Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › I cannot let i go…
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 4 years, 11 months ago by
Jennifer.
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Jennifer
Hey, I have written a thread in the Dating Advice Forum about I guy I met in the summer, a little bit back and forth and fast forward it ended up with him sending me message that said he was not ready for commitment after his last relationship.
I know I know that it this guy was “the one” you can do no wrong.
However I cannot stop blaming my self for screwing this up… I knew he was vulnerable and yet I pushed it which pushed him away. I am so sad about this and it has really hit the last couple of weeks. I know there is nothing I can do to change this now, and that makes me even more sad. I truly think we could have had something incredible but due to my a little behaviour and his indecisiveness things crashed.
I have learned so much from this experience. I just cry myself to sleep because I really really wish it was not with this guy.
So I guess my question is. When a guy has ended things like this and said he is not ready. Is there anything you can do to change that and what are the odds?
I has been 5 weeks since the last message. I dont know how to get over this.Anderson
Nothing you can do.
Nothing you could’ve done.
Should never get involved with someone right after their break up
Unless it’s for unemotional funEmily
Do not blame yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong, but this also means you could not have done anything differently to change his mind. He was not ready, so it had nothing to do with you. Even if you didn’t “scare him off” and you two continue to hang out, you will not be in a better situation because you will get even more invested over time while him using you (not intentionally) as an emotional crutch to get over his breakup. By then, your expectation for a committed relationship will be even higher which will turn into an even worse heartbreak. Do not reach out. Live your life, and he will be in touch when he is ready. Hugs.
Sylvia
Jennifer, I had almost the same experience. He felt you wanted more and was mature enough to let you know not to waste your time. You’d only get more and more attached.
To be completely honest though I feel like yeah, you’re right in a way. Maybe he’d prolong the “relationship” and didn’t end it if you didn’t push and just went with the flow. The outcome would probably be worse in the long run.. Everyone here claims a guy sees you’re falling for him. So maybe if he had space and freedom he’d hang out with you longer, got used to it and fell in love. Does it work that way? I don’t know.K
Your unwillingness to let go of this situation indicates you undervalue yourself and overvalue him.
I saw your other post. You did nothing wrong. He’s not ready for the next woman yet and there’s no telling when he will be.
And you’re going to miss the next door opening for you with the right man if you keep crying over a door that’s closed and very possible never meant to be opened again.
You have to forgive yourself but more importantly You have to learn your worth. If you knew it you wouldn’t be pining after an unavailable man.
Jennifer
K, thanks for your respons. I guess I do need some logic and sanity kicked into my mind. I have learned to hold my cards close to my chest for a while and not jumping head first. This way, the guy has time to find out what he wants and expose his true intention without having me feel like I scared him away…
I went on a day with another guy a few days ago. It went really well and we had such a good time. However I dont feel like I want him… He asked me out again, and since I really liked him company I said yes. I dont know if I should cancel or just use this as a way of talked to a new and interesting person. -
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