I need help, and an answer, to close this off

He is immature, has no empathy and is heartless to block you after 6 years. He knows you are extremely hurt and doesn’t want to deal with it! What a selfish man.

If he can treat you this way after 6 years, this is someone you do not want! Please don’t feel bad about yourself. This is all about his selfishness.

“He went from being so into me, to nothing. So I must have meant nothing all along.”

Why must this be black and white with you choosing to be so hard on yourself? Why can’t the answer be he cared about you best he could but is a jerk with major issues so he didn’t have the capacity to show up for a long term serious relationship (his best is not acceptable)… and because it’s him and not you, he would eventually act terrible no matter who he is with. I don’t see this being about you or reflecting on your value or worth or loveability at all. I see this being him and not you, but it’s revealing to you there are insecurity issues on your own end that you have with yourself. That you’ve come to rely on him to fill discomfort within yourself, because perhaps chasing and winning over his approval temporarily made you feel better about yourself.

Block him. He’s been a huge part of your life for a long time, but he does not define you. You define you. You’ve given him all the power to dictate who you are — why? He is in no position to do so since he’s a garbage person, why would you give someone like that power to decide anything? Choose to see this as you dodged a bullet. Choose to see this as this new woman he’s with is right at the beginning and maybe feel sorry for her that he could potentially waste 6 years of her life next. At least you are free to reinvent yourself and get away from his toxic waste dump.

Choose to see yourself as having value no matter what. You deserve a lot better than a jerk who admits he doesn’t know how to treat people right and begs you to keep it a secret so that his reputation and ability to use people stays in tact! You think he’s not ashamed of who he is? He’s either a sociopath who lacks empathy and cares about no one’s feelings or he hates himself so much that he can’t handle taking responsibility for how he treats people and shuts them out to avoid seeing it. I also assume this isn’t there first time he’s ever acted unforgivably… I hope you can start to see that you deserve better and shouldn’t accept less.

A few things I can absolutely guarantee you – one, you are not broken. You are going through an incredibly painful break up and having to readjust a lens you’ve been looking through for 6 years or more. The ONLY thing that will, most assuredly, move this healing along is time. And sitting in your discomfort, feeling the rotten feelings, while also intentionally redirecting those anguished feelings away from blaming yourself, or feeling undesirable or unworthy, is an intense and difficult undertaking! We’ve ALL BEEN THERE. But you can do it. As best you can.

Choose to radically love yourself. Choose to be brave. And by being brave I don’t mean not afraid, not panicked, not desperately sad. Because all of that is NORMAL. But be brave enough to remind yourself that – these feelings will pass. Because feelings are NOT facts, and feelings are NEVER final. It’s the time to be still, and tender, or get up and be busy if you can manage it. Not running from it, not internalizing it. Just dealing with the intensity of it. And I promise, promise after many days, day in and out, you will be stronger, and lighter. Resist being action-oriented like stalking your ex’s media. Turn your attention to you. Tend to you. Sending hugs

he sounds terrible. He ended things with you this way after being together for 6 years! dsnt speak much for him. he dumped you when you traveled all the way just to spend some time with him. to be together for a short holiday. i think your so hurt also because of the way things ended. maybe your thinking you should have paid attention to the red flags in the past. its ok. relationships always involve compromise on both sides. its a give and take and at times we overlook certain things bec we love the person. glad to know your doing better.

Thank you.
My next hurdle is later this week. I have to face our home, where there were so many good memories, which I have avoided for now. I am hoping this does not cause me to fall apart again.
I have accepted he is not coming back. And I don’t want him back. In fact, I would love to never ever see him again, yet this will not be possible.
When I first wrote here I knew he was not coming back, but that pain felt visceral. But right now, it’s acceptance and calm. That is progress.

I am not a “fall for anything” type person and I could not see my husband of 17 years coming. Yes, also 3 children. When he pulled almost the same thing 18 years ago – I was shocked for a minute or two. I wondered how I would carry on without him. Over time I had learned to depend on him and now he was gone. What saved me is that I made my own money and could claim my independence fairly quickly.
What you need is a objective person to talk your way out of the hole this has caused you. You are fine—the man is messed up—-not you. He cannot see, he is lacking – not you.

Update, and to answer a question:
We shared one home, but had our own independently as well.
So, here’s the news: I was more or less over it (as in not hating him, not crying, not hating myself so much, but still, every night when my head hit the pillow, relentlessly thinking of him and hoping one day to at least look back mistily at me realising he lost someone special). So, a bit over it really.
On Friday he started sending me texts that contained love songs. Six in quick succession. It was his first contact since.
He used to do this in our early days, but something told me it was not about me. Sure enough, he and the young Eastern European girl were going through a bad time. She was acting suspiciously and in turn he was becoming like a jealous stalker. He wanted to know if I ever felt he did not trust me, and I said yes, even though he had no reason. Somehow it led to him spewing everything out: he’s ‘sponsoring’ her so she can stay in the country; she has a 3 year old kid; he’s moving to Greece and buying them a villa!!! After 3 months. But he wanted my advice – is she just after him for his money.
You’ll be proud to know I kept the high ground, that is until today. He wouldn’t stop with all the “woe is me” nonsense. So I told him straight that he is a selfish guy, so if she is after him for his money, and he’s going to give her money and spoil her, then it’s a transaction so what does he care if it’s love or not?
He even sent me her photo! Unbidden. And…she is amazingly gorgeous. Everything I feared. Younger, fitter, beautiful, social media savvy. Almost the perfect human being (if you saw her images on instagram).
But strangely enough it left me even calmer. I could never compete with that. Never. No matter how kind, caring, loving, slim etc. she has youth and is great at marketing herself. Me, I’m just a normal person.
But from this exchange I am aghast at him. He really wasn’t special after all. He was just a rich guy with a d*ck who wasn’t so nice (as proven in what he did to me) and just wants a bit of young hottie on his arm to show off. He’s an idiot who will no doubt be taken to the cleaners.

Have you blocked him yet?

wow! as if what you said wasn’t enuf, he has now gone even lower if that’s possible. lady you just had a lucky escape. he behaved so badly with you and now has the audacity to get in touch and seek your advice on his love life. what the heck!! why are you even listening to him and giving any advice? just tell him you don’t really want to know and focus on breaking ties with him forever. My suggestion is to sort out and deal with any pending links between you guys and then just block this man forever. so what if shes gorgeous? you have some great qualities yourself. so pls dont even give that a thought.