I can't find a boyfriend because I have no breasts …

First of all, I am sure you are beautiful and there is a man out there for you. Not all men are interested in breasts. And they tend to lose interest in breasts pretty quickly in the bedroom anyway. I’m wondering if the failures of your relationship have more to do with the fact that you’re putting up a wall and hiding something so the men feel a lack of a deep connection.

Second of all, if you feel so awful about it…can’t you get reconstructive surgery? Your insurance may cover it. Or I would look into seeing if there are any sites or grant money available. I am a fan of loving yourself no matter what you look like, but if it is making you so miserable and insecure I think it would be worth fixing because it would make a world of difference in your happiness and confidence.

Realize also that all of us women have something about our bodies that we do not like and do not think is as good as everyone else’s, as well. There are women who are absolutely perfect to my eyes who will cry about their cellulite or their pot belly or some flaw that isn’t even visible to others.

I’m sure it wasn’t because of your breasts. I had long-term boyfriends and I didn’t even fill an A cup. I’ve wanted a boob job all my life, but my parents and exes always talked me out of it. I have been single for almost two years and finally got one more me two months ago. I really don’t think you are incapable of finding love because of your boobs though. I was flat and very self-conscious to take my top off during sex, but guys still fell in love with me. I think you will find the right one who won’t care about what your breasts look like.

I hope I find someone who accepts me I really do.
Do you think men are turned off if you keep your bra on?

Also, Deon, as far as keeping your bra on: I’ve found that men love it when I wear very pretty, sexy lingerie. If your lingerie is pretty and makes you feel sexy and confident, no one will have a problem with you keeping it on!

Maybe I’m meeting the wrong type of guys..
Apart from that I actually like my body.
I think I’m ok to look at,but when you feel inadequate about yourself it’s hard to feel good.

I’ve gone from being an A cup when I was younger, to now a D cup, and I have to say, I haven’t really noticed a difference in terms of male attention. What I’ve learned through experience is that every guy is unique in terms of his personal taste, and I’ve met some guys who prefer little tiny breasts to larger ones. I’ve had my own share of body securities, especially when I was younger, because I bought the crap that we’re often sold about women’s bodies and what is supposed to be sexy. But just know that there are a lot of women out there with flat chests who are very sexy and desirable (Audrey Hepburn, Kate Hudson, Jane Birkin, etc.). Look at all those sexy French actresses with little gamine breasts who are fawned over. I think you need to build up your confidence and start looking at sexy pictures of women with flat chests and stop shutting yourself down. Also, check out Tumblr. For every physical flaw you think you have, there is a tumblr page out there frequented by guys who find that physical characteristics sexy. There are TONS of tumblr pages for guys who adore small breasts! I’m sorry you had the bad luck of having dated an ass-hat that criticized your body, but that just shows what an ass he is. In the end, men look at your confidence and the entire package. Just OWNING what you have, ‘flaws’ and all, is pretty sexy to a lot of guys who are also dealing with their own insecrities. My advice would be to 1) seek out those images of hot flat chested ladies and get used to the idea that you are sexy as you are, and 2) work on building your overall confidence.

Yeah surgery really doesn’t cost that much in the states…. mine cost $3900.

Ahh I’m sorry for the predictive text issues. I hope that sill makes sense!

How old are you? If this is something that is RUINING your life and affecting how you feel most of the time, then opt for surgery. There are hundreds of actresses and strippers who had it done and they are doing fine. There are “poor” countries with relatively good medicine where you can get it done for much cheaper. You can also get a referral as Hannah suggested, especially because your left breast is so asymmetrical.

I had no boobs AT ALL until after I had my daughter and I totally understand feeling self conscious about your body. It’s easy to say not to worry about it but you are not the only woman dealing with this, for sure. There are guys who would prefer a flat chest to a fake one and aren’t “just saying it”

Hi Deon,

I am sorry you feel like your “life is slipping away.” Your life is a gift and your body and mind are very very complicated entities that deserve a lot of respect by their sheer complexity that we as humans do not even fully understand yet. In the face of all the wonderful things happening in your body every second, who gives a flying f… about the bra size?

May I suggest you shift your perspective on this a little bit, which may help you feel better. Relationships or sex are really not about boobs, nor are they about any single body part (thankfully!). Nor they are about the looks only. Your worries may be rooted in the fact that as women, unfortunately, we are quite often objectified.

None of us are perfect. I believe where we feel we lack something, we have other (more important) faculties to fill that void. Looks is given, but what is earned (by character, by life experience, etc.) are way more precious. You may be a sweet talker, a cuddlesome person or an incredibly smart woman, for example. The list may go on and on, and any single item on this list would make boobs look ridiculous in comparison. “I am a rocket scientist. Why does it matter I have no boobs, you loser? Go get a perspective and get a life.”

I would humbly suggest three things: embrace this fact, confidently defend your body as the way it is and don’t let others bully you. This would in my opinion include taking the bra off (maybe try in stages) if you feel like it. Get over this insecurity (or any other insecurity) slowly and surely and magic will work. (Your ex’s comment about the top is very very rude by the way. He would not have dared saying it if he knew you would be ready to defend your body 100%. Also, in the end you do not want to be with such a rude person, would you?)

I hope these did not sound patronizing, but as a woman and as a feminist, I really got frustrated with all this system of thinking that makes you feel in the way that you do and had to say these. Please don’t say your life is slipping away; your life is way more precious than a couple of biological milk containers.