I just can't seem to meet women.

Hi,

I’m here to ask for advice on how to actually get to date.

The last time I dated, I was back in university after having worked a few years, to complete an advanced degree. That’s where I met my ex-girlfriend, whom I genuinely thought was going to be the last person I would date. At the time, I was 28.

We broke up when I was on the verge of turning 34, and am now 36. Since then I have only really dated one woman for a short period of time, but for the rest, it’s been pretty dry.

I am finding it hard to understand what are the “codes” of dating in mid 30’s. I think the expectations and baggage of every woman I meet is very different than before, and I just don’t know how to proceed…

I’ve never been particularly gifted at meeting women, but I’ve also spent most of my adult life in long relationships with women whom I always felt I was amazingly lucky to be with. No necessarily based on their physique but overall.

In other words, I never once was in a relationship in which I felt I was there for lack of better option.

The fact that I was always with women for whom I had very high esteem always made me think that somehow, I had to be a decent candidate (although I never really understood why).

On paper, I thought I would stand good chances now. I’m rather well read, I can have interesting conversations and interesting reflections, I do many different activities from sporting to cultural, I have a good sense of humor and usually people who spend the evening with me laugh a lot, have a decent career and a well managed life, good hygiene, am tall and relatively athletic (not shredded or anything, but rather lean and wide shoulders. like 6ft for around 175 lbs). These are all superficial criterias, but while I wouldn’t necessarily want a woman to date me just for these attributes, I realize that pragmatically, at least there should be no barriers there.

But now it’s been over two years that me and my ex broke up, and although I spent maybe about 18th months of this period not feeling ready to get involved with someone again as my recovery was quite gruelling, it’s now been a good 7-8 months of active search, and I’m not even really getting any prospect. I feel like there must just be something bad about the way I’m playing my cards. I’ve tried dating apps like Tinder, and I have had very mitigated success.

So how is it? How do men meet women in their mid 30’s? What do women expect at that age?