I love my boyfriend but he's cheap! What should I do??

This is not a British thing at all btw. Im British and i met a load of very generous guys too. Im selective and dont entertain the cheapskates. One hit and they are out ! lol. Such a horrid trait imo. x

Yes Mark, I’d like to see proof…

I’ve seen several 7.5″ dicks that really didn’t measure up…

As my husband says

They treat all of you like that because you LET THEM, plain and simple.

Don’t like it, let them know, give them space and time to step up, if they don’t do it, it’s done.

Don’t settle for less.

I have learned a lot reading the responses here. Thanks. I broke up ,2 weeks ago with a five year el cheapo. He made it a point not to spend even two dollars on me ever. He got angry constantly if I bought myself things.saying I should have given him the money instead. Once again in August no birthday gift. So I left him.

Mark women are looking for husbands. Most women will take time some off of work to bring up your collective children. They want to find a man who can enable that. Is it wrong to want to find a man who can give you and your family a good life?

Equally, would you rather marry a loser woman with no job or prospects, or a woman who worked hard, earned money and looked after your home?

Once a woman is committed to a relationship, she’s normally very giving. She’ll cook for you, clean, do thoughful things for you and even organise your entire life if you want her to. But she has to know the man she’s investing in is worth investing in.

A man who wouldn’t even take me out for a drink or buy me a burger isn’t going to be a suitable partner for me. If he’s totally broke, he should be picky with who he chooses to buy the drink and the burger for.

Mark, what is your age? I don’t think you understand how this male/female money thing works. I’m in my late 30s.

It wasn’t a communication issue. I told him repeatedly that I cared for him, money wasn’t going to matter but his ego and pride just couldn’t deal. I could see it in his face, over and over. And as a matter of fact we had a beautiful park nearby that we spend a lot of time in. Sometimes we’d walk and get a cup of coffee at the little coffee shop. I was happy with that. The deal breaker was we took a holiday together, I paid and he couldn’t afford to do anything unless I paid for it and that created a lot of stress for him.

HE couldn’t deal with not being able to do more for me. We aren’t kids, and he wasn’t OK with the situation. This wasn’t a matter of it being temporary due to job loss or something. This was how his life was going to be for another five years until he was done paying. He was sharing a house with a married couple friend of his.

I now make sure I date men who either make the same or more than me. It’s just easier that way. Anyone can get into a tight spot financially temporarily and I”m certainly not going to run over that; I just don’t date men who are financially strapped or low earners. Only tried it two times in my life because I genuinely cared for the guys. Thing is, you’ve gotta live in the real world and money is part of it. There has to be an equitable and comfortable place for a couple to get through.

And I’ve dated cheap once. Never again. They don’t change and they have underlying issues keeping them from trusting and being generous that I don’t see any point in dealing with. This guy she’s talking about – staying for free at someone’s house and you can’t even pick up the cost of a dinner out? Um, NO. I don’t care how many other good qualities he has, this is a deal breaker.

Apathetic, shiftless, stingy, and uninspired. That’s what we have here.

You have made all kinds of assertions and assumptions that are so off base.

While a couple in a healthy and mature relationship need to support and work together, your premise that it is not your job to aspire to something better and be a provider are absolutely pathetic.

I am a successful woman in a predominantly male dominated field. I worked my butt off to get where I am, and no I NEVER used my looks, body, or slept my way up the career ladder. I put in longer hours than many of my peers and worked harder to prove my merit.

Men like independent women? You seem to thing independent means being your mama. It means a woman who takes care of her OWN responsibilities, not YOURS. No self respecting man thinks the way you do. This is not about equality in a relationship, you seem to think you are entitled to have a woman take care of you. There is a big difference between a mutually supportive relationship and someone who doesn’t aspire to much, or anything at all, and thinks a woman with options will settle for that. All my exes appreaciated my independence, but they still wanted to take care of me. That is what a MAN does. A little boy or man-baby expects a woman to take his role. Were you raised by wolves, because I’d be ashamed if I was your mother.

Like attracts like. An inspired, motivated, successful woman usually wants a man who is just as motivated. It doesn’t mean he has to be wealthy, but he better be able and willing to be a provider.

The girls who would be with a guy without any ambition, who is also curmudgeonly and ungenerous is either:
-just looking for fun and “Mr Right Now” (not Mr. Right), or they likely lack healthy self esteem and an understanding of their own worth.

I am generous with everyone I care about, and I volunteer my time and my resources for the things that matter to me. I would never be with a stingy, unmotivated guy who lacks ambition.

People who are ungenerous are usually stingy with everything, not just money. Their affection, praise, encouragement, effort and determination also tend to be scarce.

@Raven, how do you raise kids “50/50?” Quite well, thank you. That is reality now. Parenting is a tag team event.

I think that there is a lot of confusion for men about this issue, particularly, millennials. From their perspective, they have grown up in a post-feminism world. Many of their peers, managers, etc. are women.

Some women are insulted by a man who doesn’t go “Dutch” and some are insulted by a man who doesn’t pick up the tab. I am a Gen-X’er, and if I am dating a man, and he and I are on equal financial footing (that I can tell), we both have kids, are divorced parents, etc. , we generally end up alternating over who picks up the bill, who pays for this or that, etc.

I don’t mind going Dutch, personally. I start to feel uncomfortable with a man who picks up the tab for everything, every time. I start to feel financially indebted to this individual, or our interaction is based on some financial relationship that I have with him.

I would just ask this gentleman why he insists upon splitting the tab each and every time, perhaps even tactfully describe why this can be socially awkward behavior in the US.
However, you’re most likely not going to make a dent in changing him at this point. This was probably ingrained in him by his parents, social situations, and past experience.

I lived in the UK for several years, actually London. I did notice that men and women perceive “Americans” as being uber-wealthy and privileged across the board. With the exception of their upper class, most UK citizens live with much less money and possessions than most Americans.

@Raven, you need to understand family law in your state if you do decide to marry at some point. If you go for the sugar daddy, you are going to find yourself facing a solid prenump. In most states, the days of alimony and child support, even if you had been staying at home with the kids, are limited to non-existent. Most men of character and quality want a women who is their equal, not a dependent. Or, if you are in “trophy wife” territory, you are still facing a rock solid prenup.

@Mark, I hear you that you want a woman who is your educational, financial, and ethically your equal. There is nothing wrong with you wanting this and getting it. Two equals makes for a more solid and lasting relationship. However, if you marry that woman with equal education, financial resources, and who is focused on her career…you will be looking for a solid, quality daycare when you have a child. Waiting around for June Cleaver to appear with a clean house, meals made, laundry folded, etc. while you stroll in after a hard day’s work… may not be a likely scenario. You both will probably be working, playing tag team with drop-offs and pick-ups at daycare, pediatrician appointments, staying home from work with a sick child, covering for daycare/school holidays, etc. Oh, and with your first child, you will be sick as a dog for a few years with all of the bugs that you are going to pick up from daycare. Even if you avoid daycare with a stay-at-home parent, you will then get sick one your child enters kindergarten/public or private school. It’s inevitable.

Oh, and then there’s the weekends. I think that more marriages with young children end because women get tired of earning half or more of the household income, but get stuck with all of the housework, cooking, laundry, etc. that consumes their weekend.

I am 20+ years your senior, mother of three, and of the women who I know who are stay-at-home moms, the reason why they stayed at home was that their earnings could not cover the cost of daycare. Or, they wound up having twins or triplets and the cost of daycare was crippling financially, even with a dual income family. Also, there are instances where the woman makes more than the man, and the father ends up staying at home. I know several stay-at-home dads.

This post was OLD and yet got so much attention. The topic is HOT. lol

I can see how once you’re married there is both a legal (in the U.S.) and societal presumption that both parties kick in to the marital community in order to build a life together and there is an element of sharing the marital financial nut, as well as burdens, but if this guy squeaks when he walks at this stage in the game, I can’t see this getting anything but worse. If he is willing to be financially exploitive of your friends and family, and to some extent you despite the 50/50 paradigm y’all have going on, it’s only a matter of time before 50/50 turns into 60/40 or 70/30 or 80/20 or suddenly he only has enough for cab fare in his pocket at any given time.

The above said, if you feel that strongly about this man that you think you can see a future, then the onus is on you to sit down down with him and very clearly communicate how you feel, possibly even with a mediator or counselor. If he really loves you, he’ll see the error of his ways and try and be compromising, if he doesn’t, he’ll likely attempt to turn it around on you and make it out to be that you’re materialistic or a gold digger or whatever, at which point you show him the door. Generally speaking, anyone who is willing to exploit you financially and go so far as to exploit your friends and family in the same somewhat callous manner, will eventually graduate to exploiting you in other, more insidious ways.

Hi , I do feel for you . I have the same problem . I live in London and all my exes were the same . My current boyfriend is the worst though. He doesn’t really make much money , we have the same jobs , but I work much harder so I make more than him and I also have to pay my rent and bill which he doesn’t because he lives with his parents but he will count every penny with spend , just to make sure he doesn’t pay a penny more than me . He bought me a coffee another day and I was so happy about it but then he mentioned it 5 times that he is super generous buying me that coffee :)
Idkmt think they can change I think it’s up to us if we can live with it

I agree with the others. Most men understand the value of “non-monetary” contribution a woman brings into a household and most men get ready to support and provide for the family. But some guys who are often socially ill adjusted use the feminist slogan of equality, which was originally meant to mean equal rights to have education, jobs, vote, etc., and eagerly and blindly take advantage of it for their personal benefit.

Ladies you can rejoice. These guys won’t be able to keep a good woman around. They will end up marrying “down”, someone who will be willing to put up with all the crap and cheapness. Because it is absolutely true what they say, cheap with money cheap with emotions. Life with those guys is not going to be fun. For this reason alone it is important to observe a man’s attitude towards chivalry and money. Being careful and not throw money around is one thing but being cheap is another.

I experienced the opposite last year. The guy I was dating for 6 months was overly generous. He’d show up on every date with something and I was getting annoyed, not pleased. Not surprisingly, he was generous with his time and emotions as well. He wanted to see me 4-5 times a week and called every day twice a day. I felt overwhelmed and suffocated. Go figure us women. lol