I did something childish and stupid

I’ve been on Lexapro for a long time but I thought I was doing well with therapeutic techniques and so tried to go off. I’ve been managing well for a few months now but I’ve had some family things and work things all happen at once. I know I need to go back on the meds but it’s almost like admiring defeat. I was really hoping I could do this myself.

I work out with a trainer twice per week and that helps (endorphins and all) but I’ve never tried yoga or meditating. It’s such a vicious cycle because when I get like this everything overwhelms me – even putting things on the “to do list” that I know are for the best/promote my mental well-being.

Thanks, Raven. I appreciate your kind words.

Firstly, be kind to yourself :-) This wasn’t childish or stupid. Anxiety can be an uncontrollable beast.

I once was in a rship with a woman who had severe anxiety and what helped our courting phase was taking things very slow with lots of breathing space.

You mention you have issues with dating but have you been able to trace the source of your anxiety? eg. Is it being vulnerable? Or the intimacy being overstimulating? Intrusive thoughts? etc

You have anxious attachment. Please read up and go to a therapist who can help you!

Hi Lori

I can relate. I’ve suffered from severe anxiety in the past. A few things helped me. First professional therapy was a Godsend. It’s often hard to diagnose and treat ourselves because we’re in the problem and can’t see objectively.

So I would highly recommend finding a skilled professional you can trust.

I also found meditation and physical exercise a big game changer.

And I also use something called Paraliminals by Learning Strategies, which are just phenomenal and brilliant and life changing.

A number of things can cause anxiety, and a great therapist is worth their weight in gold.

Dating can definitely be a scary thing to do can’t it? I’ve been there, until you really like someone, it’s fine, but the minute you start to feel something serious, the idea of potentially putting your heart on the line and having them reject you, can totally freak you out. I’ve behaved in exactly the same way before! It would even be funny, except it’s totally not when it’s happening to you!

Here’s what I would say, sometimes the anxiety is an overreaction on the part of our subconscious worried that we are not safe. And sometimes it’s a legit message that there is something we need to change in our lives.

Take it as a prompt.

Personally, I’d get a handle on the anxiety issue first and get myself to a more peaceful and centred and confident place consistently before I started bringing a second person into the mix.

It’s going to be hard to evaluate another person for fit, when pre-existing anxiety is muddying the waters. (And leading to a vicious loop.)

Find the peace within that is your birthright first. There is a way to get a handle on this, I promise. I used to have chronic chest pains almost consistently for ages – that’s how bad it used to be, and I found a way through, so you can too.

If it’s not that much of an issue, and you think it’s just the dating that is scaring you, then I highly recommend reading some of Eric’s posts and his and Sabrina’s books.

I can’t find the exact posts now, but Eric wrote these brilliant pieces on how the reason we freak out is because we start interacting with the idea we have in our head of a love story with the guy, instead of just being present with him in the moment.

I think there are a few keys to this.

One is that when you have this great self-belief in yourself and peace in your own heart, you’ll be able to treat others well and you will be able to accept and enjoy the love they give back to you.

And the other part is just about being present in the moment and being connected moment to moment.

And also understanding how men and women are wired differently.

You know what, You can do this! You can find peace in yourself and you can set out to discover who the guy you’re dating is at his core. What’s his character? What does he like, dislike, care about, fear, want to achieve, be and do in the world.

It may be that once you discover all these things, YOU decide HE’s not a good fit for YOU! But you’ll never find that out unless you allow yourself to be inquisitive about him and evaluate him (without judging of course!).

Let yourself experiment with what works for you and what doesn’t. And keep reflecting and evaluating so you notice patterns and you make consistently wiser and more effective decisions over time.

Sending you love and best wishes. Be well and believe in yourself xxx 😘❤️❤️❤️