Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › I am really sad…
- This topic has 61 replies and was last updated 10 years, 3 months ago by
diane.
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s
Diane – he was being honest in telling you what he wants or doesn’t want right?
The crazy thing is I have been talking to this guy who texts and calls and wants to see me (we’ve hung out 2 times) and all I can think about is the other guy…
Diane
Well, I can’t say he is a player, I can’t say he is unharmful either. And here is why: for me, I am either interested in a guy, or I am not interested… For those I am not interested, they will know after 1 or 2 dates.
For this guy, I think he has a middle category which I fell into and that is the “I am somewhat interested… I will sleep with you if you chase me”. I have seen how he treated women he was not interest.. He let them know…with me, he let me chase and enjoyed being chased .. And I was stupid enough to chase.
Good thing is all that has ended.. I will not make the same mistake again… Lol..
For you, I got this sense that you don’t allow yourself to move on… Otherwise, it should not be that difficult…what is so good about this guy?
S
Hmm. With your guy you made the right choice. I feel like I made the wrong one. I don’t allow myself to move on easily, I do eventually move one, but not easily. I am hard on myself and I think that’s part of it. What was so great about this guy? Well, part of it is how I felt around him. He was understanding, caring, genuine. He was fun, sweet, just a good guy. I did see some medication one time and it was for a mood disorder (that he never divulged with me, which I understand). I also read an article about him and it said “not to long ago, he was dealing with a break up”. I think he got hurt bad and was afraid of being hurt again and if he indeed has a mood disorder he may have issues with dealing with them. I haven’t met anyone quite like him. I can’t explain it. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Not that it matters because that’s not going to change my situation. I wish there was something I could do to change his mind and get him back…I know there isn’t anything.
Penny
I know how you feel S, it’s hard to move on if part of you does not want to yet. I usually just ride it out, let myself feel sad. Of course it doesn’t mean I’d allow myself to do something about it (like initiate contact). I think it’s harder for me to fight the feeling, it somehow makes it worse and makes me do stupid things even more than just accepting that I’m sad and not ready to move on.
The unfollowing you on instagram to me sounds like he is also not dealing with your “break up” easy. If he was why would he bother, either he wants to know if you’d notice and he is trying to get your attention or it’s his way of trying to move forward and seeing your post affects him somehow.
Diane
Ladies, stop analyzing is really the first step of moving on….
You really have to stop analyzing…. It is what it is…
S
Diane…if it were so easy for me I would be doing it. I do think it’s human nature to want to know why something happened what other people are thinking (are they thinking about you at all, what are they thinking about, etc.).
Sherri
And that is what is making you not move on. You need to learn how not to analyse if you are really interested in moving on. That is the final step of grieving … ACCEPTANCE.
S
UPDATE: Well, last night I decided that I need to unfollow him on Instagram and I did. I need to move on and I realized that even though they weren’t making me sad, I needed to let go of him so I can heal and move on.
S
So it’s been almost a month and there has been no communication between the guy and I and while i am not so hung up on him I still miss him. I’ve been on dates with other guys and talking to several guys but they just aren’t as fun or there is t that connection or the talking doesn’t lead to a date. I have a date Friday, so keeping my fingers crossed.
What can I do??
Diane
So it had been a month already? It will get easier by the day.
With me, we stopped talking for 2 months now, with only 1 text in the whole time… These days, he still cross my mind almost daily, but usually for 5 seconds, and without any hurting feeling
S
Yeah it’s been almost exactly a month. There hasn’t been 1 text…absolutely nothing from him. I happe it gets easier bc issuing someone isn’t fun.
diane
One thing I noticed is that almost half of the women coming to this site for help because they ran into a guy that is not ready for a relationship….
I am 41 now… the last time I was dating I was 20…. I don’t recall having any guys not ready back then…. Not sure whether it is the 40 vs. 20, or whether time has changed…there are a lot of guys out there who are just not ready…..
This guy that I was trying to see was obviously not ready.. does not want a relationship, brother has never been married, has tons of fellow scientists who are single/divorced which made him wonder whether he needs a relationship at all…. I think there are just more and more people like that out there these days…. They just want to casually date, get laid twice a year, without any obligation of any sort…….
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