I need some help! New to dating in COVID

I have texted people less once we had confirmed plans to meet, both to make sure we weren’t building each other up too much leading to a letdown if there weren’t immediate fireworks in person and also to make sure we still have something to talk about on the date! And sometimes I’ve just gotten busy but figured we’re about to meet anyway so it’s fine to have less time to chat, we will make up for it in person.

I wouldn’t worry about this as you are meeting in person relatively soon. Just confirm sometime the day before or day of that the plans are still on and, assuming they are, relax and try not to put expectations on the date itself. If he stands you up or fades out shortly after the date, that’s different, but don’t assume the worst for now. There’s no reason to!

And yes, it isn’t always a great move to chat a ton before you meet, but with the pandemic and you being out of town, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to keep the interest going long enough to get to the in person date. But if there weren’t extenuating circumstances, I don’t recommend texting daily but putting off the first date (whether it’s a video date for covid safety reasons or in person). It creates too much of a fantasy component before you can properly evaluate each other and that can make the dynamics and expectations screwy before you actually know each other.

This man is nothing to you. You should not be initiating at all. That is his job until he is your boyfriend or he is being very very consistent. Which he is not. Lose his number. He knows where to find you if he wants to.

He seemed to be very consistent until this time last week, when suddenly over night he wasn’t anymore which is why I am confused!

I did tell him when I will be home which is tomorrow….so he knows when I am back now. If I haven’t heard anything by tomorrow I will just ask him if he has a date in mind I think! If he doesn’t reply to that I obviously know he doesn’t want to meet! Just don’t want to say anything to him like you okay as you have seemed more distant recently cause we obviously haven’t even met yet!

Oh, I see. I thought you meant you already had a date planned for Saturday after you’re back and he’d gone quieter just before. Things may be organically losing momentum, 2 months is a long time to talk without plans to meet. But if you JUST told him exactly when you were coming back, I’d expect him to pick up the communication and ask you out once you’re situated if he’s really interested in dating. If he doesn’t, it’s disappointing but no biggie because you haven’t even met yet, and it does you a huge favor for him to flake out sooner than later (if he does fade out, it was probably inevitably going to happen sooner or later).

It would be way overkill to ask him if anything is wrong because he’s texted less for a few days… it could be a million things that are unrelated to you. If he has lost interest, that also happens on internet dating alllll the time, so if you’re going to date you need to feel comfortable in yourself that you’re okay even if that happens with him and the next five guys you talk to after him do the same. So again, try to enjoy getting to know him but don’t overthink it and get ahead of yourself.

Many women think men should always initiate in early dating. I personally don’t, I prefer some balance and equal give and take in *reaching out conversationally* (maybe because I’m very social and extroverted, and any guy who is compatible shouldn’t mind that), but they should be clearly putting in equal effort at least half the time if not more. Basically, enough that you aren’t confused and don’t question their interest because it’s obvious, and you’re not forcing anything or pursuing them. But it’s a better sign when they take the lead on the first few dates regardless of who initiates the communication, otherwise they may be passive, lazy, lukewarm, or something else that will eventually become frustrating or waste your time. Ie **don’t nudge him about having a time in mind, let him set the date up on his own.** Or, if he doesn’t, then you have your answer and can move on. So I agree with lean back and don’t overfunction, but if you want to say hi sometimes (and he has shown you he often initiates plus is solidly asking you out with a time and place) then there’s nothing wrong with that.

Good for you, and now just stop. If he contacts you again, just end it.

Bob, thanks for reaching out. It has become clear we are not on the same path and I dont think we should interact anymore. Wishing you the best in your search!

He’s even started initiating them again! I know he’s a busy farmer but surely he can say I am too busy to meet at the moment or something !

I said this the other day in another thread, when a man texts you for too long without arranging a meet up, he is not interested, the meet up won’t happen.

2 weeks is the maximum period to set a meet up, if it doesn’t happen then it ain’t gonna happen now. Unless y’all doing long distance thing but then again a meet up has to be arranged once interest has been established.

In your circumstances you were away but nevertheless, a plan to meet up when you hit town would be solid. It would be question of when not if.

Ignoring your question just further cements that he doesn’t want to meet up, don’t ask again, he’s not blind or deaf, ain’t nobody got time for that.

Just politely tell him it was nice to meet but you don’t see this going anywhere.
He’s slow fading you anyway, you have nothing to lose now. Trying to figure him out will end with you hurt.

Another +1 to what Tallspicy said.

If you’re looking to waste time and enjoy his pen-pal attention too, keep responding… that’s all you’re going to get from him.