Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › I find someone else very attractive but I have a boyfriend
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Eric Charles.
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Em
Im in college and my bf is a senior. We’ve been together for over a year. We are long distance and see each other every month. Ever since last semester, I have seen this guy who I think is really really cute at that time I didn’t really care about him because I was very in love with my bf I wouldn’t let anything change that. But recently i’ve been seeming him a lot more and i’ve started to get nervous around him my heart dropping and beating really fast. I’ve talked to my best friend about it and it made me realize it’s pure attraction. However that’s only made me more confused because I keep thinking about him and with him occupying my mind I feel distant from my bf. I’ve never talked to this guy at all or anything. I feel like I am a cheater though because I found his instagram. I feel like I have mentally checked out of my relationship since january? Not because of the guy but because I feel like my boyfriend can be weird sometimes and it’s hard for us to understand each other. Also he is moving far from me as well and i’ve thought it won’t work but i’ve tried my best to ala ways make it work and now i’m so lost. I feel like if I truly loved him I wouldn’t constantly be thinking about another guy, I know it’s normal to find other people attractive but at this point it feels like a little more than that because I genuinely get anxiety around him. I don’t know what to do
Eric CharlesKeymasterHey there,
First off, what you’re experiencing is really common, especially at this stage of life. When you’re young, in college, and starting to see all the possibilities the world has to offer, it’s natural for your feelings to shift… even unexpectedly.
It doesn’t make you a “bad” person or a cheater just because you’re attracted to someone else, or because your heart and mind are starting to drift from your boyfriend. Long distance is hard, and it puts a ton of strain on even the strongest relationships. Sometimes it just highlights that you and your partner are growing in different directions, and that’s not anyone’s fault.
It sounds like, deep down, you already know you’re not fully in the relationship anymore. The anxiety, the guilt, and the feeling of being “checked out” are all signs that your heart might have moved on before your head caught up. That doesn’t mean you never loved your boyfriend… it just means things have changed, and that happens to almost everyone at some point.
The most respectful thing you can do for both of you is to get honest with yourself and with him. It’s not about the new guy, or about chasing every feeling of attraction. It’s about recognizing when a chapter is coming to a close so you both have the chance to move forward, grow, and have new experiences. That’s hard, but it’s also part of growing up.
If you care about your boyfriend (and it sounds like you do), the kindest thing is to have an honest conversation, even if it’s awkward or sad. It gives both of you a real shot at happiness, instead of holding onto something that no longer fits.
Whatever you decide, you’re not wrong for feeling what you feel. Just try to act with honesty and respect – for yourself and for him. That’s the best anyone can do.
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