I love my boyfriend but he's cheap! What should I do??

Hi Olivia-he sounds like a poor bet for the long haul to me. I will repeat the story about my friend who was in a similar situation with her boyfriend. One night they were at a bar with his friends and she saw him pay the bill for them, for the whole evening, without batting an eyelash at the cost,but would battle over every penny with her on a regular basis.
She realized he did not value her/respect her and she broke up with him. Your guy avoids paying in any situation it seems, so,he does not respect you or your values and he is a freeloader as well.
Tell him you are bothered by this and if he does not start paying his fair share or more,you are done. Personally,I would just break up as I think stingy will extend to emotional generosity (or lack of same)as well.

Have you spoken to him about this?

During the time in which you’ve picked up the full check, did he ask you to pick it up or did you offer to pay and he just went with it?

He has never asked me to pay for anything. I always offer.. This is partly my fault because I am generous to a fault. He just lets me pay. So what can I expect? I guess I am just used to men who insist on paying. Or who let me pay for smaller things. But when it comes to my friends invite us places, I feel embarrassed when he doesn’t offer to take them out or make a nice gesture in return for their hospitality. I just think its rude..

Has he always been like this, even in the beginning? Other than being mean by nature, the first thing that struck me when I read your post was that he either earned much less than you or he had some debts he’s not disclosed to you. On the other hand some people can be compulsive savers as well. If he indeed earns twice as much as you, this is a major read flag indeed.

On another note, in my experience people of both genders who are mean with money tend to be mean by nature as well. We had an (now ex) friend who was a real skinflint (had plenty of funds, so no excuse) who also exhibited the same traits in terms of her time and attitude to others in particular when they needed help or support. In these instances she had a habit of becoming ‘unavailable’ when someone was going through a crisis or some sort, essentially ghosting until the dust had settled. Eventually we just dumped her! I’m not saying your guy is like this but something to bear in mind.

He’s English. Is that like an English thing?

Hi,
I think you let this develop for a while and so it got the norm. This is the guy you maybe want to stay with, so you should really discuss this. Someone else also said this is his personality and that can affect other areas as well in the future.
I thing i would blow steam with some of the examples you gave, like with the parents the frineds and the wedding. I would have never put up with that and would have had that talk ages ago. Good luck

I agree with pretty much everything you guys are saying. It’s probably not going to work out long term if this continues the way it is. And the more I think about it, the more I realize he is stingy in other areas as well.. He has never invited me to meet his family, though he’s met mine. He plans trips with friends and doesn’t invite me, even though I always include him in my plans. He used to be quite stingy with his time as well in the beginning, but that’s gotten a lot better. I do feel the love there- but maybe love isn’t enough. I just don’t know how I will ever be strong enough to break up w someone I’m in love with over something like this…

This is NOT just about money, it is about his nature…. People like him are mean and selfish…I honestly would let him go now…. A complete deal breaker for me….

I have a gf who is also a coworker and she has been dating another cowokrer for 2+ years now. He is exactly the same way, spliting everything down to the dollar..Somehow she finds him very charming when it is just the two of them, like cooking her dinner all the time, writing her “thank you for being so awesome” card… So she rationalize his behavior and tolerate it.

Then they started to talk about move in together. She wants to buy a property together and each pay 50/50.. But he insisted on him buying the property and have her move in and pay half as rent. In other words, she is going to be his tenant. She will be paying half but he gets all the appreciation on the road. …. How selfish is that….. And guess if they are living together or not????? Lol

Sorry, this is a deal breaker for me.

We don’t use the same words but I find a lot of American guys are trying to line up booty calls and not spend a dime too. This may be part of the online dating age…there are so many women out there willing to have no strings attached hookups that are just a swipe away that a lot of men don’t want to pay for a date.

And then those women come on here wondering why they can’t turn their hook up into their boyfriend.

Being called materialistic in my post earlier (lol), I believe if a guy is cheap he’s always cheap. He won’t suddenly turn into that knight in shiny armor at a finger snap. Take it if you can accept assuming the situation never changes (it may change or not) or leave it.

I did hear from a girl who lives in London that the popularity of “feminism” in UK makes it more often for people that are dating split the check. I was joking to her that then I’m not going to London at all! In your case, i don’t think it’s about that. The problem is that he is not grateful and doesn’t have intention to return people’s favor, that’s the worse part.

I agree the cultural thing and the generation thing. Generally Americans are very generous. My recent ex was from the UK (up north too) and he was cheap. They know they are too lol. They joke about that… I did try to train him and I do believe you can do a bit of training and it works a little bit but it ends up being a battle, which is frustrating.
With my ex husband too when we were dating when we were younger we would split the bill but I trained him for like 30/70. It worked with him. 7 years later now that he makes a lot more money he became more generous in general with people. I think it’s also because of his social status and age. He is now surrounded by more executives and people with money that he understands he does not want to be seen as “cheap”.
But with my recent ex he probably won’t change because of his lifestyle too. He’s not really into progressing in that department.
I’d say your boyfriend with his mindset and attitude towards generousity, he won’t advance too far in his life, which can be a turn off. But of course, it’s up to you. If you like a guy who’s ambitious and wants to advance in life, he’s not it.