Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I had casual sex with my friend and I don’t want to be friends anymore
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 2 years, 6 months ago by
Raven.
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Brie
As the title says I had casual sex with my male friend, though I had previously told him I had a boyfriend but we broke up before I had sex with this guy. I told him I was having issues with my boyfriend and thats why I had sex with him, I was hoping to see him more often but I didn’t push for it or anything cause I’m not looking for anything serious.
But after we had sex, he still flirts with me and even asked we hang out one time but he ended up not making it.
And he doesn’t even have conversations with me like before and ask me stuff about my life like when we were good friends. I know he has commitment issues and after we had sex he told me he was attracted to me and was asking why I chose him, so now I’m confused if he is avoiding committing to anything more. But I don’t even feel anything for him and genuinely thought he would still be my friend regardless.
Now I’m starting to feel like he got what he wanted and that’s okay but now I don’t feel comfortable as his friend anymore cause he has made me feel like he just wanted us to have sex and now we can’t even have normal conversations and bond like before.
Worst part is we go to the same gym everyday and I don’t think I want to be around him again, is it bad if I stop going to that gym and start going to a new one. I just want to put him and this whole thing in the past.
It feels like my friend used me and doesn’t want to be friends anymore.Rubi
It would be awkward now to go back to how things use to be or at least it would be different between you because you are no longer platonic friends. Unless you two had agreed that this was just sex and nobody is expecting more, a friend with benefits situation could work if you still enjoy conversing and hang outs and are comfortable with that. But by what you wrote it seems he has distanced himself.
There is a possibility that he has been your friend for the sole purpose of sleeping with you and that’s it. But before we get to that conclusion, you can tell him you’re not expecting a relationship, (maybe he thinks that’s what you want and is trying to avoid that). Tell him you just would like to keep your friendship going or even be friends with benefits (keep having sex time to time IF that’s what you want), and see what he says.
But I feel that after he has made you feel used, a friend with benefit is not going to work for you in my opinion. But you decide. If you want to still be friends and hang out without sex tell him about that. If you’d like to be friends and keep having casual sex tell him. Just have a conversation. But if he’s not interested in responding to any of that then your friend was never your friend.
Maddie
Agree with Rubi overall.
I don’t think he necessarily used you. You said he has commitment issues. That usually comes with a whole other bunch of issues that cause the commitment fears, such as major insecurity. If he’s said things like, “why did you choose me?” then I highly suspect the bigger issue here is he’s terrible at relationships, especially once they turn either romantic or physical. You can’t do anything about that unfortunately, and it may end the friendship. But you can also try to have a conversation with him before you end the platonic part if you want to try to stay friends. Reassure him that you aren’t looking for anything more than casual but you do care for him as a friend and don’t want to continue hooking up if it means losing the friendship. He’ll either feel less stress and be less awkward (probably worth saving the friendship), or he’ll still push for hooking up and fade/ghost (problem is him not you but also he’s not worth your time), and then you’ll have your answer.
tammy
just have an open conversation with him and tell him how you envisage your friendship with him going ahead. I don’t necessarily think hes used you. there have been a couple of times when my serious relationships broke off, and at such times i needed distractions but nothing serious. just tell him what you feel and expect. and hear his side.
Tallspicy
How were you used? How? Did he force you? Did he make promises he did not keep? You were not used. Do not project your confusion (you don’t want something serious but you want him to want you) onto him. There is always a weird time after sex, especially if you were friends. I like Rubin idea.
Brie
I guess saying use is the wrong word cause I don’t mean it in the way you are thinking, I did enjoy the sex and he did not force me. I just mean that he is acting like he only became good friends with me so we would eventually have sex.
Yes I know there’s weirdness after sex but we are quite good friends and I didn’t expect him to act like we are not just cause we had sex but maybe I’m overthinking it.
That’s why I’m starting to feel like this.Raven
@Brie, I get it- you felt like you were played…
Hindsight, don’t have casual sex with your male friends.
And, you are correct- sex changes things. -
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