Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › "I Just Don't"
- This topic has 2 replies and was last updated 3 years, 3 months ago by Tallspicy.
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Nicole
I met this amazing guy that I work with and we became good friends. He would always come over to my work area to talk to me while I worked and he followed me around my department while I ran around working, so we could continue to talk longer. We really got along well and had so much fun together. We text back and forth all the time, in and outside of work. Based on his actions and behavior, I was almost positive that he had feelings for me. Researching A New Mode’s articles on how to tell if he likes you, he met most of the criteria for liking me. I was excited and curious because I had developed feelings for him. I finally worked up the nerve to tell him how I feel about him and asked him if he felt the same way about me. He said he was sorry, but he didn’t feel the same. I respected his honesty and we remained friends. Everything went back to normal, except I continued to have a secret crush on him. Oh unrequitted love! Ugh! Several weeks later, I worked up the nerve to casually ask him for feedback and just wondered why he didn’t feel the same. His response was confusing to say the least. “I just don’t.” Thinking maybe he didn’t understand the question, I listed out a few reasons why I thought he didn’t feel the same way and he said it wasn’t any of those things. He said he didn’t have an answer to my question, he just didn’t feel the same. I respected his answer and dropped the subject, but I’m having a hard time moving past it. If he doesn’t feel the same, that’s fine, but if you know why you like someone, wouldn’t you know why you don’t like someone? I’m trying to come to terms with it for closure, so I can move on, but I just don’t understand his response. Am I missing something? Any thoughts on the matter would be greatly appreciated.
Crystal chengJust because you guys get along and have fun at work together, really doesn’t mean he “has feelings” for you. This quite literally sounds like “work friends” and while you guys text in and outside of work, it still doesn’t mean anything. He probably just thinks you’re cool and values you as a co-worker. “I just don’t” actually makes a lot of sense, even though I understand how it might be frustrating to you. You can’t understand why he said that, but to answer your question, sometimes there really is no WHY. He just doesn’t feel the romantic chemistry with you, period. It doesn’t matter how much his actions line up with articles on the Internet, if he says he doesn’t like you, believe him. Wondering why will only drive you nuts. Also, in my experience with a co-worker, we did not do any of that fun stuff at all. In fact, we barely ever talked the whole 8 months we worked together. It was only after he got fired and I quit, somehow, we ended up getting together haha. We didn’t work out for other reasons, but what I’m saying is, even though it seemed right on paper, doesn’t mean he was actually feeling it. Good luck and just let this one go!
TallspicyMen often do not actually know. In fact, humans often cannot articulate what is happening for them somatically.
But, your biggest clue was he did nothing about what you call subtle clues. Men who are interested act on their interest.
He did not and then you practically begged him to tell you why. He just wasn’t interested, people do not examine why they are not interested. Next time you ask for feedback, get it from someone who you had a relationship with. You are acting very desperate… it was great you shared you interest, but anything beyond that makes you look insecure, which you clearly are. He does not owe you an explanation and closure never comes from the other person.
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