I said I love you and he didn't say it back

You surprised him. Just let it go and see how things go. Do NOT try to discuss it. It’s OK.

Juliette- thank you for your advice. i will keep it together and show him that this won’t make me fall apart. great suggestion!

Stephanie- i will keep my mouth shut! i hope someday he will feel the same way too and tell me. but id rather have him in my life than to let him go bc he doesnt love me at this time.

Harley- what should i do now that he’s meeting me dad? it feels like a big step for me but i have yet to meet him mom. im starting to feel like im investing too much too soon. should i just stop? even tho it feel right for me?

I WAS just about to say that would happen ! Sorry lovre.

Ok.. the guy is freaking now and processing the ” I love you ” , deciding if he wants to commit further.

DO NOT CONTACT HIM.

THIS is a crucial time.

IF YOU CONTACT………. you will drive him further away. play it cool. keep busy. WAIT for him to contact

It’s a common occurance on this forum.. that the guys pull away at 4 months. your dad will understand.. your dad will be more upset for you. Just try to hold it together right now. AND if this is the way the guy is.. better you find out now. Hard and all as that sounds. TAKE TIME to think.. you may well walk away. It depends on what explanation he gives you IF he comes back… if it’s not good enough.. WALK. Save yourself further heartache. A GUY KNOWS around the 6 mth mark if he wants to commit.. this guy is on borrowed time. MONITOR his actions.. not crap words. Words are cheap. I COULD understand if he explains he freaked but wants to make it up to you. IF he says he wants things to slow down.. I’d seriously monitor him.. or walk .

I would meet him and let him know CALMLY how you feel. That you understood it was hard for him/perhaps it was too soon to meet the family, but that it embarrassed you in front of your father and that you thought he and you were further along than this. THEN.. Listen to what he says. If he stutters he doesn’t want a relationship/ it’s going too fast.. consider walking.

DO NOT have this convo over text or phone.. you need to see his face and read his expressions.

Myself.. I do not think he will be in touch so quick.. guys need a lot of thinking time. if you don’t hear from him in a week… I’d move on.

Personally.. I can understand him freaking.. It’s the not explaining it I have a problem with.

Hi Niki
How old are you both? I would not harp on anything right now (or really ever.) Let this go and pull back to more of a light, warm, getting to know each other phase. You can let yourself get drawn down into the mud with your thoughts or just get back to a more exploratory situation. There is still much YOU need to learn about HIM to figure out if he is the right guy for you. This is just a bump in the road because many guys just have a different relationship timeline than women.

I’d go on the date like nothing happened… I’d give him about 2 weeks to “say it back” (in one way or another) (straight out or more subtle)… and then, after those 2 weeks, if he had said nothing I would say what Harley suggest in her first paragraf above…

Your bf/gf… why the heck did he agree to that if he doesn’t love you!!?

Ivy, that was probably the best post I have ever read. It gave me goosebumps. Well said, well said!!!

The best thing for your relationship would be to STOP texting. You’re both adults. Adults use the phone to talk about important things. You don’t cancel plans via a text. That’s cowardly. You pick up the phone! If I were you, I’d either call him in response to a text or ask him to start calling.

It’s easy to get loose control in texting. It’s harder to do talking on the phone. My boyfriend and I hardly ever text. Maybe to say when we’re on our way but that’s about it.

Niki: You really need to breath, relax, enjoy and live in the moment with your guy. You’re getting way ahead of yourself and him in this relationship. You’re treating this relationship like it’s a bomb and about to explode at any minute. He’s going to pick up on this, if he hasn’t already. Also don’t dissect text messages, we as women tend to do that, going over every darn message with a fine comb, investigating every “babe, baby etc” and emoji, like as if that means anything, validates anything or has any relevance to your current status. Men do not put so much meaning into their texts as us women do, so don’t base the state of your relationship just because he typed “babe” in a text.
Put your phone away when you’re feeling anxious or feeling like you’re about to have text diarrhea, or call one of your gfs and hash it out with her, text HER whatever it is that you want to say to your guy, if you’re unable to just let it go. You need to find reassurance within yourself instead of seeking it from him. If you continue to seek it from him he going to eventually feel way too much pressure because then he’s going to be wondering why on earth you don’t believe the fact that he likes you and that he’s happy with you.
Also, someone above said that 4 months is not long and she’s correct! You’re still new, still getting to know each other, still testing the waters. That’s awesome that you already feel like you love this man, us women tend to feel that sooner anyways, but that’s just it, just because WE feel that way, does not mean he should. People say men feel it early, men feel it late, blah blah blah. PEOPLE feel it and know it at all different times and they will say it when THEY are ready. To be honest, I’d rather he tell me on his own and not directly after I said it, because then I’d somewhat be wondering if he just said it because I said it, You know what I mean? In fact, I told my bf last night that I love him and guess what, he didn’t say it back!!! But guess what else?! I don’t mind! He shows me he cares about me and possibly loves me back in different way, through his words and actions. He’ll say it one day, when he’s ready. We’re also 4 months into our relationship.
As for your guy freaking out, it’s as common as a cold. My bf had a mini freak out at 2 months and another one just a few weeks ago. What did I do during those times, I gave him space!!!!! I didn’t get upset, I didn’t text or call him, I respected his need, I stood back and did my own thing until he was ready to come back and a week later, he returned, back to his normal self. He told me he had a little freak out and I said “I know, it’s okay!” Because guess what!? IT IS OK! But the trick was, I continued on with my daily life, knowing he likes me, cares about me. The first time he displayed a mini freak out, I have to admit I was a little bit scared, obviously. But I called my best gf and had one of those typical girls nights where we talked it out til it wad dead lol. That felt good because although I became scared, he had noooooo clue! lol.
So STOP texting him! STOP CALLING HIM! STOP READING INTO TEXT MESSAGES! STOP SEEKING REASSURANCE! (the evil thing about seeking reassurance is that it’s like a drug. You’ll get a hit, you’ll feel great! then it wares off and you’ll need another, and another….Then one day, they just stop coming.)
GIVE HIM SPACE! UNDERSTAND THAT YOU’RE RELATIONSHIP IS STILL NEW! and that he may not be ready to take such steps & milestones. And be HAPPY! don’t make him and your relationship with him the center of your universe! Don’t NEED him, WANT him! You probably did fine before he came along, 5 months ago, so you’re gonna be fine now, whether he’s here or not.

Relax and just be the cool chic he fell for, not this needy chic that may very well repel him. :)

Niki
Is this a pattern with you in relationships? I can’t help but focus on your high level of insecurity. This is a relationship killer and having a man in your life is not going to fix your self esteem.

I would suggest you consider working on yourself or you will never fully be happy. Self love means you are ok with or without a man in your life. It is the belief that you are a prize and a man has to win you over. Not the other way around.

What have you tried to help with this?

Men can smell lack of confidence/insecurity a mile away. No matter how well you initially hide this, it always comes out eventually.

Self help books are good. Counseling if you can afford it. Alot of self doubt comes from constant negative talk in our heads. Check of Dr.Daniel Amen online. He has information about how to control automatic negative thoughts (ANTS) – because your negative self talk really contributes to the bad self image. Its a vicious cycle that is easy to get into, but there are techniques on controlling those thoughts that can help turn this around.

Ivy- thank you for posting this. your post made me feel very emotional actually. the way you said that if hes right this wont make him go and if hes wrong nothing can make him stay felt somewhat empowering. i keep thinking that im trying to find this perfect man for me and that if i don’t i wont be good enough. its hard to remember sometimes that there is a greater plan than the one i have for myself and that every step gets me closer to it finding out what it is. its funny you said to write in a diary because i literally started one about 30 min ago bc i couldn’t handle the stress anymore. ive been driving myself crazy trying to fix my emotional text rants by reliving every word and trying to figure out the way to undo the damage and then trying to anticipate his reactions blah blah blah its exhausting. ive been obsessing and obsessing and im sick of it and sick of myself about it. i needed to vent so i started writing. i think it will be a good start if i write in my journal every min i feel anxious or emotional and just get it out rather then in texts to him or speaking to my friends (they’re getting sick of it too). i cant tell you how much i value the time you have taken to help me.