I can't go through this ever again

Good tip dancer… I’ll look that article up today

Very sorry you’ve had this experience. Like several of the women on here already said, I felt like I was reading my own thoughts. I have been single for six years as well, soon to be 33 years old. I am very stressed about being alone forever. I’m trying to make the best of it if that’s the hand I’ve been dealt. I certainly hope there will be someone for me…hopefully sooner rather than later.

I wish I had some magical advice that would make everything better for you, but I don’t. Keep your head up and make your life happy — only you have the power to do that. xoxo

I <3 you Sass. You got this!

I mean seriously the number of times people in the street literally walk into me because all of a sudden I’m invisible… If I had a dollar for each time I’d be fuckin’ rich.

Hi sas,
I’m also sorry if i offended you in the Polly post. As far as i can tell, he hit the 3 month mark and was deciding to go for it or not. And he is maybe still on the fence about it. I would do (or try to) what one of the regulars posted: treat him as the applicant if you are tempted to talk to him.

Well meeting him on Sunday he’ll probably have changed his mind again by then.

Sass,

Reading your story brings to mind a recent short-term dating experience I had.

We hit if off wonderfully from date 1. He texted me “Good Morning” every day, without fail. He texted me throughout the days, made plans to see me twice a week, brought me to meet some of his friends.

But, even with all that, I just felt something was off. I felt nothing was moving forward; rather, it was stagnating. I knew it was very early on, but I couldn’t shake that nagging feeling, so I ended it.

Of course then, I started having second thoughts — did I blow it?

I texted him and basically asked if he had been playing me, or did I blow it. Of course, his initial response was, no, he was not playing me.

Over the course of the next few months, we continued texting every now and then. He always indicated he wanted to see me again, but never firmed up any plans.

Eventually, he admitted he was only into casual relationships at this point in his life, because he’s not sure if he’s moving back to his home state.

I felt so good that I had been right, and not just overly paranoid and needy.

I notice you said you deliberated over whether to invite him to your brother’s birthday and everyone said to do it. Red flag right there. What was to deliberate? Something was nagging at you, something was off, and you sensed it. You asked your friends what to do because you weren’t connected enough with him.

Consider this a bullet dodged sooner rather than later. It’s only been a few months, imagine if he wasted a year or two of your life?

You will be over this. It is better to keep people in your life that are good for you; perhaps this guy was a bomb whose timer had been set from day one, just like mine was.

BTW, at the end of day, with the guy I was talking about, I feel so proud of myself and happy I saw that bullet coming and got out of the way.

IMO, you better don’t do silent treatment. Tell him if you re free on sunday for a meeting and listen what he has to said carefully.

Dress beautiful and sexy, confident and don’t get emotive/upset/sad feeling you are the most amazing woman in this world and nothing can break you down.

If he said he changed his mind, ask him why. Don’t be afraid and go deeper to know his real motives. Act like if the past is forgotten and focus on the ‘right now’ : what he gonna do to show you that things are different now. Keep calm and see how it goes between you.

If he didn’t change his mind, don’t get emotive/upset/sad. Show him you are the most amazing woman in this world. Nothing can break you down and you’re gonna be okay.

And as others said, BE POSITIVE AND WISH you YOURSELF HAPPINESS AND LOVE. Every morning, decide to give yourself love.

Good luck !

Sass – I was dating this guy last year and he broke up with me over text around the 3 month mark. I was actually really busy around that time and so did not really have time to think and analyse much about him. What I did do though is look objectively at him and me and if we really were compatible with each other. I realised that while I was ok dating him then, I did not really see him as a till death do us part kind of guy. He was not my Mr. Right rather my Mr. Right Now. Once I realised how different we were and how this wouldn’t have even worked in the long run (he was a great guy just not for me), I kind of got over him really fast.

After 3 weeks he contacted me telling me that he made a HUGE MISTAKE and if we could try again. I told him all the reasons why we were not compatible with each other and that there was no point in trying to “make it work”. He was definitely disappointed.

But the main thing here is I did not blame him for dumping me. I looked at everything objectively. I did not not want to try again as a revenge or due to fear. I did not want to try again as I did not really see us compatible. If I thought we were compatible, I would have definitely dated him again. I thanked him actually for the 3 weeks space that he gave me as it helped me get rid of all the oxy in my system and look at our “relationship” objectively.

I will never regret dating this guy as he was a guy I needed then. If I had to do it all over again, I think I would still date him for those 3 months. He opened my mind and heart to new perspectives which I had never looked at. He was not a “jerk” for dumping me but rather I truly wish him the best in his life.

And for the ladies over 35. It’s never not too late to let go of resentment and expectations. When we work on that, let all of the crap go and then walk down the street, it will be in your face, it will glow and anyone would be crazy to not ask you out.

It happened to me yesterday, I had finally in essence forgiven myself and others, men, parents, what have you, and I let it all go, and I wasn’t even thinking about it, and literally a decent looking man walked up to me and started talking. Well this never happened when I was a 20 year old…no matter how long and beautiful my hair was and how youthful I looked. So I finally got it. It’s all a practice, and then one day it will become a habit, and you won’t have to think of it.

Addendum:

The men that we are talking about the ones, who want to provide for a family and have children and be husbands, not every man wants that. We need to understand that and we need to ask them questions very early on. If we can sleep with them, we can ask them questions. That’s the new rule.

I have to defend Sass regarding KimF’s (and some previous people’s) comments about Sass’ behaviour being co-dependent – e.g Sass’ comment about him probably having changed his mind by Sunday.

I can tell you that this is not co-dependent behaviour – this is merely modest / self-deprecating/ self-effacing words she has used which is typical of the culture she lives in. It doesn’t mean she has issues or needs to see a counsellor! She’s actually making light of the fact that her guy has done her wrong! Culture barriers definitely exist on this site causing misunderstanding.

That is all :)