I have been doing something unforgivable

O no. your poor husband. to be betrayed by the wife and father. and not just that you guys want to marry, get together? like seriously? what?? do you realize what this would do to your husband? he would be devastated for life! no matter what, certain things are simply not acceptable! and this is one of those. to give you an example, i have 2 elder sisters. and there were a couple of times, my sisters bfs hit on me and showed avid interest in being with me despite dating my sisters! i was attracted to one guy! but not for a second did i consider taking him up on his interest! NO WAY!!!! no matter the attraction, no matter if you do fall in love, having an affair with the father is just not acceptable!!! you sometimes need to walk away from situations if you still believe in some basic human decency.

first thing you must do is immediately break off with his father. go for therapy so that you can cope up better with the breakup with dad, guilt feelings and how to improve on your marriage that is if you still want to save your marriage. i usually feel honesty is the best policy. but in this case a big NO.

Also i think if you are no longer in love with your husband and don’t want to be with him anymore, you should figure a way to let him know that you don’t feel it anymore. but telling him that you had an affair with his own father is just not right. there is no way you can tell your husband without destroying him completely.

whatever you decide do, i.e. stay in this marriage or walk away, is a decision you will have to think over and make. but whatever you decide, you have to stop this affair with the father in law immediately!!!! even if the father is the love of your life, there is no way you can be with the father without devastating your husband and this having major psychological problems in the future for your daughter.

besides think about this now that you are a mother? Wld you hit on your daughters bfs when shes older and dating?? i am sure not! what kind of a man betrays his son like this? doesn’t speak very well of his character does it? lack of basic human decency! if he can do this to his own son, what makes you think he is not capable of betraying you as well in the future?

Please just end the affair and walk away from the horrible father in law. and then meet a therapist and figure whether you want to save your marriage or not. either way, pls do not get together with the father in law if you have some basic human decency. i am sorry if i sound harsh, but what you have done is indeed a horrible thing!

Hi, I felt so disgusted with myself reading this. I even got mad at you. But you are right I need to end things with him. I don’t want to lose my husband nor our family. I am about 11 weeks pregnant and I dont think it’s my husband’s. But there is no way I can tell him I am pregnant with his sibling. It is low what I have been doing and I need to be a better mother to my daughter.

I guess I will live with this secret and try to move on with my life. Thank you for your advice. I needed to hear the truth.

Sadly, if this is real, it’s a soap opera story line. And you know how it goes in soap operas… the truth always comes out at some point. And the longer the person who screwed up waits to tell the truth, the bigger a blow-up it creates.

No matter what you do now, you started this, it’s past the point of no return and people are going to get hurt here. If you stay with your husband and say nothing, you will never have a guilt-free, easy moment with him again. If a DNA test on that child is ever needed, you’re busted. And it will be ugly. If you tell him the truth, he will likely dump you. He may get full custody of your daughter. You go marry his father, it may or may not last. And that man is significantly older than you, you will be a young widow. Or you terminate the pregnancy and tell no one… and live with that guilt. Or you get “lucky” and you miscarry and you get off with only guilt for the rest of your life. And hopefully you’re smart enough to never touch your husband’s father again.

All things considered, I’d advise you to get with a counselor face to face and work through all of this, it’s too much to face alone and strangers on the internet can’t give you enough support. I’d also recommend working to understand why you created this mess to begin with.

I think a lot my affection for my husband’s father came from what I was missing with my own father. My father was in life but he wasn’t there emotional. This may be why I got so attached to my father in law. I now think back on things and realize I may have been the one who led my father in law on. I use to always touch him and kinda flirt with him innocently and always talk to about everything, even complain about my marriage to him.

In terms of terminating the pregnancy, I really don’t know. My husband and I both want a large family. He really loves children and so do I. It just doesn’t feel right

The baby could be your husband’s brother. If you go through with the pregnancy, you will have to tell your husband the truth, and tell his father (the possible father of the baby). For all you know your father-in-law might snap when he finds out you’re pregnant, because he will know very well that he could be the father of the baby. It’s a ticking bomb.

I agree that talking to a counselor is a good idea. One thing I feel sure of, if you have the baby, your secret will come out eventually. You may be able to keep the secret, but do you think your father in law will? You don’t think he might have a weak moment and snap and tell his son he’s been having an affair with his wife?

Also, just to be clear, I’m not advocating you terminate the pregnancy. All I did in my first post was lay out all the ways this situation could play out. I have no place telling you what to do. I’m just saying, before deciding a course of action, think very very carefully about all the avenues this could go down and what the long term implications are for each.

Absolutely Liz. Also, when she reveals the pregnancy, the 57 year old father in law may or may not be so keen to marry her, assuming he’s the father.

This situation is a time bomb. The only “easy” way out is if she miscarries, and somewhere between 10 and 50 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first trimester, depending on whose statistics you want to believe.

But I’m not convinced this affair will remain a secret forever even if that happens. I think it’s very possible this man will tell his son. Mia may very well find herself a single mother with a couple of kids, because neither man wants her anymore.

The best she’s going to get is a controlled implosion. Otherwise, this is going to be one dirty bomb.

i am not saying you must terminate your pregnancy. but it is one of the options to somewhat deal with the ticking time bomb. but if you do decide to go through, what is your plan of action? lie to your husband and pretend this baby is his? and if he accepts that, what about your fil? wont he ask you whether the kid could be his given the timings? so what will you do? lie to your fil that the child isn’t his? you must also consider and think of options if this whole thing gets exposed. as one of the posters suggested it is important you seek counselling and talk to a close and trust worthy relative/family/friend to help you through this and support you.

@Nora, I have reported you awful comment to the Moderator…