I don't know how he feels about me

Thanks Olivia:) I guess I was freaking out because I thought we were on the same page. I’ll try to hold back and give him his space and let him decide how he feels.

Everything might be just fine with your relationship & he honestly needs more time. But,One thing I would suggest to just look up & read about is “Emotionally Unavailable Men”. Read up what you can find & see if any other characteristics seem like how he acts otherwise…. just to be Cautious of not getting involved with one of these kinds of guys (because it can end up being Emotional Hell). That’s what happen to me – & if I know what I know now I would have seen some of the slightly red flags that did exist. I dated a guy for 5 years & in the end, he told me I was only a friend to him & he was never in love with me!!! I’m glad he told me b/c I learned & it helped me to understand what exactly happened to me over a 5 year period. It tore me to pieces!!!
Just look for (example) if he is Not very Affectionate person, self centered (where everything & the relationship evolves around him)….kinda narcissistic.

I have a boyfiend and we have different nationality. we’ve been together for almost 3 yrs. Different culture, religion but still we manage to keep our relationship on the first 2 yrs. I was that time a very manipulative girlfriend, his family know me but I haven’t introduce him to my parents because of fear of rejection about what they have to say on the issues i mentioned. He had much effort to show me his love before. So we both had our vacation on our own countries. we fight a lot due to time and he was telling why i can’t understand that we are on vacation and not supposed to be fighting. so we had a huge fight and he told me he is not a ball in his hand and we stop talking. After vacation he changed totally in a different person, he started to ignore me, everything was opposite it was me now who takes effort of winning him back. he was fed up with me.. so i accepted that and try to change the best i can, now he dont say iloveyou, he said when he is ready he would say that. The diffirence in our relationship is we fight a lot yet we come back always. but recently something happened that made me think a lot. i saw him talking with other girls. he was sweet and express his feelings fully which i was been trying to get from him. I confronted him and told it was nothing. i didnot fight with him but i had a talk to where i was wrong for him to cheat. I don’t know if i had to stay or what. we’ve been through a lot. but i am a positive woman and my heart is soft. u might think i am naive but i had a hopeful heart that it was not him and like its my turn now to understand why we reach at this point. pls give me advice

The main thing is whether someone makes you happy and not whether they say the three words. Words mean nothing without actions behind them and actions speak louder than words. I too have been with several men who would tell me those three words all the time yet their actions mismatched those words and I was miserable with them. People can even love in a twisted way. Even if that is not the case, it is more important how he treats you rather than what he says to you.

Listen to what you wrote, “I think if he had said I also make him happy it would’ve eased the pain a little bit.”

You were expecting a different response, and that’s why you are shocked by his response. Just because you were in the moment feeling loving, you can’t expect the other person to feel the same jolt of love the same exact nano-second as you. I’m sure he does feel for you and cares for you and is or close to loving you (in his own way) find ways he shows love to you. Like Greenie said, guys can say those 3 words all the time and not mean it. Your guy just lacks the verbage. Honestly I’d rather have the actions all the time and him showing me in his own way and appreciating what he does to show he loves me. Don’t get insecure or upset because he shows his love differently than you. He’ll say those 3 words when he’s ready. In the meantime, appreciate all he does. Even his responses to your loving genuine texts, no matter what they are. Don’t have unrealistic expectations from him with anything.

In 2010 I met this guy who happened to be my next door neighbour, ( for privacy issues I will call him Ralph), and we started dating. About 3 months into the relationship I found out he was Bipolar, which explained my confusion between his being adventurous and mania. Needless to say I was on an emotional roller coaster and 6 months into being with him we went our separate ways. I consumed myself with online college, and despite living across the street from him I managed to live as if he did not exist for at least a half year before engaging in conversation with him. He approached me and we started talking again, and he helped me get through one of my college courses that I was struggling with (math), as he was an extremely intelligent person with a high IQ. It became apparent to me that I could just be friends with him which made being around him easier, and we have been friends for going on 9 years. Now here’s where it gets complicated! I was at a crossroads in my life about 5 years ago where I had to move from where I was living and did not know where I was going. He kindly introduced me to a friend of his that had this beautiful house situated on the river who was looking for a grounds keeper of his 50 acre land. I jumped at the opportunity to go help and was offered the opportunity to live there. He was a retired firemen, and was rather handsome looking and I was attracted to him. Within 6 months we became intimate, but much to my surprise I started noticing that he was drinking a lot and it had such a negative effect on me, that I decided that I would live there but not be intimate with him. Every time it got to be too much to be around him I would go and visit with my ex boyfriend (Ralph) just to get away. Three weeks ago I was offered to go on a trip out of my country (Canada) for a few months with Ralph and his mother (whom I am very close to) to Florida where it is warm and I gladly accepted. Ralph and I were intimate and he told me that he missed me. When I arrived in Florida I was asked where I would like to sleep. It was only a two bedroom, but they had a pull out couch that I could sleep on. Ralph said you can sleep with me, which I hesitantly accepted. Meanwhile I was getting emails twice a day every day from the firemen telling me how much he missed me and how he realizes that he needed to quit drinking. I asked Ralph what was this between him and I, and he said, “I don’t know all I do know is that I really like you so let’s just see where it goes.” I asked him if he was attracted to me ( I am 51 he is 45), and he said ” yes inside and out.” I have felt confused and lost since because I may have to move out of the place I was living once I return to Canada, and I cannot really afford a place of my own. I am in love with Ralph but quite honestly I have no idea how he truly feels about me because we have never discussed our true feelings. Most of the time I feel that he isn’t really attracted to me and that the only reason we are intimate is just merely gratification for him and convenience. I do know that the firemen does truly love me, and it breaks my heart because I love him but not in the same way. So I am in love with someone that I do not know how he honestly feels and in two months time upon arrival to Canada I have to face possibly being out on the street. I have been offered numerous times over the past year to go live with Ralph and his mother because of the situation I was living in but as much as I wanted to I just could not bring myself to because Ralph and I were such good friends that I did not want to jeopardize that or complicate things. Who would have known I would be where I am now and feeling so lost.

Caleigh and Belyn – please create your own posts so you’ll get the advice you’re seeking.

Lilly,

Based on my firsthand experience, I do think you have nothing to worry about. My late husband did not say ILY until we were 1 1/2 plus as bf/gf. I was the one who approach the subject and just bluntly asked him, “do you love me?” and his response was, “of course!!!” like I should have known all along. I said, I didn’t know because he never told me. He’s a man of actions and very little words. He never asked me to be his gf either we just kept going out and then I was introduced as a girlfriend was when I officially think I was his girlfriend. He didn’t say, ILY a lot but he showed me all the time. It was his personality. He was not a man of words but actions. And I never pressured him to say just because I say it. His actions were more than enough to make feel secure about his love for me.

So, let him be. let him say those words to you in his own good time. As long as he is good to you and give you no reason to doubt his feelings for you, let it be.