I love my boyfriend but he's cheap! What should I do??

Dump him now. He is a beta male and will not take care of things in the long run. Had one of these guys, go for the alpha male.

Last two years I enjoy spending time with a man who bought a $3500 graduation watch for his daughter who could not manage to visit him in 8 months after he gifted her.
He was truly hurt she managed to visit Canada for two weeks instead of visiting him in the last eight months.

In the 2 years we have been dating he never ONCE bought a birthday card, holiday card or a present for me?

I told him I really wanted a $100 purse which he could get a great deal on through his connections.
The purse connection has not produced a purse in the last 2 months? When I asked him about it he said he will call when purse comes in.

Lately he he was complaining that his friends take advantage of him.
Thus he decided to cut $ corners by NOT allowing me to do One small load of laundry at his place.
He is always telling me how financially set he is.
Is this a Control thing?
His direct words were:
“My utilities really high I live by myself this stresses me out sometimes I cut corners when I can sorry that bothers you everybody thinks I live her for free they’re all wrong”.

Sorry JJ…
This is not a control thing, it’s a jacka$$ thing!

Dump him!

I read through this and value all of these opinions. I find myself at a really hard place and in a similar situation and appreciate the male help on this as well. I know as females we can get quite worked up over things, and despite the changing male/female roles, it is harder to shake some traditions, especially when raised with them. I have been dating a man for a year and a half now. He is 5 years older than me at 35. Obviously when I met him it was amazing. Huge connection, butterflies, the whole nine yards. I haven’t had many relationships so I was very afraid of messing this one up with this seemingly perfect guy, so maybe it is my fault for setting this up, but I would repeatedly bring him food when we’d hang out, I’d always get us groceries to cook fancy meals (I’m talking 2-3 times a week cook + purchase combined). I never thought much of it because I figured everything was so great and I was happy to show I care. By the end of the summer I’d noticed one night we went out to dinner (which is and always has been rare) and he handed me the bill. His friend caught him and made some jab and then he paid for it -but from that moment on I noticed everything. Then there was a fight where he noted all he does for me, how he spends money to take the subway to see me, i couldn’t forget that. I am not a tit for tat person. I probably make an average salary and am pretty generous with those I care about. Over the past year he has gotten me coffee here and there, but we always go dutch. I continue to cook meals for him when he comes over, which we go grocery shopping for together and which I pay for, and if I don’t feel like cooking or I suggest going out he will grab a sub before he comes. He does offer to cook or bring me something, but when I say yes- he doesn’t actually get it. He cooks for me maybe once a month at his place (where I go every weekend and pay at least $20 in parking) but more often than not I bring supplies over as well or go shopping when I’m there and restock some items for him. I am always driving us (he doesn’t have a car) and I’ve never asked for gas money. For awhile (I stupidly thought) I was getting free food with a food delivery service -nothing is free PS) and got us a good 3 meals and included his brother. When we go to visit his family I always stress over a gift, but same as the OP, if he comes to my families nothing. He went away with us for a week- paid his flight but let my parents treat him to every meal and promised a meal upon return but nothing, not even a small gesture like flowers for my mom. This has bothered me for awhile and I have been asking- for months now- to talk finances. I figured maybe there is something I don’t know. But he refuses to have the talk or keeps putting it off. It did come to head recently. We went away for a weekend. It was an inexpensive trip that he purchased through a deal for $90 per person. While up there we were with another couple and when bills came, the other guy grabbed his, which prompted him to pay the first meal. The second time, when the bill came, he grabbed it, studied the value and passed it to me. I get the sense he was making sure it was the same amount as the one he’d paid- I can see no other reason and he got mad when I asked for a drink off because the food was garbage. Regardless, I paid for another breakfast, and him a dinner. Since we got back, he has been quite and recently exploded when I refused to pay for an expensive flight to see his family and said I would take the bus. He complained that I go dutch every time a bill comes, called me cheap and said it would be nice if just for once I picked up the full tab and that it will all pan out in the wash. Maybe I am upset because he beat me to the chase, but I am at a loss and racking my mind for instances where I have been cheap. I know I have pulled back lately, and it really feels weird when he comes over and we go and get our own food but I am getting tired of everything i do, seemingly financial and non-financial being non existent. I don’t know if there is some kind of selective memory at play or the backlash from a weekend where he may have paid for more than me- but I am deeply angered and saddened by his words. I kind of feel like we can never see eye to eye on this if he just expects everything…

He loves you because you’re too kind and he knows that he won’t ever find someone like you. So he feels comfortable with you and says to himself “Phewwww, thank god Im gonna keep my money all to myself and not spend it on her, Yaaaaaah she’s a keeper”. Like… It’s a major turn off when a man lets his woman pay. Don’t you want to be with a man who loves you and buy you gifts and not split bills? Honestly, I think that he is taking advantage of your kindness.

It also sounds like he is taking advantage of you AND THEN complaining about it!

This would seriously affect my feelings for him and I’m sure it has you.

Ugh, I just (like, tonight) broke up with my BF of 2+ years. This was one of my biggest problems with him….so freaking cheap. Like your BF, he made twice as much as me, and had no problem spending money on himself, but every time the check came, he would pause and wait to see if I was going to pick it up (which I did, about 1/3 or more of the time). If I told him I was taking him out (because that’s the only way we would ever go to “better” restaurants, he would order the most expensive thing on the menu. Same if anyone else was picking up the check but him.

Despite making a lot more money than me, he has almost no retirement savings, and I have a ton. Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to find someone else to share that with! Good riddance, cheapass!

Don’t walk away…RUN. I speak from experience. I dated a guy so similar to what you described that it spooks me. I took the time to read every comment that was posted to you and I could not believe how spot on the advice was that you were given. Especially the one that said he probably doesn’t think he’s cheap,but thinks he’s frugal. Which in turn means..And I promise, you he won’t change. He has already shown you who he really is…so believe him.

I’m a few years out from when you started this conversation but I am going thru the exact same thing! It’s almost as if I wrote your story myself – going out to lunch with friends and the out-of-town wedding, exactly what happened to me!!!! I’ve been with this guy now or year and a half. Divorced a narcissist who I was married to for almost 18 years. This guy is a different species than my ex, he is kind and wonderful in every single way except in the wallet. I feel totally taking advantage of because I am super generous. So after reading your article I did address it and he was deeply offended. I struggle with the balance because I do make a living plus I receive alimony and child support (which I know should just be for my kids) but still doesn’t total to what he makes….He admitted that I probably paid for six more dinners that he did but I think that’s a lot! This guy makes way more money than me and has almost no debt, kids are grown, no college debt, and in the last few months of his mortgage too. I just don’t know what to do! Wondering how you handled it…… Thanks!

Hi, I am glad ive found this. I am currently in exactly the same situation. My boyfriend is such a nice guy but he is so cheap with everything. I have noticed that he lets me pay for more or less everything or if not it is split 50/50 even on our first date we each got a round of drinks. my issue is I think I automatically pay because he is so awkward about gifts and money so I just pay to not make it that way. like even at Christmas he kept asking how much I spent on him because he wanted to spend the same. takes the excitement out of your first Christmas together. Its now been 6.5 months and he hasn’t changed. I don’t know how to bring it up with him or if I should just end it now. What did you end up doing?

I dated a guy for a whole year. I remember our first date was in a comedy club, he bought a beer for himself and i had to buy one for myself. i never really thought much of it because it was the first time i ever went out on a date in Canada. this thing lead into hanging out in the car the whole time, he would drive me around and just hang out. To the point where id have a back pain, he never even bought me a cup of coffee the whole time- not a single time.

After i realized that i told him that i was not interested in the car rides anymore and then he steppped up and made the park dates, I didnt mind paying the bill if only he ever took to anywhere.

He would make me pay if anything, I remember one summer day we went on a picknic date- to guess where high park in toronto- i ensisted that we go pick up some snacks from dollarama- the bill was around 20$ and he made me pay it.

This kept happening- we once went to a club because i insisted and he pulled out a whole bottle of vodka before we went in and i didnt think much of it- he then started to force me into dancing with him- i just didnt want to dance-he then wanted me to buy him drinks. i honestly couldnt because i had forgotten my debit and only had credit and the club wouldnt accept it- he started calling me names and abusing me physically. He dragged me onto the floor and forced me- people had to push him away from me. we had our jackets in his car and we had to walk home in December without jackets in winter.

He came back the next day- still drunk and started beating me up because i did that to him- the one thing i noticed was his broken sun glasses. it stayed with me.

I dumped him that day and didn’t talk to him for the longest- he was in uni at this point still making about 2 grand a month and his parents were well off- he was also the only childchild- not only paying for his housing,rent, car and phone bills but everything else..

i let it gobut later he started talking to me i did too- he got a job now and i thought things will change and he was making a 100k. oh boy was i wrong!

He came back to me bacuse he wanted his cheap stake ego to be massaged. his dad had bought him a new car and apartment now. He started talking to me because he wanted me to see his new life- took me to the apartment- still the same stingy af. i had just accepted it at his point. until we had sex one day and he started being extremely abbusive, i had to push him away- he was hurting me.

I then proceeded to tell him that it wouldnt work and we shuld part ways- now comes the extreme part- he made me return the gifts he ever gave me- the gifts were a lamp from ikea, a wine bottle -16$ and a tuke, gloves. he took it all back happily. All there of them were not even worth a 100$.

Later i ahd realized that all this while he never loved me- he just pretended to so that he could have an outlet- he abused me – phuysically and mentally.

I WOULD LIKE TO TELL ALL MY BEAUTIFUL LADIES OUT HERE THAT NOT HAVING A MAN IS BETTER THAN HAVING A SICK MAN.

we donot take it as a big red flag but theres a lot of things that these people hide a lottt of unadressed mental health issues. like i found out about him.

PLEASE I BEG YOU- SAVE YOURSELF THEY ARE TRUE PSYCHOPATHS.

i am extremely happy with my not so rich but very generous boyfriend now.