Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I don’t ever feel instant attraction to men on dating apps
- This topic has 3 replies and was last updated 1 year, 6 months ago by
mama.
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Laura
Worried I will never feel attraction again
When I first met my ex, I was attracted to him, Not on the first date but by the second date, I couldn’t keep my hands off him. The chemistry was intense and I’d never experienced that before. Even over text before we met,I loved chatting to him, he was witty and there was a textual chemistry
I was turned on around him all the time. I felt very close to him and enjoyed intimacy for the first time.
But after a few months, he pulled away emotionally. And I actually lost all feelings. I thought I was broken as I no longer had any libido toward him, so I went to the doctors
He dumped me and after the breakup, my sex drive came roaring back. I fantasised about everything we did together and wanted him back. I found him sexy again in no contact
A year on, I’ve not felt attracted to anyone else and I’m not attracted to him anymore. And this is scaring me. It was confused me why I lost attraction to him despite such strong feelings in beginning
Some months I have a high sex drive and can’t stop fantasising about sex specifically my ex because he’s the only person I’ve ever slept with. But this month, I feel nothing sexually. I don’t know if I’m broken but I’m so scared I will never feel it again
I’m in the dating apps at the moment and no conversation over text with a stranger excites me but with my ex I loved chatting even before we met. Is so thing wrong ?
Kelly
No, I think you’re just not over your ex yet. Also, women are not as visual as men and often we need to get to know someone before we feel attracted to them. I would say go on dates just to go on dates and get yourself out there. You don’t have to commit to anyone or even go on a second date, just get your feet wet. If you are anything like me, you can remain stuck on a certain person, and you need to force yourself out of that mindset and meeting new people helps. Eventually you will find someone you are just as excited about, but you won’t if you don’t put yourself out there and keep looking. You’ll just keep having fantasies about your ex.
mama
You may not be over your ex, and you might be a little depressed? Sometimes healing our heartbreak involves working through grief of the end of the relationship as well as a little bit of depression, which can suck the joy out of a lot of things, including attraction.
Give yourself a break and maybe some time off the dating apps until you can work through your strife. You’ll find your spark again.
You also note that this is your first sexual relationship, and possibly your first relationship, and it lasted a few/handful of months? The fact that he was your first might have something to do with it too.
mama
What I mean by that is that if this was your first sexual relationship (and/or first relationship), you have nothing to compare it to. You meet other men expecting the same thing to happen. It won’t necessarily happen like that.
I have learned fire [attraction] that burns quickly and intensely cannot sustain itself.
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