Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I don’t understand guy or dating
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 3 years, 6 months ago by
Erin.
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Rai
I got out of a 5yrs relationship and it was a really bad break up. He cheated on me and was tell all our mutual friends that I’m crazy, blah blah..,
It’s been 3 years now and I finally feel like I can move on and start dating again. I am very inexperienced when it come to dating, so this is where my problem is.
I’ve been seeing this guy for 2 months now. We got along really well and his been really sweet every time we go out. He always pay for dinner even though I insist we split. Bought we a gift out of nowhere and always want to talk to me at night before bed. I thought things were going great until he started to become more busy with work and family (parents, sister, niece, nephew) like babysitting and family gathering. I was being understanding and told him that we can go out when his more free and in the meantime we can continue with our daily texting and calls. He finally organise a date for us, but then canceled cause his too tired, but to me it just seem like his too busy to get out of the house, he rather just call me instead. I got upset and he got upset and we had our first fight.
It’s been 4 days now and we haven’t talk. Is it normal for a guy to not text at all? Maybe he lost interest and don’t want to see me anymore. We were going so well I really didn’t think that 1 small fight cause this to happen. I always thought if a guy is interested in me, he should msg and try to reach out even if we were both upset, or is it not the case? He know I’m upset but haven’t try to reach out to solve the fight, am I suppose to chase him now?
When a guy is mad or upset at the girl they seeing, do they just go silent for days and won’t bother to text or call? I really don’t understand guy or understand dating these days. I feel so out of the loop, I’m in my early 30 and so is he.
tammy
maybe its just a busy phase for him in life?? and he is genuinely caught up in family situation? only he knows the answer. has he asked you to bear with him for some time due to his situation? if he has than that’s ok. you need to be patient. but if he has suddenly acting this way without giving you any explanation then maybe he is having second thoughts and trying to figure whether this budding relationship with you is what he wants. i think you need to just lie low and let him get in touch. don’t be pushy and don’t argue. its not going to go well. give things a little time and space. its already 4 days. if he doesnt get in touch in the next few days then you need to accept that he was already on his way out and the argument just expedited the break which was anyways coming. besides its just been 2 months and he has already cooled down. doesnt look too rosy.
Tallspicy
It was not a first fight, it was him already pulling back in retrospect and a fight. Busy is code for not interested. When a man gets busy, you don’t make it easy for him. You pull back and let him do all the work. This man was never real because you were not exclusive anyway. He was already leaving, you just shut the door. Goodbye to him.
Rai
He didn’t directly ask me to bare with him. Sometime he just say he hope that in the next month or so he will be more free, how his not used to be this busy and that he would like to take me out more if he could. That’s why I don’t understand the sudden change. Even bought me gift, guy don’t usually buy gift for a girl they not interested in, do they? I got upset at him because I feel that I was more looking forward to seeing him then he did at seeing me. He still haven’t contacted me. Should I just reach out and be the bigger person and try to settle this?
tammy
don’t look at what happened in the past. buying a small gift is a nice gesture but really not such a big deal either. its not about you being the bigger of two and reaching out. its not about an ego tussle. its about the fact that he seems to have lost interest in pursuing his friendship with you. and the sooner you accept that the better for you. forget about him and move on. if he is interested he will get in touch. and then again he may just come up with a hello and how are you but make no plans to meet you. which again is no good. my suggestion is that your forget about him and move on. and another suggestion. please do read what the others have posted and think on those lines. it seems you have simply disregarded whatever was written simply bec it isnt what you wanted to hear.
Erin
Please normalize dating people’s actions not words. Don’t let men write you checks with their mouths that their bodies can’t cash.
This generation has become great at being ‘busy’. People just don’t want to connect anymore. They’d rather text endlessly than show up for someone..
If someone proclaims to be so busy to give you the time and attention you need, just be real with them and tell them to take care of their ‘business’ as you move on. We all have lives, we are all busy, but we find or make time.
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