Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I got rejected after the first date, don't know what went wrong!?
- This topic has 14 replies and was last updated 9 years, 9 months ago by
Swirledinlike.
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Ellen
BOOHOO, I went on a date with a really fun guy, who was really into me, we texted many hours during the day. I met hem a few weeks ago in a bar when I was out with my friends.
He bought me some drinks and made all kind of flirty, fun and sweet, when his friends wanted to go home (He didnt want to leave but his friends were designated driver) he asked for my number and we where in contact ever since.
The date went very well! I was so nervous though, it was the first time since my bad break up I had passed november with my exboyfriend. (Who cheated on me) This was the first time i put myself out there, and let him do all the work. He really was all over me, i was a bit carefull, but he just sended me the sweetest and funny text messages, made compliments all of the time about how he liked me, and wanted to get to know me, and couldn’t wait to see me. I was really impressed with the effort he made, didnt take long before he asked me on a date :)
Past tuesday we went to see a movie, and have a few drinka afterwards, and we had fun! We really had fun, laughing and talking the whole time, i was afraid that maybe we had awkwars silences or i didnt like him but i really was like: I want to go on a second date with him! He had to work early the day after so we didnt make it too late. He gave me 3 kisses on the cheek, and said he never kisses (french kissing) on the first date and wanted to be a gentleman. I was so nervous i didnt even hold his hand during the movie or try to kiss him. I was too shy.
The day afterwards, i didn’t here a sound, except from cricket noises….not one single text when we had contact each day for serveral hours. I was like hmm this is weird.48 hours after the date i started talking, i was like well this isnt a good sign or he’s waiting for me to talk or he really didnt like me, or he is shy. I said that i had a good time and asked how he was doing. He didn’t respond for hours, then he texted that he really had a good time too but didnt felt the same connection when we where texting(Uhm??)
He really had a good time also but more like friends. I responded, you know this after one hour of talking during drinks? He said yes and he was sorry. well if you feel that way, then this is where it stops.But now im going back and forth, what happened??? It was going so well and i never had love at first sight so i was really down for a second date and get to know him more, see where it leads. But he allready pulled the plug before we where getting anywhere.
I deleted is number straight afterwards, but now im like: I want to talk too him, maybe he’s up for a second date and i wont be so nervous.
any wise words are welcome!
Raven
Hi Ellen,
Sometimes things just aren’t meant to be…Please don’t contact him again, he’s told you where he was.
Move forward.
Khadija
Hello Ellen,
At least he was honest with you.
Move forward and keep getting out there.
You’ll meet someone who is interested in continuing to see you.Rose
Let this one go, he’s made up his mind
Don’t waste your time and energy. Whatever the reason it’s not your fault. Maybe he didn’t feel that chemistry, maybe he’s seing someone else. Who knows? … Just move on girl.Stefanie
This is why you don’t get all excited about a good first date. Have you ever had a good time with someone but didn’t feel “it”… the guy didn’t do anything “wrong” but the spark wasn’t there. I”m sure you have. So that’s how it was for him, and it wasn’t your fault. This is why we date, to test the waters. He had enough info to make his decision. Oh well. NEXT!!
Ellen
I was very impressed by the way he treated me, and the effort he made to come see me and asked me out. I was really impressed! It was really respectfull and sweet. I have never fallen in love at first sight so, I definitely wanted to go on a second date. If you dont have things in common or dont have anything to talk about, i understand why he would rejected me, but now it’s just weird and im just like: What Happenend??
Im not a miracle worker, i get nervous, specially when im out on a real date with a new guy the first time after my relation ended past november. I was really carefull, maybe a bit too carefull? Rather than jumping into a situation, i was waiting and seeing how things where working out. Maybe i had to make more flirty comments or make more compliments, this time i was really going for the: “let him chase me” but this was also ineffectively in the end, i mean he didnt even want to go on a second date.
I deleted his number, and i also havent heard since from him. It’s a bummer i guess.
Khadija
Let this go please.
It was only one date, no need to over analyze what you did and didn’t do.
This guy simply was not for you.
Honestly, this may happen a few more times with other guys. It may be after the first date or after a few dates that they decide that they no longer what to pursue you.
Always remember that you are good enough and someone will like you just the way you are.
When you go on a date just enjoy yourself and have no expectations. If, he calls again great if he doesn’t NEXT!
You don’t need to spend time groveling over some man that didn’t want you.
I see women do this all the time, spend that energy getting to know someone who is interested in you.
Take none of this personal(although it can be hard)
You will have another date, don’t sweat this guy.Vanessa
I agree with everyone and want to add one thing. How many days did you all text before the date? You mentioned you guys texted for hours. You should be brief in text before a date and between dates in the beginning. Only use it to make the plans and and quick check-ins if he initiates. His expectations weren’t met after all that texting. The spark wasn’t there in person as the back and forth banter may have been in the text. Keep going on this dating journey and see it as a stepping stone to get to the one! Don’t over think or you will mess up the next one. :-)
Lagirl
This is the problem with texting too much before dating. You build up in your head that you have this great connection but wheryou meet, one or both of you don’t feel it. It takes being in person to truly know if you have chemistry.
I’m sorry you feel let down, yet the other women are correct. Don’t get over invested in someone over text. Keep it brief, meet up and go from there.
Amy S
hi. Ah well sometimes u just have to take it on the chin. Some u win some u lose but u cannot always get the real reason so I absolutely agree with the others on here and just let it go. The guy might have a gf and now his bottle has crashed. Who knows, who cares. His loss. It might not be for him but thankfully there’s millions of other single guys out there. So focus on that and not this. Respect the guys wishes and move on. Good luck x
redcurleysue
I am sure he liked you well enough but the chemistry was not there for him. This is the dating game…we like them and they don’t like us…they like us and we don’t like them…on and on.
That is life and dating. You don’t want to worry about it – it happens to everyone. Just say well, I will find my sweetie yet…one step closer.
Sensy
You will get better at dating with each dating experience in not having any expectations and enjoying the moment :) Now you know to not spend energy texting in order to keep your emotions in check.
Tara
There’s also the possibility he has a girlfriend. You had a Tuesday date. Classic trying to get a girl on the side move. Maybe, maybe not, but a possibility.
Laney
You sound like you have a great personality. This happens to everyone. Chemistry is a mysterious thing. It’s like there’s this spark that happens in real life-it’s either there or it isn’t. If it isn’t, it’s no ones fault. For whatever reason, this guy wasn’t feeling it. Dust yourself off and keep putting yourself out there. Your true love is waiting to meet you. He might be the next one you meet or he might be waiting down the line a bit. You have to move past this confusing experience (we all know how much it sucks) and keep trying to find your true love to actually reach him. Maybe he or you have lessons to learn in life or people to experience before your lives align with each other. But he will enter your life and it’s usually when you least expect it!
Swirledinlike
Yep…make like Frozen and Let it Go. You have to just know that sometimes the chemistry just wasn’t there. I’ve had this happen to me – great talking on the phone and texting then met in person and blah dow… no chemistry. Wait for the one who gives you fireworks when you meet and see if they stay afterwards. AND…you did nothing “wrong”…he just wasn’t the one :)
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