completely understand that he can’t give me what I want whether that’s now or ever. I also wish I didn’t do it via email, but the fact of the matter is, is that I hadn’t heard from him in about 4 days and it was eating away at me. He also knows that I am not very good at expressing myself (we’ve discussed it) and this is the best way I knew how at the time.

I think it’s too late to save face by saying I spoke too soon. I think I expressed my want to continue things…he knows that. I don’t think that I gave him an ultimatum. I was very clear that if he wants this great if not, that’s ok too. Even though I was hoping for a different outcome, I couldn’t put pressure on him.

I know there are other men out there, I know that. I doubt my actions even though I was probably right in doing so. There are some relationship experts that suggest never having the talk, but I couldn’t sit there and pretend to be happy with the situation (even though I was very happy with him when we were together) and not be. I have to be true to myself and what I want. It just sucks. I hurt and I wish there was something that I could do.

I do not plan on contacting him (please let me know if you both agree) in the near future. I think if he wants to contact me he will and I would be happy to reconnect (as friends at the beginning). I think the hard part is that he’s over me (if he was ever really into me) and has moved on with the other women he’s dating and I am here sad and picking up the pieces. I can’t stop crying and I know it sounds so silly, but I just can’t. I am trying to stay busy and spend time with friends, but this one just hurts.

IF you are waiting for him to contact you…..I think just be aware that you have probably given him the impression that you have NO INTEREST in speaking to him unless he’s 100% ready to be exclusive…..IF you would be open to hearing from him and spending time with him even if he’s not ready for that at this moment, I think you need to let him know that …..otherwise he will assume he has failed you so thoroughly that you want nothing to do with him and he has no chance….and he sounds like the kind of guy who would absolutely respect what he THINKS are your wishes…..so I think it’s worth -after you calm down and think about it a bit – letting him know where you’re truly at

I’m just concerned that you’re putting yourself through a lot of unnecessary heartbreak over a guy who truly likes and cares about you and would very much enjoy seeing you further and seeing where things go….

To me, it does sound like an ultimatum…..if I were him I would definitely interpret this exchange as, “I want an exclusive relationship, and if that’s not what you want then we need to end things now.” But based on your desire for him to reconnect with you I don’t get the impression that that’s the message you intended to send?

Sorry for being dense here. I’m just trying to figure this one out…..and I really hate to think of you crying and crying when really this doesn’t HAVE to be the end of things at all…

Anna, I do think he likes me and he knows I like him. He was initiating contact, but the last several times I was. Dating others or not and being busy or not, I really liked this guy and wanted something more. Maybe I did jump the gun in initiating the talk, maybe I didn’t. There is no real way to know I guess. I think he is over me because there hasn’t been any contact since then and I think that if he wanted to contact me he would. Maybe he thinks I don’t want anything else from him, but I did state in my email “I hope we can see each other as friends”, because I genuinely love his company. He didn’t respond to my last email so I assume he is done with me. It hurts. The one thing is that we’re still following each other on Instagram for now. Not that, that means anything, but at least there is that connection. I will continue to meet guys and date them and be busy and try to be busy, but I guess only time heal this wound. I just wish he would come back and say something like “I know you want an exclusive relationship and I can’t give that to you right know, but I really like you and I hope that we can continue to see each other and just give me time.” Not that, that will solve the problem, but at least I will know that he is willing to see where things may go. I just feel like I messed up.

Thanks Anna, what you wrote has some merit to it…it makes sense. I am just confused because sometimes I feel like what you had written makes sense and then what LAGirl and Diana wrote makes sense to me too. I am confused and hurt and wishing things worked out differently. I know I deserve to be in a relationship with someone who makes me happy, but I wish that it was with him because when we were together he did make me happy. I know I did was best for me (or so I hope/think), but I guess I just wonder what would have happened had I not said a thing. Would we have continued to date and one day when he was ready he would commit to me or would I have found someone else, I don’t know. I just feel so emotionally all over the place.

I want to back track so badly, but I know he cares for me enough to not allow that. He said he doesn’t want to lead me on and I think the amount of effort he would out in will be less knowing that I really want a relationship. I of course would LOVE for him to come back to me, however who knows if that would ever happen. Maybe I would have moved on and found someone new, but if I haven’t and we hung out and things were good I’d be thrilled. You’re right I’m not uncertain about when he would finally commit, hut now I am uncertain if I made the right choice. I can’t tell which is worse!!! I care about him and I know he cares about me. I just want to hug him and have him tell em everything will be ok between us. You’re gave you a timeframe. I would have been so happy if my guy did. I would then know how long I should stick around for ya know? I offered him a chance to take it slow and one day at a time and keep the dialogue open and he said he couldn’t do that right now. I just want him in my life. He is a very special person. You don’t meet people like him often. I wish I knew what he was thinking right now or how he’s feeling. Is he bummed is he totally fine did this even phase him. I said this before I feel like he’s fine over there living his life dating girls and I am left to pick up the few pieces of my heart that broke.

At first I really wanted something casual, this is so I can still date other people and get a better chance of meeting the right one. But then I started to like this one guy. He was pursuing me, one day (about a month of seeing each other) he told me, he likes me very much but with his business crumbling, a relationship might not be a good idea for him. Since it was just the beginning, I told him ok, we stop seeing each other. But the next day he backtracked and told me he wants to keep seeing me but keep it casual. I liked him, we have a lot in common and he was a friend before he ask me out. So we continued to communicate, and go out. I meant it to be just a friendly thing, but of course i begin to develop feelings to him. I don’t remember how it started but I ended up asking him where we stand. He said he likes where we are now and to not complicate things. I told him I think I might want a relationship beyond being casual with him. Due to his business he was sure we would end up fighting all the time and break up. He didn’t think we had a chance. I continued to ask him if he thinks we will ever be in a committed relationship, he said of course! but really not at the moment. He ended the conversation saying we should just go back where we were(casual) and set this conversation aside. I told him, I really want a relationship. He said I can stop seeing him but he will continue to call and text me if it’s ok. I didn’t reply after that. The next day I was the one who backtracked this time.

fastforward to 2 more months, conversation went to the relationship again, this time he told me if we commit right now, I would end up hating him because he won’t be able to give me what I deserve. His mind is in his business. If we are in a relationship, he will be force to deal with our relationship when he should be concentrating on his business. He might end up loosing me and the business. He said he’d be ready in a few more months. We are only seeing each other for a total of 6 months anyway so I left the conversation at that.

I know I might just be hoping for nothing but I just try and balance how I feel and what I do. But not everyday is a good day, sometimes I feel like i’ve dug myself a hole I cannot get out of haha. But in reality, I can walk away, I am just not ready to do so. I just take it one day at a time, try to enjoy the moment.

I also think the letter sounds like an ultimatum but this is actually a good thing. You was true to yourself and expressed your heart. Now you have to stick to the point – no contact, no reverse back to ” ok I agree to casual, sorry iwas too soon”. I suggest you make him think that you really moved on like exposing pictures with a new guy/ guys on Instagram. You should make impression that yiu are NOT waiting for him. HE myst come to you, convince you to exclusivity, and prove his worth. Itwill never happen when you are missing him, waiting and sad. And please please read all articles on this site and believe every Eric’s word – he is so true!