Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › I need relationship advice…
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 2 years, 9 months ago by
Rebekah.
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Anon
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, we live together. We are 23 & 24 years old. I love him very much, and I know he has love for me too. But I am starting to feel as though he isnt in love with me anymore. He has been very distant lately, staying out late with his single friends, not telling me where he is or who he is with, acting very short towards me before he leaves the house. A couple weeks ago he got out of bed at 3:30 AM and I woke up to him leaving the house, I call him confused and ignores it and texts me saying hes out smoking with his friend. Then today, he went out to watch a UFC fight at his friends house, was very short before he left, he got dressed in another room…I had to ask where he was going. And when he was leaving he just walked right past me, didnt say goodbye or even look at me. I followed him outside and said bye but it just made him angry/annoyed with me. We didnt get into a fight or anything so I dont know why he was acting like that. But to top it alll off, he didnt come home. He came at 7:30/8AM. He ignored all of my calls/texts. I dont know where he slept, he never told me wasnt coming home. I almost feel like he resents me for some reason. I dont know what to do as I love him very much, I dont want to break up with him, but I am so honestly hurt. He has talked to other women in the past but I thought we were past that, I dont know if he has resorted back to being unfaithful and thats why hes acting like this, or if there would be another explanation? How do I talk to him about this, and explain I dont want to be in a relationship with someone who doesnt come home or even let me know where they are. I want to set clear boundaries, I am tired of feeling like my feelings dont matter.
Raven
He’s being as ass so you will break up with him…
Consider getting a STI test.
Next time he pulls his leaving disappearing act, put his things outside & consider your relationship over.
T from NY
Get your back up plan and move it to the front!!! What Raven said. You deserve so much better.
Nellie
I’m sorry to say this but I think he has fallen out of love.
Maddie
My take is a little bit different. It doesn’t matter if he’s fallen out of love or not. He’s completely disrespectful, and decent people have a baseline level of respect for everyone. It doesn’t matter if they love them or not. I find that if someone can treat someone else this way, it is who they are deep down, and they only know how to love conditional if at all. You. Deserve. Better!
I am sorry it hurts. But when you get to the point that you’re trying to explain to a guy that your feelings matter and he should have the decency not to stay out all night, especially without telling you where he is, when you live together… he is dead weight and not worth your effort. You’ve described a history of him being unfaithful, stonewalling you, being resentful, not communicating. He sounds like he’s an entitled and immature child. If you’ve been dating the same guy since you were 19/20, you are not so experienced in dating. You need to have faith in yourself that you will be okay without him and consider that leaving will mean you eventually have the space to open yourself up to meet someone who treats you properly! That starts with respect, and if you don’t respect yourself, you won’t find a partner with respect either. Please do not abandon yourself by bending in a pretzel to accommodate his bad behavior.
AngieBaby
I’m sorry to say either he’s met someone else or he wants to be single. And he doesn’t have the decency to break up with you honestly and move out. Guys who are immature or conflict-avoidant do this sort of thing to force you to do the dirty work and break up with them, because no one with any self-respect puts up with this behavior for long. The longer you tolerate it, the longer he feels justified in doing it, strangely, and the more contempt he feels for you.
What is the lease situation? Are you both on it or not? How long does it have to run? One of you needs to go somewhere else ASAP.
My advice is approach him and say, hey can we talk for a few minutes? Something’s really off here lately and it has to be addressed, we can’t continue like this any longer. Obviously you don’t want to be with me anymore but don’t want to tell me straight. Is that about accurate? Then shut up and let him respond. Keep it short and to the point. Stay as unemotional as you can. Although you can certainly express that the way he’s behaving feels pretty bad to you.
Tell him you aren’t OK with this the way it is and one of you needs to move out. And then you discuss the logistics of that. Email him confirming what you come up with so there’s a written record.
I know this must hurt terribly. I’m sorry, sending hugs. You are both very young and it’s not unusual for someone to decide at this point they want their freedom. It doesn’t sound like you did anything to cause this. It happens. Take your time to grieve the loss and when you’re ready you can move on.
Rebekah
Girl…
I would detach from him. Go as slowly as you need, but detach. It may be difficult and painful but there’s more to your being here alive on Earth than this painful experience with a rather s*itty man. Detach, and find someone or something else to attach your attention on. The way he’s treating you isn’t healthy and you shouldn’t accept it. His behaviour also sounds dodgy AF. You’re so young, you have a whole wide world around you. Don’t ever rule out your chances for real happiness. -
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