Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I don’t understand why he didn’t love be despite being so keen at the start
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 2 years, 9 months ago by
Trixie.
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El
My boyfriend and I met on a dating app last year. He was very very keen at the start, telling me I’m beautiful, texting all the time, even told me he wished I lived closer before we even had met. The connection and chemistry was easy and strong, I felt confident and happy around him. It took me a while to like him fully though, he was surprisingly eager and I was cautious
But 4 months into the relationship, he started behaving like this:
1. Only talks about himself, moans about his life constantly
2. Sends me long voice notes talking about himself
3. Never asks about my life anymore and doesn’t have deep conversations
4. Never plans dates and never pays for anything for me (never has bought me a drink)
5. Tells me stories about how everyone at his work finds him attractive
6. When I want to talk about an issue between us, he goes silent and doesn’t want to talk. Blames things on his bad current life circumstances and might even start crying
7. Stays friends with all of his ex girlfriends and keeps up the photos on his social media
9. Criticising me for little things, but not in a horrible way but enough for me to notice
10. Was argumentative with my friends recently. Behind my back told my roommates that we will all hate each other soon
11. When we go out places, he often says things like ‘we’re the most attractive people in here.’
He never leaves the house, doesn’t really look after himself (eats unhealthy) or want to make other friends. I think he is a bit depressed and I’m here to support him. He just doesn’t seem to enjoy anything we do
He told me he doesn’t love me and ended the relationship and now I feel confused why men never ever love me? I have a lot of love to give and I’m kind and told I’m attractive, but I feel sad that maybe I’m just not good enough
I never changed during the relationship, I was my true self so I don’t know why he didn’t love me or what’s wrong with me
Raven
There’s nothing wrong with you…
However, You are asking the wrong question(s). Your questions should be:
– Why did I stay with this dud for so long?
– Do I really love myself?Maddie
Agree with Raven.
Don’t accept or stick around in relationships with partners who don’t respect you, and you will begin to see different outcomes. This wasn’t about you, it was about him being emotionally unavailable for a healthy relationship, and it’s likely you have a history of choosing partners similar to him which is contributing to you feeling this way now. It’s great you’re being your true self in relationships (keep doing that!), now you need to choose potential partners who can show up for you while doing the same, and finding ones you’re actually compatible with who aren’t jerks.
Also, not totally discovering someone’s true nature until 4 months in is normal. That’s what dating is for, that’s why you take time to get to know someone before committing. Usually everyone’s on their best behavior right at the start, but you start to see who they really are over time. It’s frustrating to think you’re getting to know someone and then feel a big shift after some time, but as you’ve seen, it’s a huge red flag about them and doesn’t reflect on you.
tammy
In your post there is a long long list of things you didn’t like about your ex. the things that you mentioned, am sure you noticed long before you split up. when there are so many things you dint like about him, why did you stick around with him? and well if you have so many misgivings about a person with whom you spend lot of time, doesn’t that kind of influence your regular interactions with the person? maybe he sensed your disapproval?
Trixie
The question you need to ask yourself is why are you wasting time on this person and not valuing yourself.
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