I let my emotions rule… Darn it!

I am also waiting for my bf to move things to the next level. And I find our timing are different. I thought about talking with him again but don’t want to appear pushy. I thought about walking away but he has actually done nothing wrong. If I threathen him it won’t work either. So I can only remain where I am, give him time, but all the crazy thought r driving me crazy.

Dude the guy I am sleeping with for the last 2 months(just sleeping we are friends but we have it both clear we can date other people and that we are not together) was planning to spend New Years with me I know because when I said my family was taking me on a Holiday he asked me when I was back and he said he was hoping to spend new years with me… so there after for 4 months is totally reasonable and if he went there to stop you it means he cares and if you saw that before yes most likely you assumed he cares enough I mean guys and his friends yes is ok for them to go on a Holiday but is also ok for you to maybe want to spend time with him… so dont feel bad but dont cry either… It sucks but it just does not help I am big cry baby myself but I go away most of the time you know… If this never happened before to you then you are cool and chill which is always great for guys he would be stupid to let you go easily just be bubbly for a bit… and get your girls for New Years!!

Best

Lylah.. I still would be a bit put off by him not including you, but you are the only one living your life and are in the relationship. I get that.. My guy pursued me hard, we became exclusive pretty early on,and is wonderful to me. However, he is slow to open up emotionally. The L took FOREVER to be dropped and is not used often. He is not big on PDA’s but is funny, kind, thoughtful and genuinely treats me like a partner.
Is this forever.. I do not know, but right now I am happy and I am ok with that.
You have to take the temperature of your relationship for YOU, not based what family, friends, etc. think.
My GF’s were saying early on that I traveled to his too much.. well he lives near where I work and all of my friends live AND I have a 16 yr old living with me 70% of the time. It made sense for us to be at his more. Plus.. he opened his home to me so easily (gave me keys, asks me if “we” have a particular food left) that it gave me a wonderful sense of his making a space for me in his life.
Looking forward to hearing updates as to how you guys are doing going forward.

How are you doing? Loving the great support here! I hope you have some fun plans for tonight! Happy New Year… and you didn’t do anything wrong by expressing your emotions.

Seriously, what is wrong for guys to spend NYE with his buddies?
I don’t get it, it looks like so much drama…and in my opinion you acted insecure and needy. It is better to say straightforward to a guy what is wrong instead of becoming emotional.

Lylah, my feeling about it is you know in your gut when you’ve given enough leeway.

When my ex got weird and wanted space, I told him that was fine, he could have all the space he needed and he should enjoy his time to himself and I’d see him when he was ready to come out of the “man cave.” He told me later how much he appreciated how I handled that. He was also emailing me again within 48 hrs of my telling him to take his space. I carried on… got onto this site and learned all about men, worked on my business, did some business trips… and at a certain point, which turned out to be about 8 weeks, I felt like it was time to see what was up with him. We had one really good date the week before T-giving and all seemed to be back to normal and then 8 days later went to lunch and he was very clearly not present, despite having booked a table at a very expensive restaurant and taking 2 hrs off work to meet me. All he did was make small talk and did NOT mention time together at the holidays… I walked away feeling done with no intention of contacting him again… then 4 days later he sends me a sweet email wishing me a good trip to Miami (where I was chairing a conference)! Man’s behavior was all over the map and it was my conscious decision to recall my energy from the situation and not carry it into 2015.

Which is the really long way of saying… you KNOW when it’s time to walk. Letting things drag on when a man clearly isn’t stepping up doesn’t help, it only diminishes you because you know you’re taking crumbs and so does he, and he doesn’t respect you for it.

I called time on my ex in a way that I now recommend to others because it was coming from a calm, honest, heartfelt place that was honoring both of us. Get centered and then when you go to that meeting (and it should be face to face if you’ve dated past two months IMO) you will know what to say and what to keep to yourself past the basic speech I outlined in the other post. I wasn’t keen on having to be the one who initiated the break-up conversation if I’m being honest – I felt like if he is the one who wants out he should have to say it. He couldn’t do it. I believe it’s because he has feelings for me that he can’t handle and didn’t entirely want me to go away. HOWEVER. That isn’t enough for me. I am only having a man who is showing he wants me. And THAT became my choice to communicate.

Make sense? I hope that helps.

Hi Stefanie,
Thanks for sharing your scenario :)
I feel I’m in a similar position. He is a good guy, but he hasn’t been consistently stepping up and things aren’t progressing. We had a few great weeks recently but after my NYE outburst, boom he went totally distant.

I also think he does care for me, enjoys my company but it’s not enough. Seriously believe he can’t bring himself to end it either so it won’t hurt my feelings. I can’t do the slow fade thing, it does my head in. And if he doesn’t like me enough to step up, like you said why should we accept the crumbs?

As hard as it will be, I’m slowly accepting we’re just not meant to be. It’s so hard moving on though when you’re used to talking every day, spending weekends together. I’m thankful for what I’ve learned during my time with him and have enjoyed his company but it’s probably healthier for me to move on. I’ll wait til my head is in a clearer state and request to meet up… Then end things. I know one thing from this experience – I’m ready for long term loving relationship :)

Thank you so much for your advice!

Hi Diane,
I think that’s been one problem I’ve had the last few months, lack of patience.. and trying too hard when you notice things slide downhill. We just both need to work on ourselves :) and by that I mean, enjoying the things we love to do, catching up with people – just have fun. I’ve wasted the last three weeks going bonkers over a guy and for what?? Can’t control the outcome but we can control ourselves!

Don’t be embarrassed with the drunk texting. Some habits die hard and still adjusting to time apart and space. We’re only human after all.

I know what you mean by distracting thoughts and escaping them. I’ve been spending a crazy amount of time with friends and family, I’m sure I’m driving them all nuts haha. Perhaps getting back into a normal routine will help. Means less thinking time and refocuses your thoughts. With time it will get easier… At least I hope so! Keep us updated and big hug