I do t un

When a guy switches totally after a few months to be so negative, when at the start he was so sweet, he’s showing you who he really is after the honeymoon period wears off. You didn’t do anything wrong, he sounds like he has issues and tries to get women to fix them for him and distract him so he can have a good time without putting in much effort. But you also don’t need to try so hard and do so much to get a guy. A good guy will like you for you, will respect your needs, and will not make you too scared to say what you want. Never arguing isn’t good at all when it’s because you know if you bring up a problem the other person will get nasty and not try to solve it with you (I know this because I’ve also dated guys like that, back when I thought never fighting was good instead of a major communication problem!!).

I’m sorry you’re hurting, but you only lost a guy who deserves to get lost!

It makes me sad when people say it was friends with benefits. I’ve had a fwb in the past and this felt so much more than that. He was the one that one day started introducing me to his friends as his other half. He started calling me his girlfriend, he never asked though.

Is it that he just wasn’t in the position to be in a relationship? Must he have liked me somewhat like he used to call me beautiful? Even his mates said he talked about me all the time, looking at pics of me and smiling.

It hurts and even more confusing why he never spoke to me again? Is that his guilt? We even bumped into each other completely by chance when we booked the same vacation destination. He came up to me with tears in his eyes, telling me the breakup was nothing bad and I was so lovely. I did tell him the whole thing has hurt me and I wanted to stay in touch, but he never got back in touch. It was even my birthday that day and he didn’t realise, shows how much I meant to him lol. It’s crazy the coincidence

Oh its all so confusing. When we first started talking, he spoke about how hes always in relationships. His exes were mentioned a lot but he asked me how long my last relationship was and when, of which I replied ‘I find this embarrasing, but unfortunately ive never been in a serious relationship, which hasnt been my choice. My relationships have only been casual.’ he told me it wasnt embarrasing

We got to know each other more and more. Convos were deep and he talked about the future, saying things like ‘i hope we end up living closer together soon/’. when my tenancy was up, I was seeking a new househare to live in and ended up moving to his town as he suggested. it was all exciting and so so promising as he was so consistent with communication, with the exception of him never planning dates.

So I feel so foolish now, i genuinely believed he liked me. And i dont understand why he didnt see something serious with me like he initially suggested. he mentioned his exes non stop all the time, there wasnt a day go by when he didnt talk to them and he said he was still friends with them all as they know hes harmless. Telling me stories about how they come to him for advice all the time and things hes done for them since. I thought this was a green flag. He always reassured me he was a nice guy too, he said he wasnt perfect but he was understanding after I told him how I often felt pressured for intimacy from men. He never initiated intimacy, he said he was a man with a lower libido and preferred cuddles, but they I dont know if he was saying that to make me feel comfortable and hiding his intentions. Looking back, I worry if he was attracted to me at all

I even invited him to spend christmas with me and my family which i am ashamed off. I got him thoughtful gifts, didnt spend too much but every gift had meaning.

This behavior means nothing except he’s no good for you. Don’t get hung up on was he a FWB, I thought I was a girlfriend, did he even care… This all doesn’t indicate that he cared about you or not, I’m sure he liked you, but from what you said, HE definitely has limited capacity to be in a healthy emotional situation. And that’s why you weren’t, not because he didn’t like you enough.

It may be a green flag that someone hasn’t had dramatic or hostile breakups and is cool with exes, but it’s a red flag if they talk about those exes constantly. It means they don’t have healthy boundaries and can’t let go of things properly, either because they need validation or they can’t process healthy disconnection or they like the attention and to make the next woman feel insecure and less than, whatever. There’s a line where people are healthy, have good boundaries, are good relationship partners, and where they’re not.

All that he’s done doesn’t matter at this point. What matters is you: you feel shame, you take blame, you accept poor treatment and think it’s your fault and he’s one of the good ones when he’s not, you feel fear of men treating you poorly because you don’t trust yourself to handle it if they do which leads to you putting up walls that are actually counter-productive and will attract the wrong men, but you aren’t at a point yet where uppity recognize a healthy partner because you’ve never had one. I’m sure there are deep reasons for all this to happen from your past which AREN’T your fault, but the answers to moving beyond it and getting what you want don’t lie with analyzing him or dwelling on him. They lie with finding professional help to learn tools to figure this out for yourself, forgive yourself, figure out where the shame and fear really comes from within yourself, and then learn what a healthy situation really looks like since it’s different than what you currently believe. Then from there, you can begin to heal and make the changes you seek. Doing that on your own is very difficult, and you don’t need to do it on your own if you have options for talking to a professional.

Does it mean there’s something wrong with me personality wise that men don’t see a future? I’m always explicitly saying in looking for a relationship. And my ex said he did too :( it makes me think in doing something wrong, especially now I just don’t get likes on dating apps. I’m 28 now but met him when I was 26 and at that time I got loads of likes. It’s scaring me a bit