Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I dont think he's over his ex, should i stay with him
- This topic has 12 replies and was last updated 5 years, 2 months ago by
Lane.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Littlelady12
Hi everyone, i could use some advice. I have been dating a guy for 3 months and he’s such a gentleman and treats me so well.
When we first started dating we agreed to take things slow because he only ended a turbulant 4 year relationship in may (they were on-off for about a year before calling it quits).
He doesnt really talk about his ex much and for the past few months hes been focussing on me, buying me flowers, taking me on dates, phoning me every night to see how my day was etc. His friends have told me he was head over heels in love with his ex until the end though.
However, a few days ago he heard that his ex is dating one of his friends and got visably annoyed about it. He has been in a bit of a snappy mood since finding out (not at me, just at silly things that shouldn’t really annoy him). Its got me a bit insecure that obviously he does still have feelings for his ex, i mean why wouldnt he they were together for 4 years.
In my last relationship my partner left me for another woman and i think i have this irrational fear now that his ex will come back and he’ll drop me for her. I know its silly but i dont want to invest emotions into something thats doomed to fail.
Has anyone ever been in this situation? Is it normal for him to like two people at once? Should i keep dating him and take it slow until hes over his ex? Or should i stop dating him until he gets over her completely? Thanks!!
Anderson
Do you know why they broke up?
Better off single
You’re just going to have to be a better girlfriend. 3 month mark is when they start pulling away.
If you’re going over to his place when you are calling to tell him you are on your way, ask him if he needs anything.
Dress sexier.
Be affectionate, not clingy. Make sure you dont bombard him with calls and texts.
Practice gratitude with him. Tell him “thank you” for everything and how much you appreciate him.
Subtly Compliment him often. “you look sexy in that shirt”
Make plans. Invite him out for fun things that peak his interest go carts, hiking, bowling, mini golf, board games, card games, if its snowing where you live, inner tubing. bring out the kid in him.
Help him keep his mind off of the ex girlfriend and show him he doesn’t need her.
If you focus on the fear he is going to leave you, it will more than likely happen.
James Arthur
pls find out why he broke up with his ex.encourage him to go back if possible because you may suffer tomorrow..He has shown all the sign that he love his ex.. don’t be the reason why somebody Will leave another,again if you treat him so nice to win his heart,you must keep doing same to keep him with you or else somegirl may treat him better and then take him from you.Remember he has a history with the other girl. always show kindness to your fellow girl when it come to relationship.if you play to be wise be rest assured karma is ready to reward you.. thanks.
Raven
I’m sorry… Dressing sexier will not win his affection-
Hurting/ better off single
He probably feels betrayed that someone close to him is dating her. Although he is not over her also it doesn’t mean he is not into you. It’s not clear cut black and white. There are too many unknowns. If you know why they broke up then you probably understand how he feels about her. Every relationship has the possibility of ending, just be the best you can possibly be and be there for him but don’t be naive and think everything is well when it isn’t. And talk to him and ask him. His words and actions will give you a clear picture. But also don’t be too much, he is going to decide on his own either way.
Funny thing is I’m going through a similar thing with a lady whom I love… And well, I loved her too quickly and 3 months now and she is pulling away and doesn’t respond to my texts or pick up my calls…and snaps at me. It hurts and all but I know the nature of the relationship she had with her ex. Also 5 years… Toxic and all but I guess she is used to that type of relationship and although she ended it I don’t think she was completely true to herself and truly out of it. So I’m stuck hurting and hoping but it’s clear that I’m not who she wants. So you can save yourself the misery and walk on or hang in there and hope for the best. My situation is not exactly like yours but it’s pretty similar. But yours might work out…just guard your heart for the most part. At least until you are sure he reciprocates the feelings you have.
Diane
I don’t think he is over his ex, and also I think he is confused
Whhaaat?!?
Meh, they were just suggestions. Dont men like the competition to win them over? Kinda dumb IMO. It’s kind of the things that I would do…the fun things like go karts to help keep his mind off the ex and an opportunity to bond without blabbering on about feelings and questioning relationship status just living in the moment and enjoying eachother’s company. Unless he’s gonna be a total stick in the mud and pout in his room about it.
Never be afraid to lay it out and tell him “hey I dont like what you’re doing here and I’m gonna walk away since you can’t make your mind up.”
Kind of effed up the ex went to one of his friends like there aren’t plenty of other men out there. If I were him I would be annoyed too and feel a little betrayed by my friend and probably distance myself for awhile and focus on spending time with my new girlfriend. I’m not him so maybe OP should talk to him about it face to face and get answers rather than guesses from ANONYMOUS POSTERS on a forum who DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
Better off single
Honesty I dont think there is anything else you can do except walk away from the situation. Don’t say anything pull away as much as he does and start mentally preparing for a breakup. It sounds like too much drama.
Nobody needs drama in their life. Detach.
Tallspicy
When someone pulls back, you pull even further. Let him do the work, and if he is sharp say…
You seem to be in a bad mood, is there something you want to talk about?
You cannot own his crap and the answer is not to be a better girlfriend. Good grief. The answer is to let him feel your absence.
Better off single
Hah. Feel is absence. Now that is just teasing.
Better off single
How wonderful it might be to get that sort of relief.
Maybe she can finally focus on herself.
Lane
You are in a very tenuous position essentially because he really hasn’t taken the time to properly grieve the last relationship. Of course he still has feelings for her, the level of feelings is what he’s still grappling with because their last breakup is still newish. The fact they have been on and off again is a major red flag that I would not ignore.
Honestly, at this stage it would behoove of you to put the cards on the table by having a frank and honest discussion about what he’s feeling and what he wants. If he doesn’t know, can’t answer it, and isn’t able to articulate it, then I would pull out and give Mr. Brokenhearted the time to properly grieve and fully deal with the demise of his relationship because its still affecting him very deeply.
There’s a quote” “The pathway to love is very narrow” meaning if your pathway is still blocked from a past love, it is not open to receive a new one. The risk is too high of you losing your heart to a man’s who heart is still blocked off to another (the ex).
-
AuthorPosts
