I eventually broke up with him and I feel bad about it.

Hello,

Some of you might remember my story. You all strongly advised me to break up end of last summer, and even if I could see your point and how much you were right about this relationship, I couldn’t do it, until yesterday.

I love him, he is not a bad person at all, we were also great friends so it breaks my heart to be responsible of his pain. I know it’s hard for him, because he is living in a fantasy and thinks now I’m away he is fully committed and available to me. He is not, we were just growing apart even more, and he would say that he loves me, tries to make plan (but they didn’t sound genuine, they didn’t sound like him) or compliment me only when he felt things were going south again. Definitely emotionnally unavailable (maybe I am too).

I know it is the right decision, I feel relieved and do not want to go back to it.
But I also feel awful and guilty. I ended up by text and not by phone call because each time I would see his face, I wasn’t able to tell him the truth. He is very closed up with his emotions but I can see on his face when he is hurting and this is the most painful thing in the world for me. We were talking by text, and for the first time I got very angry with him because he admitted that at some point, when he was just being a d*ck with me (his own word), it’s because he didn’t know if I was the one. I asked him so many times if everything was right, how he felt, if he saw a future… He always lied and said yes even when he was doubting it. I could have taken my own decision about the relationship and I could have been on with my life as well if he would have been honest with me, but he always insisted for me to stay with him, and he was just unpleasant because… I don’t know ? Because it’s his real-self? Because he wasn’t sure he loved me, therefore I didn’t deserve his kindness ?

So I got angry enough to break up with him. But now I feel guilty, I know he is pretty isolated, that he won’t reach out to friends or family to talk, and I feel the urge to contact him to apologize, make sure he is ok even though he is probably not; which is ridiculous, I know I’m exactly the wrong person to comfort him right now.

I need some advices or tough love please.