Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I feel like one big question mark
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by
mama.
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Ella
So (22f) dealing with (23m). Went out on a date over Saturday night. It was good. Fun. I lost track of time and it ended nicely. I am not positive about sexual attraction but I think it has room to grow. We shared a bit of an awkward kiss but I think it was because we were both nervous, and it’s been awhile since I properly kissed someone (not including just hookups—those are usually sloppy imo).
He texted me right when he got home and said he would “very much” like to see me again. He already has mentioned date #2. I am graduating college in a week and a half and have plans this weekend with friends (weekend before we graduate), and told him I am more available during our “finals” week (I have very little exams though). He told me he is willing to drive into the city to see me (our first date was when we both were at home over the holiday weekend), and overall is clearly eager to see me saying “I would really like to see you again I know that’s forward but it’s the truth”. I have so much going on at once that I am unsure how I feel about it cause I know he is going to law school in the fall, and now possibly an internship about three hours away from our hometown, (I am in the city until at least end of August with my lease then who knows what jump).
I think half of me is scared to start something when there is an inevitable end and the other half just is scared in general, to get hurt again. He could not be more straightforward and is doing what I wanted every other previous dude to do–communicative, doesn’t give a damn about double texting, willing to drive to see me– it feels like TOO NORMAL. I told him I have plans this upcoming weekend, but would love to see him before I graduate. I was feeling fine about it until he told me he might have an internship farther away and all of a sudden got upset and was trying to find what was bothering me. I think because this would be the fifth dude I have hit it off in the past year and a half that seems like there’s clearly an ending point in the timeline. I just want to get to know someone and see where it goes without feeling like a complete waste of time. I know I am young but it just feels cruel to hit it off with some guys and then be like “oh well, ok bye”.
Going back to physical attraction–he is not my usual type, but I am definitely attracted to his personality and humor–which in past things, with slow burn the sexual attraction was built quite nicely. I think most of my most successful “relationships” (the few that I have had) didn’t really start out with an insane sexual vibe, but more so me thinking “I really like his personality and character” than the physical part was built. I guess it’s more of a wait and see thing (as always).
I guess I just wanted to rant a bit, and get advice. Thanks for listening
Lane
Yeah, this is a pickle to be in. Knowing he will be leaving soon kills the vibe, so its good you can maturely predict the inevitable.
Here’s the thing, dating guys can be a great learning experience. You get to know which one’s you jive with, and those you don’t, which can help you later on in knowing which guy to proceed with or not when you get to a point you want to settle down because you know what you like, want, and don’t like or don’t want. I dated around a lot, without sex btw, shocking I know in today’s culture but you really get to know men better because your you’re not going into it with a relationship mentality/angle, so your more relax, unfiltered, and get to know what men like, want, what they don’t like, don’t want which expands your knowledge base. :o)
Maddie
It sounds like you may have a history of finding unavailable men and trying to do “what if” anyway, and then having a difficult time when it’s inevitably over. Since that implies you’re looking for a more serious experience at this time, then you’re right to be wary about starting something with a guy who is going to end up being long distance and insanely busy during 1L if that’s not what you want.
He may be able to be straightforward now because he’s in the present and not thinking past the next date. That’s perfectly okay if you’re okay with that and can keep your attachment at bay, and are just looking to get to know someone casually, have a good time, and move forward if the logistics end things. If you are not looking for that setup and want to find something that’s more likely to meet your current needs with potential to go the distance without distance complications, then don’t pursue this. Tell him the truth, that he seems really cool but you’re looking for something that has the potential to eventually become a relationship and the timing doesn’t seem right for you two right now. Maybe he’ll surprise you, maybe he won’t, but at your age and with the uncertainty you have until you know what your next life step is after graduation, you will have other chances to find an emotionally available guy who is looking for the same things as you who will also physically be in the same place. Or if it’s meant to be with this guy, it will be. But don’t set yourself up for failure by sticking with something that you’re uncomfortable about after only one date, trust yourself and that your gut is telling you what you want.
Raven
I think…
you’ve had One date… Breathe, see him again & have fun!mama
I agree with Raven. You are seriously overthinking this. Be in the moment and enjoy it just for what it is. See him again if you want, don’t if you don’t. Summer love, have a blast or however that song goes…
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