I Feel Like A Fool..

I should assume that this no contact means he doesnt care about me..?

I’m sorry about your dad…

Some guys don’t know how to handle grief or comfort others in emotional pain… Especially if they are younger.

With that said, his lack of empathy for you, I’d take a step back from your friendship.

Again, I’m sorry about your dad.

sorry about your dad. and you don’t need to feel like a fool. we tend to reach out to people we care about when we go through profound grief. so did you. its perfectly alright. he didn’t respond so you felt you needed to explain. he still didn’t respond. so you explained some more. while i agree with raven that some people are clueless about how to handle grief, the fact that he chose not to say any thing is a little concerning. this is a time in life when you really need him as a friend. and he is choosing to stay quiet. you can find anyone to be with you during good times. but its who’s there for you when the chips are down that’s important.

I agree that he probably neither knows how to deal with overwhelming emotions or grief, so he got overwhelmed not knowing what to do, and he froze and shut down. I don’t think you need to feel stupid about this or even think you crossed a line with a friend and something wrong to cause this. It’s about how you both deal with these things differently. I once experienced a death and went back to an ex I had literally just broken off the friendship with because things had been too rocky, went tail between my legs apologizing, and cried at him. And I don’t think he said too much but he did say, you shouldn’t have you be alone right now, and so we sat there together. And eventually patched up our friendship later on when I wasn’t still grieving. Sometimes it’s okay if people are just there, even if they don’t know what to say.

I do think your guy is not the best friend for you to turn to in this circumstance, because he didn’t respond to the situation in a way that was comforting for you. But you didn’t know that before, and now you do. And again, there’s nothing to feel stupid about here. There’s no shame in vulnerability or grief. You can find someone else who feels safer to open up to, but don’t worry about what’s going on with him or that he doesn’t care or is judging you now. Just know in the future that he’s not a deep feelings friend, and adjust your friendship expectations accordingly. Maybe that does mean pulling back or assessing how trustworthy and reliable he is in bad times and if that’s still worth friendship to you, that is up to you.

I can’t turn to one of my closest friends when I’m really upset about something because he stinks with strong emotions and gets defensive and combative even when he’s not at all involved with whatever was upsetting! It hasn’t diluted our friendship, though, I just turn elsewhere if I need that kind of friend because I know his limitations in this one way. It has nothing to do with how much he cares for me or wants to be there for me, he’s just that way with people. And he knows it because we’re close enough that I’ve told him, and he has worked on it some over the years. If we were romantically involved, it would be a major incompatibility I don’t want since I want a more emotionally supportive partner (so it sounds good you are no longer dating your friend for this reason), but in a friendship it’s okay because I accept it about him and the rest of the friendship works for me.

My other question here as you look at the friendship with him is, are you really over him and do you just want to be friends? If so, you’ll feel better about this with a little bit of time when you get over feeling embarrassed. If not, your strong reaction to him may also indicate you need to step back and fully get over him before you can really be just friends.

Maddie your so perceptive. i agree with you totally. i had lost my dad some years back. couple of very good friends of mine just stayed quiet and weren’t really there for me. one person stayed in another city so he couldn’t meet me. but neither did he call. i told him later on that I expected him to atleast call me. his reason was he thought I wanted to be alone in my hour of grief. the other friend stays pretty closeby but didn’t bother to come and meet. I felt bad that he didnt bother and i told him i feel let down by him later on. Both of them were my gud friends but neither showed up for me in my hour of grief. after few months, i was ok with both of them and still talk to both occasionally. But then again they were just platonic friends and somewhere its now ingrained that there is a limitation to what i can expect from these friends.