Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I don’t get it
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 4 years, 4 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
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Mindy
After two really great dates he told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship right now (after telling me during date two that he liked me/asking if I liked him but I digress.) I thanked him for his honesty and told him that I am looking for something serious. That I wasn’t looking to jump into anything but that I didn’t want to keep going knowing that there was no potential for it to ever turn into anything. That was that. He kept sending me his Snapchat stories so I eventually unfriended him. He kept warning my IG stories and I didn’t say anything. Now he’s texting me. What gives with this guy? Do I continue to ignore? Why is he trying to keep contact when we are on totally different pages?
Mindy
*watching my Instagram stories – not warning, sorry
b
hi mindy,
first of all – you handled that situation perfectly. you stood your ground and set boundaries. it’s all too often that women (myself included) say they’re okay with casual, hoping that the guy will eventually want to settle down. it doesn’t happen often.
so this guy is watching your stories. I would develop the mindset of “so what?”
social media is no indictor of interest. he told you he’s not looking for a relationship – please believe him.
I would move forward. find a guy who IS looking for a relationship. once you do, it’s so easy and there’s no confusion on whether he likes you or not.
I’d also prob remove this guy from your socials. he offers no value to your life (you barely know him at 2 dates) and it’ll help you get your mind off of him.
take care!
Mindy
Hi b. Thanks for much for your advice. He was cool but like you said – it was only two dates so it really was no skin off my back. The only reason I hadn’t blocked him on social was bc I felt like – with it only being two dates and things “ending” (barely starting, really) amicably I thought it would be super extra to go off blocking him left and right. I did it on Snapchat bc outside of texting that was our main source of contact (and I didn’t even do that initially until he kept sending me his stories.) I’m mainly just curious as to what prompts someone to keep reaching out when you know you want totally different things. I’m honest with my dates and with myself. I value my time so I’m not going to waste it on someone/thing not in line with what I want. I guess that’s why I was really just curious as to why his approach wasn’t the same/why he won’t just go away haha
Liz Lemon
This is why you don’t add guys on social media until you’ve been dating for awhile. I myself don’t do it until an established relationship happens.
What is he texting you? You said he started texting. I agree that him viewing social media is insignificant (he could just be bored or nosy). But texting you could mean something depending on what he’s saying.
T from NY
Not everyone sees the world as we do, or conducts themselves with self reflection or self respect. Do not mistake continued gestures of communication as actual interest or willingness to invest in something real. Some men will just see your loss of interest as a challenge, add to the fact that many women don’t stick to their principles – say one thing, do another – so he will keep attempting to engage you. Some will have a lack of character because they enjoy your company and kisses and therefore persist in keeping you in their back pocket on the off chance you’ll circle back around as interested and sex might happen. Healthy mature men don’t waste your time. You did everything right. Keep up the good work.
T from NY
Also what Liz Lemon said. I know it’s generational, but social media causes a lot of headaches and I wish younger people would be more selective about who they add.
Mindy
Thank you again, all. I never ask for anyone’s social media that early for the same reason but he found me and added me on both Snapchat and IG. I don’t really count social media as meaningful interaction so it was not really a big deal to me when he added me and we started communicating on those forums too. And I didn’t give any weight to him watching my IG stories either but when he texted me yesterday I thought to myself “it’s ok to ignore this, right?” The text was nothing – super innocuous – it was actually about my IG story. I didn’t respond and I don’t plan to either haha
Liz Lemon
In that case, I agree you should just ignore. He’s not texting anything meaningful. Sounds like he just wants attention. I totally agree with what T from NY said about not mistaking superficial gestures as a willingness to invest in something real. One of my closest female friends falls for this all the time– she engages with guys like this and thinks their occasional vapid texts mean something. Then she gets frustrated when things go nowhere with the guy. I always try to tell her but she doesn’t listen to me :-) If a guy is not putting effort into taking you out and getting to know you, he’s wasting your time. It’s shocking the number of guys who will play around like this for attention. Anyway, good for you for knowing better!
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