I can't go through this ever again

Sass, I think she was talking about the previous guys u dated. Especially if this was the most normal.

The positive to see in this is now u know what to date a normal guy feels like. It didn’t work out, so what? Look at all the positive things YOU did n thethe negative things YOU did. Stop thinking of what he did n see how u can change ur negative vibe to a positive one for real. Not to just “behave” cool but to actually BE COOL!!!!!

“I DID ALL THAT and yet without any warning he STILL ENDED IT now please tell me how ive to see the positive in that outcome? ”

Because it sucks to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with you back so he’s doing you a favor in leaving your life. I read somewhere don’t want someone who doesn’t want you. Yes, it hurts – but ultimately how else can you see it? Someone doesn’t want to be with you, ok so what, he figured out that the two of you weren’t right for eachother before you did.

:( OMG Sass, I’m feeling like SUCH a B*TCH right now… I hope you know all my advice was just me trying to be helpful and maybe help you self-asses. I’m SO sorry to hear about what you’re going through. I think heartache is the most intense, god-awful experience in life whether it be losing a loved one, relationship ending… Just the closest you can feel to death with a beating heart. But moments like this are not only a test of your strength, but an opportunity to build your inner strength. So another realtionship didn’t work, completely understandable to feel upset, angry, insecure, fed-up, even hopeless. Cry all night, cry all week if that helps you feel and release the emotions. Listen to sad music, watch rom coms and throw your phone *don’t break it* at the TV screaming at the universe for EF-ing you, hate him, miss him, love him, curse him, curse yourself, but after all that KNOW there’s NOTHING wrong with you, you just haven’t met the right person. Maybe he’s out there, maybe he’s not, but you’re OKAY either way. You have a full life, your friends, family, the stars, the sun. When you can muster the strength and you’re SO OVER feeeeeeeeeling, go on a search for LOVE that exists EVERYWHERE. Look at parents with their children, couples, pets with their owners, it’s literally EVERYWHERE! Absorb that and KNOW that’s NOT what this guy would’ve been for you… and that’s what you DESERVE. All these painful experiences will be well worth the wait even though it doesn’t feel like that at the present moment. You don’t need half-ass love from some shitty guy. Someone’s going to meet you oneday and never ever EVER even want to comprehend what it would be like to lose you and he’ll never let you go. These fools that come and go, get what you can out of them, experience, self-knowledge, knowledge about what you DO in fact want, even social IQ *bc some people are really shitty and can make you believe things that aren’t reality for their own benefit* I’m SO SO sorry you’re going through this right now. THIS is something that everybody here has experienced… I’ll pray for you :) And I’m so sorry if I said anything that made you feel worse, that honestly wasn’t my intent!!

Hey Sass,

Sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. I do understand how it feels to be alone and just really wanting to share all the love you have in your heart with someone. To not be alone in a huge bed at night every night for YEARS…I get it. Been there, done that for nearly 20 years! Have NUMEROUS T-shirts…LOL…

But, I found that when I was hurting the most, Al Anon readings/sayings came to mind and those were the ones that helped me the most. Things like “Let go and Let God”, “Keep it simple, silly” (KISS), and the one thing that Al Anon had taught me the best–READ, LEARN, EDUCATE YOURSELF about living in the present and unconditional love. The 12 steps of AA/Al Anon really DO work!

You don’t even have to go to an AA or Al Anon meeting. You don’t even have to have a problem with alcohol or someone else’s addiction to alcohol or drugs…you just have to want to learn how to be HAPPY and be one of those sick people who are always smiling no matter what happens and always seem to be so “together” that it’s pretty sickening…but, damn, I so wanted to be like those people I saw all lovey dovey and HAPPY even after 50 years of being married to each other!

What I did was to change my way of thinking…I started to think more positively…started being GRATEFUL for TODAY, for waking up every morning, having a good day, having a roof over my head…things like that.

Then I started reading a lot of articles on spirituality, men and relationships, anything and everything that had to do with love and happiness.

I had a grand spiritual awakening last month–the one that the AA 12th Step talks about…and that is why I am posting on relationship boards more and more now, to share ways that women can find true love and real happiness in this lifetime.

The AA/Al Anon 12 Steps: Substitute “alcohol” for “men” or “other people” and do your best to follow the steps..they DO work. I am living proof of it.

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become
unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to
sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we
understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature
of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make
amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do
so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly
admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with
God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us
and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to
carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our
affairs.
Copyright ? 1952, 1953, 1981 by Alcoholics Anonymous Publishing
(now known as Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.)
All rights reserved.

And lastly, HUGS AND KUDOS for having the COURAGE to start this thread. That took TREMENDOUS GUTS AND COURAGE!!! I’m really proud of you Sass! You’ve taken the first step towards real and true happiness! :)

and don’t forget…”Don’t look back cuz you’re not going that way!” ;)

That or a one night stand… KIDDING!! Lol. BUT if you have an on-call FWB, hit him up! I definitely do & he works like a charm ;)

And when you get really really mad at him, listen to Heart’s “If looks could kill”…

When you do feel better and feel like dating again, listen to .38 Special’s “Hold On Loosely”, Stevie Nicks’ “Love’s A Hard Game To Play”, Scandal’s “The Warrior”…and any songs that “empower” women…Katy Perry is good for those too…

Always hold your head up high and believe in the power of love. Don’t give in to the negative emotions of hate, fear, and despair…

Thanks for all the advice – Stef I am going to look those songs up and practice before hitting the karaoke!!!

So he has text me. He regrets phoning me last night and wants to meet me to talk.

I haven’t replied.

I’ll meet him and hear him out although I’m not free until Sunday, is he capable of holding that thought until then or is he going to do another 180?

Also not sure what or how to reply to him because I’m actually thinking how dare he??? I’ve been in absolute bits all day.

He has no choice but to wait because you’ve got things to do until then.
I would be feeling the same way, you go through this agony and then BAM they text you wanting to talk things over.
It’s exhausting to say the least.
Sass, the ball is in your court, play this how you choose to but keep your heart protected.
However, don’t come in expecting him to be on bending knee either. He could be wanting to meet to explain himself further and not necessarily wanting to continue further.
Honestly, that convo can go either way.
The good thing is you have some time to think things through.

Hi Sass.

Let him MISS you for a bit longer. Don’t reply too quickly and give yourself a few days to calm the nerves and go NC in between the day/time you set. Look great, hear him out and above-all don’t try to convince him (the hardest part) because IF he regrets it then the decision to ‘try again’ must come totally from him for his own reasons because he WANTS TO of his own free will or it won’t work.

Maybe he had a freak out? If so be calm and collected because that will get you further than a dramatic episode or ending if not. Good luck.

I think its interesting that you post is more about your dread of having to go in the dating pool, rather than being really sick and sad over losing this particular guy?

is there something in that?

I typed a reply last night but it wouldn’t post… This is all good advice!! Good dancer you’re funny, I like your style.

I didn’t text him back last night and for some reason I don’t feel compelled to yhis morning either. He’s rocked the boat and maybe I want to get off now too?

I will meet him though as I might as well hear what he has to say as I might learn something from it. I’ve decided not to interrupt my plans this weekend so Sunday is the earliest I could meet him.

Now im not sure whether to say: “I don’t know how I feel now. I can meet you somewhere on sunday if you want to talk.”

Or just miss out the part about feeling and literally arrange where/when to meet?

Suggestions?