I ended it

he may be upset but he hasn’t changed his mind had he? i think you need to avoid him for some time atleast. till your somewhat in a better grip of your emotions post breakup. sure u can be friends if that’s what you want but only when you can handle it. i am in the same scenario as you. i dont mind being his friend bec hes an astute businessman and he has a unique point of view wrt commercial matters. but i wldn’t be able to stay frnds with him if i met him or chatted with him regularly.

You mentioned that at the 4 month mark, “something changed for him, his feelings were not as strong for me as mine were for him”. If you read this site you’ll see that the 3 or 4 month mark is critical for relationships. That’s the point where men generally decide if they see a long term future with a woman. The first few months are the honeymoon period, and everything can be great– and at 3 or 4 months the guy will suddenly take stock and realize whether or not he really wants to be with the woman for the long term.

It sounds like this guy hit the 4 month mark and realized that his feelings were not on the same page as yours, and he did not see a future with you. It’s not your fault, it just happens. There are lots of posts from women on this site who have been dating a guy for that length of time, and everything was great, then suddenly when they hit 3-4 months, it fell apart. It’s common.

Your mistake was continuing to date the guy for 6 months when he made it clear he didn’t want a relationship with you. I understand you thought his feelings would change. But when a guy tells you he doesn’t feel “it” with you, you can’t stick around hoping that he will suddenly change. He won’t. I’m sure this guy cared for you and thought you were a nice person, which is why he was upset that he hurt your feelings; he just didn’t feel that spark with you that a guy needs to build a relationship with a woman.

Just take this as a learning experience. Grieve, let yourself feel your feelings, but accept that you have to move on. In the future, if a guy is not “all in” after a few months of dating, don’t stick around hoping he’ll wake up and change his mind. A guy telling you after 4 months that something has changed, and his feelings are not as strong for you– that’s a sign you need to walk, not stick around and get more invested. Sorry you are going through this!

Sara,

I empathize with what you’re going through. My ex and I broke up 2 1/2 months ago for a very similar reason. Unfortunately, just because he feels sad or bad about the fact that you are hurt or you are no longer going to be in his life does not mean that he has changed his mind. Sometimes, it just really means that he wishes you would’ve settled for what he had to offer you. It doesn’t even mean he is malicious, just selfish. More than anything, you have to take his words and actions and put them side by side and compare. If his words are giving you hope but his actions are making you feel like you made the right decision, the chances are you did. It sounds like you are in the right headspace to continue moving forward. I wish you the best in your healing process.