Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › I don't know where I stand
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 10 years, 4 months ago by
Anna.
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Stella
Iv been seeing this guy for about 6 months. We don’t do much together outside the house but this never bothered me too much as we live so close it was convenient. I think he may be sleeping with other people although he said not, but I asked too soon, I know this and never brought it up again. His boys are players. I don’t feel like he just sees me for sex, I really dont. He does work hard but when I don’t see him I feel like he is just not that interested. What do I do? Should I ask and how? I don’t want to ask for a relationship, I just want to know where I stand without scaring him off. I am not seeing other people and I don’t want to either. And although i haven’t told him I’m pretty sure he knows how I feel.
Amber
Guys are kind of slow in the feeling department. He could very well not have a clue how you feel. Sit him down and just casually ask him where he sees this heading. Tell him theres no pressure, you would just like to know.
Annie
I think that although it may be scary to ask him what’s going on/where he sees things heading with you and him, its completely necessary that you have this convo. 6 months is long enough for a guy to decide if he wants to be with you or not. Even though you dont want to scare him away, I think it would be better to know now that its not going to go any where with him as opposed to staying with him for even longer and still not getting what you want. You should be honest with youself about your needs. It seems like you def want to be in a relationship with him so you need to voice yourself. If he agrees than thats great! if he disagrees, then at least you found out now so you can move on to someone who does want what you want.
Ann
I don’t think it is a good idea to have that conversation. He will feel pressured and he will just spaz out. Men really, really don’t like to feel like they are being chased.
What I would do is widen your world. How it was told to me was “be the kind of person that you would like to date.” Explore your interests, don’t make yourself available to him so much for these “house dates”. Enrich your life, and if he decides to man up, YOU can decide if he is worthy.
Somehow you have given him too much power. By asking him the questions you have been thinking about, you will give him ALL of the power.
Anna
I agree with Ann. DON’T have the talk. The BEST way to sort out the situation is by your ACTIONS, not by your words.
Focus on you. Focus on expanding and enriching your life.
PULL BACK from him. Take your focus off him. This is the ONLY way he can figure out what his feelings actually are for you and come to some sort of decision. NOT by you sitting him down and making him talk….by YOU pulling back and giving him the space to FEEL his feelings and WANT to claim you for real.
You HAVE to be open to other people if this relationship IN THE PRESENT is not explicitly committed and exclusive….not only is it the ONLY way to be happy, it is the ONLY way he is going to ever have the motivation and inspiration to WANT to be with you….you have to be just a little bit out of his reach, not just available for him whenever he feels like it (ie committing to him before he’s committed to you.) this has to be HIS decision….meanwhile, if what you want IS a real relationship, the only possible way to express this is just by saying that you’re dating other people because while what you have is great and fun you ultimately do want something “real” (whatever that means to you….you can describe it in more detail….but DON’T make it about him….if you talk about it, talk about it as if you hadn’t even CONSIDERED the possibility that HE would be the one to step up and fill your dream guy position….THIS gives him the space to DECIDE if he wants to be that guy COMPLETELY ON HIS OWN…. which is the ONLY way he can ever do so in a genuine way)….also it makes you honest with yourself about WHAT this relationship is in the PRESENT …. NOT what it COULD BE….and get real about whether you are putting your life on hold in the hopes that this guy will someday come around. DO NOT put your life on hold … this is NOT what inspires a guy to want a relationship with you …. live your life, date other people (or at least make it clear that you are CONSIDERING it, at the VERY least, but if you are not in an EXPLICITLY committed relationship – ie if he has not said YOU ARE MY GIRLFRIEND MINE MINE MINE ALL MINE you are TOTALLY SINGLE and should just treat him as one of many guys you are seeing. This is the ONLY way he will ever see you as worthy and desirable of a relationship….is if YOU do….right now if you hang around for him you are acting like you are NOT worthy of a relationship because you are pretty clearly shutting down your other options in the HOPE that he’ll figure it out …. don’t sit around hoping, it’s too pointless and painful….get out and start MAKING your life what you want it to feel like and put yourself in a position where other guys can ask you out …. BE THE PRIZE that he realizes he WANTS more than anything….you do this by your ACTIONS, not by your words….
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